I only care about Mookie, not gonna lie

Ancestor
Scott Sigler

After reading Infected and its sequel Contagious, I couldn't wait to read Sigler's next novel. Would Ancestor live up to my earlier experiences?

Ancestor moves away from the alien invasion that played a part in his first two novels, and instead focuses on a monster much closer to home. A biotech company is seeking to engineer a suitable animal host that can support organs for human transplantation. As cow embryo after embryo fails to do the job, they decide to go back a bit further, introducing genes from an ancestor. It seems to work, and the crew watches as their livestock brings these no-longer extinct animals back to live.

Of course, what seems like a good idea really isn't. These scientists have unwittingly given life to a super-predator, and it isn't long before the dozens of creatures they have bred get hungry. Very hungry. Oh, and they are quite smart. Ruh-roh, guys. Ruh-roh.

Ancestor is grounded in science and sounds eerily plausible, even if such an "ancestor" never existed. My only beef is the first 40% of the novel (thanks, kindle!) was a little too heavy on the science. Had that been condensed a bit, my enjoyment would have been complete.

Overall, I can't complain. Yet again, Sigler has written a fast-paced, thought-provoking novel that delivers. And, he came through with Mookie -- that meant a lot, man.

In a nutshell: Smart and unsettling, Ancestor prompts us to fear the monsters of tomorrow (and, ironically enough, of yesterday).

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: downloaded this one for my Kindle

RIPV: Those freaky ancestors and the spine-tingling suspense that marks the final third of the novel are more than enough to qualify Ancestor for this year's RIP challenge. That would be numero 3. Bam!

When God gives you AIDS ... make lemonAIDS

The Bedwetter
Sarah Silverman

Here's another August read that I've simply delayed discussing sooner. I'm not sure what led me to read The Bedwetter -- I'm not the hugest fan of Silverman, but that's really due to the fact I'm in bed absurdly early and she mostly appears on late-night tv.

I guess what really made me interested in reading more about her was her video Sell the Vatican, Feed the World. Funny, yes, but not entirely a bad idea, either.

Anyway, long story short - picked this little gem up from the library. The Bedwetter was at times laugh-out-loud hysterical (the story about her brother alone makes it worthwhile) and at others insightful and thoughtful. Reading about her experiences as a bedwetter and later as an SNL writer made for a quick, fun read.

In a nutshell: If you are ultra-PC, you might want to skip this one. Otherwise, it's nearly impossible not to laugh at The Bedwetter, even if you're not familiar with her work.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Libraryed this one. That's like the third library book this year! Awww yeah, kicking it old school.

Bad things hide in the dark*

Crescent
Phil Rossi

UGHHHHH. I'm SO behind on reviews. Damn you, real job. Ergo, I'm gonna let Amazon do the work today:

Darkness has inspired fear since mankind first watched the sun go down. Bad things hide in the dark, feral beasts with mouths full of razors waiting for a taste of flesh. But now, the darkness is stirring with a life of its own. Crescent Station is the last bastion of civilization, floating in the cold, outer systems where colonized space gives way to the sparser settlements of the Frontier. Like the boom towns of distant Earth's Old American West, Crescent Station is a gateway to power, wealth, and opportunity for anyone who isn't afraid to get his or her hands dirty. But deep within the station's bowels, in Crescent's darkest and most secret places, an ancient evil is awakening and hungry, and it threatens the very fabric of space and time. Will the residents of Crescent Station find a way to stop it before the terror drives them insane? Or is it already too late?

Erm. Well.

Long story short: I downloaded this one for my Kindle. It was either free or only a dollar or two, so it was worth it. Not the best book I ever read, but it kept me entertained while I was on my treadmill. The Big Bad in Crescent was a bit confusing, though, since I was never entirely sure what the ef it was, but it didn't really matter.

In a nutshell: Entertaining enough. And space! The final frontier, and all that.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: personal Kindle copy



*Ugh, I suck so bad, I couldn't even come up with a better title. My brain = barf.

Return to Rakhat: the Children of God read-along

Children of God
Mary Doria Russell

A few months ago, I read a little novel called The Sparrow. I was floored. Amazed. Awestruck. Then, I learned that Heather and Florinda were hosting a readalong of Children of God in August. I waited with breathless anticipation. Tenterhooks were involved. Finally, August arrived.

I cracked open the book, eager to see how Sandoz was faring. How was he making out with his wonky, yet badass, hands? Was he still a damaged, broken puppy? And what would Life after Rakhat be like for him? And even more importantly, would Children of God live up to its predecessor?

I needed answers, and I needed them fast.

Sandoz, for his part, manages as best he can, given the circumstances. Unfortunately, I wanted more of him than Children of God had to offer. Then again, the worst has already happened to him, so there isn't, as other reviewers have noted, a great sense of urgency in the novel. I was also disappointed that Children of God is more political and focuses substantially on life on Rakhat. As such, I wasn't as entranced by the story. While I tore through The Sparrow, I found myself taking longer to read Children of God.

The Sparrow was suspenseful in ways this novel wasn't. Also, the moods of the novels were very different. Ironically, one of the discussion questions (I didn't want to post too many for fear of spoilers) reads:

Which book is "darker"? (According to the author, most people like the second book better even though they say it has a darker feeling to it.)

I find myself thinking about this question long after I should have answered it. To be fair, I find them equally dark, although the darkness in each is different. I found the darkness of The Sparrow compelling, but found the darkness of Children of God oppressive.

All of this is not to say it isn't a good novel -- it is. Without the spectre of its predecessor looming over it, Children of God is a solid work. The Sparrow blew my mind, though, and it's hard work overcoming that.

In a nutshell: While I may have enjoyed The Sparrow more, Children of God is an admirable follow-up that gives everyone, both Sandoz and readers, closure. And thanks again to Heather and Florinda!

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal copy

Good book, bad review

Death of a Murderer
Rupert Thomson

This was a bit of a serendipitous read, as I happened across it in the library of my cruise ship. The day at sea had been a stormy one, perfect for just reading. I'd read other novels by Thomson, so I felt fairly safe in giving this one a go, especially since one critic called this Thomson's "masterpiece."

The novel opens as an infamous child murderer dies, leaving a bit of a pickle for those in charge of disposing of her remains. One officer (Billy Tyler) is given a twelve-hour shift guarding the body in the morgue. During his time there, he reflects on his life and the life of the murderer.

Hm. That's it. Despite my awfully boring summary, this book was actually pretty good. Tyler is a convincing character, the prose is simple yet mesmerizing ... yadda yadda yadda. I got nothing.

In a nutshell: Please forgive me for such a shite review.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Library copy ... for once!

mmmmm pie

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

Every once in awhile, a lovely little book comes along that charms and delights. Such is Guernsey.

Juliet Ashton is a writer covering the Second World War and its aftermath. One day she receives a letter from a member of the Guernsey you-know-what society, she plans to write a novel on the war's effects in Guernsey. Soon, the inhabitants of this small island are flooding Juliet with their stories. Typical small-town folk abound: the nice-but-awkward Dawsey, the mean ol' church lady, the fiesty spinster.

Guernsey is a nice little epistolary novel that provides a good story (if a bit predictable) and enchanting (if a bit one-sided) characters. Such a story in another's hands might have felt cloying or oversweet. However, while some aspects of the novel seemed almost too good to be true, the novel doesn't fail to captivate: once I started it, I couldn't put it down.

In a nutshell: Sweet but not overbearing, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is a lovely little delight.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal copy. Sigh.

to the Winchester!

The Forest of Hands and Teeth
Carrie Ryan

This review's gonna be a fast read -- just like this book.

Ok so Mary lives in a village surrounded by the Unconsecrated (aka brain-eating zombies) and soon her (gulp) marriage will be upon her (it's all their good duty to have lots of un-unconsecrated babies) and meanwhile all she can do is wonder was the ocean is like and will she ever see it.

[Pssst. Hey, Mar. The ocean? Full of sand. (Said sand gets all up in your pants. Literally.) And there's sun. (If you're like me, said sun will burn you to a crisp.) And there's jellyfish. (Which are just gross.) Plus you'll have zombies. So, the ocean? Get over it.]

Anyway, the book:

GOOD: Zombies! Angst! Zombies! BRRRAAAINNSS

BAD: Protag was a bit too angsty. You're living in the zombie apocalypse: stop whining about your crush, already. Also, there were a few loose ends that weren't tied up, although they might better be resolved in the second novel, The Dead-Tossed Waves.

BEST: A fast-paced, gripping read read that was perfect for my treadmill. (I read the Kindle version, obvi.)

In a nutshell: Taut and entertaining, TFoHaT takes a look at those who fight to survive under what might be the most disturbing of circumstances.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I got the Kindle version for this, thankyouverymuch!



PS: The title to this post comes from my favorite zombie flick and not this novel. (Although, to be fair, going to the Winchester and having a nice cold pint sounds better than visiting a zombified ocean.)

Remember you must die

Memento Mori
Muriel Spark

It's a curious thing to objectively view a novel when you hated nearly EVERY. SINGLE. character. I mean, some seriously AWFUL people inhabit the pages of Spark's Memento Mori that I could barely get past the fourth chapter. Lucky for me, I soldiered on: things much improved (even if their characters didn't), and I found myself -- dare I say it -- even enjoying the novel.

I must say I'm proud of myself for even reading another Spark, since my first encounter with La Spark left something to be desired. But I was intrigued by the premise of the novel: a group of senior citizens begin receiving anonymous phone calls reminding them that they must die.

This is not a group of warm, sweet old people -- far from it. These pensioners are catty, scheming, and forever gossiping. They have secrets, hidden pasts, and a bottomless well of greed, and they are not above blackmail and intimidation to meet their desires. (As I said, the lot of them were vile creatures, which the exception of one (for the most part) sweet little biddy named Charmian. Wait -- Charmian?)

Don't squeeze the Charmian!
(I know, I know: GROAN...don't judge me)

These disturbing calls, however, are not the heart of the novel. Instead, the calls merely bring to light issues that had long been buried. In exploring the twilight of these people's lives, Spark comments not only on their individual foibles but also on what it means to live and grow old in modern times. She confronts aging without becoming sentimental; the result is a deft little novel, and one full of sharp wit.

Needless to say: I was pleasantly surprised.

In a nutshell: An intriguing premise, a slow start, a dash of wickedly sly humor, and a host of awful human beings combine to make a pretty good book.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I'm sure you already know . . . personal copy here.

I ain't afraid of no ghosts

Ghost Story
Peter Straub

Ugh. I SO wanted to adore Ghost Story. It's scary, it has ghosts (sorta), and lots of people were quoted on the cover as saying "omg scariest book evvar!!1" or some such, so I thought it was right up my alley. And although it may have been "up my alley," it was a reallllly long alley, and not a particularly nice one, either. Oh, wait you say, the alley is supposed to be me? Whatever, you know what I mean. I mean this book bored the pants off me.

Ok, so: the novel concerns "the Chowder Society," a group of old men who meet together and tell scary stories (and presumably eat chowder, although that part isn't made abundantly clear). So they tell scary stories and THEN scary stuff starts happening to them. And then it's happening not only to them but also to their sleepy little hamlet, which is about to experience the worst winter in history. (Side note: do not read this book in May after a particulary snowy winter, since MORE SNOW is the LAST thing I want to imagine right now).

Also, the narrative jumps around a bit, so at one point it's the future, then it's the present, then it's the past, then it's the WAY past, then it's the present, which is fine, I'm no dummy, but some of it was a bit draggy.

Which leads me to Disappointment #1. Simply put, Ghost Story was a wee bit long for my tastes. This novel could have been pared down significantly without losing any momentum. By the end I was just like WILL THIS SHAPESHIFTER / MANITOU / CREEPY THING KILL EVERYONE ALREADY BECAUSE I'M GETTING VERY SLEEPY OVER HERE.

Which leads me to Disappointment #2. One should probably not be sleepy while reading a scary book. However, I fell asleep NUMEROUS times while reading Ghost Story, which leads me to conclude this scary book IS NOT SCARY. True, there were a few creepy moments, but lots of things are creepy without being scary. To wit:



Question: Would you be afraid of this dog?

Answer: Not if you had a brain in your head: this thing is clearly punt-able, syringe or not. And anyone who is afraid of an evil chihuahua deserves what's coming to him.

Which brings me to Disappointment #3. True, the Big Evil in Ghost Story is not an evil chihuahua, but sometimes it might as well be. Some parts were just plain silly, while other parts didn't make sense within the context of the novel. I'd elaborate, but doing so would involve some spoilers. Also, I don't feel like it. So there.

In a nutshell: Yawn. (But yay! for reading another resolution title! [Remember that?])

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal copy (insert sad music here)

Promising but painful

Black Hills
Dan Simmons

I did it!! I DID IT!! DO YOU HEAR ME EVERYBODY??!?!?

Yes, it's true. It may have taken me months, but I have finally finished Black Hills. I finished last night during a marathon skim-fest that allowed me to cover nearly 150 pages.

First, let me be clear: I LOVE Dan Simmons. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but I think our relationship is on fairly solid ground.

That's why I was so disappointed to slog through Black Hills. The premise sounded promising: young Paha Sapa, a ten-year-old Sioux, is present at Little Big Horn and touches General Custer as he's dying. The ghost of Custer takes up residence within him and haunts him for the rest of his life. Years later, Paha Sapa finds himself at the construction of Mount Rushmore, and he feels it's his duty to bring the stone giants down.

See, you'd think that would be interesting, right? A ghost, living in you? Haunting you from within?

Well, don't be fooled.

Right: That's me (aren't I skinny?) while reading this book.

Ironically, during one point in the novel, Paha Sapa tries to read Henry James' Ambassadors, but "He simply can not get through it ... The story itself seems so insignificant, so overblown, so petty and obscure..." REALLY?!?!? Am I the only one who finds this totally ironic?!?

That's not to say Black Hills is an insignificant story -- but overblown? Impossible to get through? ABSOLUTELY.

In a nutshell: A great book that needs a fearless editor. As it stands, a bit painful. I still got love for Simmons, though.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I received a review copy from the publisher. Thanks, even though I wasn't so much a fan of this one.

Required Reading: The Sparrow

The Sparrow
Mary Doria Russell

Oh, The Sparrow. Where do I even begin?

I finished this book weeks ago, and yet I have not been able to put metaphorical pen to paper, until now. The interim has been filled with ceaseless pondering, The Sparrow continuing to occupy my mind even as I read several other novels.

Even now, scenes and characters from the novel still wander the halls of my mind, poking in at inopportune moments. When you consider that this is MDR's first novel, my envy is complete. Damn you, woman.

Before beginning with the obligatory summary, I must first state, as others have before me, that, although The Sparrow is classified as science-fiction, you should ignore this label if sci-fi ain't your bag. Although it may feature elements of sci-fi, this is literary fiction all the way.

Okay, on with the obligatory: The Sparrow follows two different timelines; we begin in 2059, when Emilio Sandoz, the lone survivor of an expedition to a faraway planet called Rakhat, returns to earth. Immediately an inquest is opened to discover the fates of the other explorers, but Sandoz is far too traumatized to offer up his secrets.

Before we can get too far, however, we are returned to 2019, as humanity first discovers life exists on Rakhat. While scanning the skies for extraterrestrial radio transmissions, beautiful, hymn-like singing can be heard. Because such music is nearly identical to our own songs of worship, many wonder if Rakhat can offer proof for the existence of God.

Quicker than you can shake a finger (or maybe not, if you happen to be Sandoz), eight intrepid explorers are off to meet the inhabitants of Rakhat. What they encounter is beyond all imagination and prompts them to question the meaning of faith, existence, and humanity. As an agnostic (something I dislike about myself, thanks to Yann Martel), I found this book very powerful; believers and non-believers alike cannot help but be affected by this novel.

In a nutshell: This crap review falls quite short of the power that is The Sparrow; simply put, you MUST read this book.

Oh, and Brad Pitt is set to play Emilio Sandoz? BLASPHEMY!

Oh, and, and -- many thanks to Heather for bringing this book to my attention!

Bibliolatry Scale: 6 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal copy, woot woot

Monsters, they are everywhere

The Monster of Florence
Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi

In this in-depth look at the Monster of Florence, the serial killer plaguing the area since the early 70s, thriller writer Douglas Preston has paired up with Italian reporter Mario Spezi to detail the specifics of the case and highlight whom they believe is the guilty party.

The Monster of Florence began shooting pairs of lovers in parked cars. He didn't stop there, though: the women (of course) were horribly mutilated, and pieces of them were removed -- and never found. Who could commit such a crime? Ten years later, and the killer is still at large, striking fear into the heart of everyone in the area.

Fast-forward a bit, and Douglas Preston arrives in the area to research a new novel. He'll never write this novel, discovering instead the Monster of Florence and his fascination with the case. He begins to research the crime, along with pal Mario Spezi, and the result is this book. Their investigation leads to a number of the investigations inadequacies and mistakes, so it's no surprise when they fall under the suspicious eye of the police. (Preston is unable to return to Italy to this day.)

At right: Douglas Preston

The Monster of Florence is as much about Florence as it is about the Monster. Preston and Spezi explain the underlying ideologies of the city's inhabitants, especially the need to save face and the compulsion to find conspiracy everywhere. Such a mindset, coupled with a particularly wily criminal, have allowed the Monster to escape prosecution.

My biggest complaint is the lack of pictures. A few pages of glossy pictures appear toward the end of the book, and yet not everyone central to the case is pictured. Some people mentioned only once or twice are pictured while others not at all. That's a small beef, though, and anyone interested in the case will be pleased with this effort.

In a nutshell: Mostly fast-paced and entirely true, The Monster of Florence is an intriguing look at some very recent -- and disturbing -- events.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Yet another Christmas present; no publisher ties here.

I can't believe I cried over a rat

Firmin
Sam Savage

If you're a book lover, you absolutely must read Firmin. Firmin is, well, a rat -- but he's the most likable fellow I've met in a long time.

Living in the basement of a bookstore in the 1960s, Firmin survives his early years by munching on the likes of Joyce and Melville. Soon, however, he learns that books are not for eating, but for reading -- and read he does, becoming arguably the most-educated rat to ever live.

Unfortunately, with his increasing knowledge comes a self-awareness that is none too kind. As Firmin becomes all-too-aware of his own limitations, he yearns for a greater life than the one he must endure.

Filled with allusions and pathos, Firmin is a book for everyone -- but especially for those who love literature. And look: the book comes replete with its own little bite mark. Sigh. I love you, Firmin!

In a nutshell: This is one rat you can't help but love. You can live with me, little buddy!

Bibliolatry Scale: 6 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I bought this one myself.

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now

Push
Sapphire

Woohoo -- I've finished reviews left over from October; now it's time for some tardy reviews from last month. No more tardy for the party!

So, I was doing a little Amazon shopping a few weeks ago, when I needed just a wee bit more for free shipping -- six buckies, to be exact. Amazon kindly made some recommendations, and I found Push for exactly six bucks. Six bucks?!?!? And it didn't even have the annoying movie tie-in cover? Sold!

Most of you are probably already aware that Push is the novel that has been made into the movie Precious, which has lately taken Hollywood by storm. While I haven't seen the movie, I have seen enough interviews with the actors in the film to know that I wanted to know more about this story.

Prose-wise, Push is a simple enough read, and I read it entirely over my Sunday-morning coffee. Prose aside, however, Push is not an easy book to read. Precious is badly abused by both her mother and her father, and her struggle to escape the cycle of violence is heartwrenching. Some passages are quite difficult to read, and -- I'm sure you could see this coming -- I cried more than once.

In a nutshell: Precious's story might disturb you, but her spirit will enchant you.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Dammit, I just said I bought this for myself from Amazon!

The real horror is next door to us

Contagious
Scott Sigler

Another day closer to 2010, another late review.

This time, I'm reviewing another of October's reads -- Contagious, the sequel to Infected, which I read in September. Contagious follows our intrepid hero and anti-hero as they seek to stop the impending invasion.

Contagious, like its predecessor, is relentless in its pacing; once you commit to the opening pages (actually, scratch that -- once you read Infected), you won't be able to put this book down until the last page.

Contagious picks up pretty much where Infected left off. Margaret Montoya and Dew Phillips have teamed up with badass Perry Dawsey to stave off the new wave of the invasion. Doing so won't be easy, however -- these aliens are feisty buggers with more than one trick up their sleeves.

The only thing that didn't polish my brass was a few overly-political scenes in which the President and his Cabinet debate how to handle the attack. I also hated how the female Secretary of State was a bleeding-heart liberal who felt that the loss of any innocent life was unconscionable. I consider myself a pretty liberal person, but in the event of any invasion -- alien, zombie, Canadian -- even I say shoot first, ask later. Sorry, Canada.

In a nutshell: Not as awesome as Infected (I actually felt a slight pang in ye olde heart after reading the ending, which was heart-wrenching, albeit utterly appropriate), but pretty awesome nonetheless. In fact, I'm looking up other Sigler titles as I type this. Hello, Ancestor. I'll be seeing you in 2010.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I purchased Contagious for the Kindle.

Strength does not come from physical capacity, but from an indomitable will

Infected
Scott Sigler

I don't remember how I heard about Scott Sigler's Infected, but whoever it is, I owe you a solid. Sigler combines an intelligent premise with fast-paced plot -- and he's got some serious writing chops to boot.

Alien seeds land on earth, most ineffectively falling to the ground or swept away by the weather. A lucky few, however, land on a couple of very unlucky individuals. In time, these seeds grow and evolve, probing deep into the human body. The infected, for their part, at first notice a rash which soon becomes an itchy, triangular growth that is an eerie blue color. Soon, these growths take on a life of their own...literally. It isn't long before the infected become violent, homicidal maniacs driven insane by the voices in their heads.

Thankfully, the CIA is on the case. Agent Dew Phillips seeks to find newly infected persons before they butcher both themselves and their families. CDC epidemiologist Margaret Montoya hopes to discover how to stop these triangles, which dissolve into a gooey mess not long after the host's death. Finally, former football player Perry Dawsey, who might be the best anti-hero ever created, finds himself infected -- and will stop at nothing to free himself from the triangles.

Sidenote: Dear Perry, please be real, and please come hang. We have lots of beer. You are teh awesome. xoxoxo

Anyway.

Infected explores the seeds burgeoning development, moving from mindless probes to sentient beings. There's a lot of science here, but it never feels that way. Infected is intelligent and believable. It's more than a little hair-raising. Equally pleasing, however, is the writing. This isn't a great story with bland writing -- Infected's got it all. As soon as I finished, I started Contagious, the sequel. I just can't get enough.

In a nutshell: Well written, perfectly paced, and a gripping premise -- what else could you ask for? Oh, yeah: no more triangles in the eyeball, please. I have a thing about eyeballs. Otherwise, we're cool.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

Fruit baskets and bum days

A Winter Haunting
Dan Simmons

Fruit baskets! I knew it couldn't last.

In the past two years or so, I've read and adored two recent novels written by Dan Simmons. Because I enjoyed his most recent works so much, I've vowed to read more of his earlier work. Hence, A Winter Haunting.

The premise sounds promising: Dale Stewart -- middle-aged, divorced, and depressed (not to mention heavily medicated) -- makes the trek back to his hometown in an effort to isolate himself. Such isolation is necessary to write his novel; of course, it's also necessary for him to face his own personal demons.

You see, years ago, Dale's best friend died under suspicious circumstances, which is partly why Dale returns to the now-empty house of his dead friend. Yes, that's right: he chooses to pass the winter in his dead friend's house, and, what's more, he even chooses to pass each night in his friend's very bed. Allllrighty then.

sounds like a perfectly sane plan!

The reader, of course, can see where this is headed long before dumb Dale does. Dale's personal demons return to haunt him -- both literally and figuratively. While several scenes were surprising, some were simply too...shall I say incredible? to elicit any actual apprehension in the reader.

I also had an issue with the narrative voice, which was a bit awkward for me, even if the premise was an intriguing one. (If you don't mind a minor spoiler -- and one resolved in the first chapter, at that -- you can highlight the following: The narrator is Dale's dead friend. Yes, you read that correctly. And while such a narrator sounds interesting, the execution was somewhat lacking.)

Still, I'm not done with Simmons, not by a long shot. I consider A Winter Haunting merely a pothole on an otherwise perfect highway. Right? RIGHT?

In a nutshell: I knew such high expectations were impossible to maintain. Sigh. I'm not giving up on him, though: we all have our bum days.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2.5 out of 6 stars

Why are vampires cheap dates?

The Strain
Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan

This month, I reviewed The Strain for the mighty Pajiba.

If you're worried The Strain is simply another vampire novel, you should at least know the authors had the good sense to make them angry and hungry, not kissy and concerned. To read the review in full, click here.

In a nutshell: It's a cheap thrill and a good time. I'm looking forward to the next installment due in 2010.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars


(The answer to the riddle in the title? Because they eat necks to nothing! Hardy har har.)

Are you a virgin?

Mr. Muo's Travelling Couch
Dai Sijie

You know what? There are some books that defy a serious review. This is one of them. Allow me to present to you Random Facts about Mr. Muo's Travelling Couch:

1. Mr. Muo REALLY wants a virgin.

2. This book was part of my reading resolution.

3. I didn't really care for this book.

4. While a lot happened in the novel, not much ever seemed to happen. Puzzling.

5. This book has appeared under the (much better, in my opinion) title "Le Complexe de Di," or The Di Complex (much like the Oedipal complex that so fascinates Muo). I prefer the other title, as it emphasizes how another's desires influence Muo. In all honesty, though, I probably wouldn't have cared for the book no matter what title it had.

6. I much preferred Sijie's Balzac And The Little Chinese Seamstress.

7. Oh well.

In a nutshell: In finding a virgin to offer to the wily Judge Di, Muo hopes to free his love from prison. While this sounds interesting, I couldn't must a care for anyone in the bok.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

Never con a Con

The Ivy Tree
Mary Stewart

Hm. This one had such promise. Perhaps it hasn't aged well?

The Ivy Tree promised to be a fast read. It had mystery, it had romance. It had a gorgeous English manor that made me envious. I thought it would be an easy read to knock off another title in my resolution. Unfortunately, I was a bit deceived.

Mary Grey meets a mysterious man while visiting Northumberland. This angry, even frightening, man believes Mary to be his long-lost cousin Annabel. When he learns Mary is not his cousin, Connor Winslow hatches a plot, and soon he's convinced Mary to return to his home posing as Annabel in order to secure an inheritance. What's in it for Mary? Money, of course -- enough to live easily for the rest of her life. Mary agrees and quickly finds herself knee-deep in trouble.

Like I said, The Ivy Tree started out well enough, but then things just seemed full of teh obvious. I mean, the bad guy's named Con. CON. Certainly not surprising when he proves himself dishonest. Furthermore, some of the dialogue was a bit stilted and VERY old fashioned and even a bit sexist, which was awkward given the author is a woman.

There were a few positives. It wasn't so awful that I gave up. I was interested enough in these (rather flat, unfortunately) characters to make it to the end. Still, while a few things surprised me, and the novel's bit o' romance was sweet enough, I don't feel interested in reading more by this author.

In a nutshell: Mystery + romance + intrigue + deception = YAWN

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars