Don't want to read? Then read Fluke!

Fluke
Christopher Moore

“You’re not allowed to read away our entire honeymoon!” my now-husband warned me a few weeks ago. Yeah, right. There’s no way I can go a whole week without reading, honeymoon or not, so I compromised. Instead of bringing five books, I only brought one. My choice? Fluke, by Christopher Moore. Staring at the lone book in my bag, I wondered how quickly I would finish it. Would I face endless days of nothing to read? Would I—I shudder to type it—be forced to go out…in the sun? On a beach?? Dear God, anything but that. (I’m very pale and the sun is my arch-nemesis. That, and carbs. Oh, sweet carbs. Sweet, sweet carbs. Anyway.)

I needn’t have worried. I learned that it’s actually quite easy to go for long stretches of time without reading, so long as the only book available sucks major balls. Problem solved!

(Thankfully, it was too cold to worry much about beaches and sun, thus wasting the $200 I spent on bikinis. However, one day was nice enough to enable me to “lay out” once—in the shade, wearing sunscreen. I still got burnt. Mothereffer!)

I’m not sure when exactly I started hating Fluke, although it’s true that I never really got into it at all. The beginning was boring, and the second half was just stupid. I guess it’s another case of over-hype. Remember: cover blurbs can be deadly.

Fluke is about a group of researchers studying the song of the whale. Why do male whales sing? Nate Quinn’s life quest is to find meaning in the song. And find meaning he does…it’s just kinda dumb, is all. Based on the blurb, I thought it was going to feature some sort of deeper, philosophical insight. Sigh.

I’d go into more detail, but I’m several reviews behind and I really don’t want to waste any more time on something that I only finished out of sheer desperation for something to read.

In a nutshell: If you care, the rest of the book involves fake whales, creatures called Whaley Boys (don’t ask), and a giant underwater organism creatively called “the Goo.” And the Goo had sex with Amelia Earhart. Or something. On a positive note, Moore seems like a really nice guy. For what that’s worth. Oh, yeah, save the whales.

Bibliolatry Scale: 1 out of 6 stars