Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Take a ride on the Insane Train

Chariots of the Gods
Erich von Daniken

Every once in awhile, I've had it with reality. When this happens, I make myself a very special treat. I take a hefty dose of ground-up vicodin and a few tablespoons of some quality methamphetamine and sprinkle them all over my Lucky Charms. You might think I next add milk to this healthy concoction, but you'd be wrong. Gin is the only way to complement this tasty confection. Sweet, cheap gin. Then I turn on Intervention and laugh and laugh and laugh.

It was on one of these galactic escapades that I met Erich von Daniken. He started to tell me all kinds of crazy shit, like God is really an interstellar astronaut. Then he took a big hit on a glass bong and flew up into the heavens on his great purple wings. Now that's some good shit!

Drugs are bad, kids

Usually I chalk up such visions to an overdose, but I kept thinking of him long after the meds had worn off. That's when I found Chariots of the Gods. It wasn't a dream after all!

Using points from the Bible and other religious scriptures, von Daniken theorizes that, long ago, interstellar astronauts came to earth and bred with us. They returned at other key moments in our development and didn't always like what they found. When that happened, they just killed us off, a la Noah and the great flood. He uses Egyptian and Sumerian art to argue that what are assumed to be depictions of the gods are really depictions of interstellar travelers.

To be fair, von Daniken doesn't assert that his theories are true. He does, however, believe that more research is needed. At times, he argues convincingly (he is at his most convincing when comparing the mythologies of several early cultures), but not at others. A lot of the book is simply question-raising. Why do we see this? Why do we believe that? Why do high-waisted pants make women look fat?

In a nutshell: Many questions, few answers, but interesting overall. Until we meet again, von Daniken.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3.5 out of 6 stars


Madeleine said...

Ha ha ha, I had fun reading your review :)

i heard this theory before based on cave drawings showing what seems to look like astronauts, rockets etc...

Have a great day

nutmeag said...

I really should read this, if only in thanks to Mr. von Daniken for inspiring Battlestar Galactica and Stargate. Where would I be without those shows?!?

TexasRed said...

Wow - definitely interesting ideas.

raych said...

Someone was mildly displeased enough with von Daniken to afflict him with the Deadly Orange-Face.

Also, how do you caption photos like that? I always covet this skill of yours, and feel that my reviews would me far more photo-laden and hilarious if I could do likewise.

ALSO, my word verification is 'uphindla,' which is where those jokers in that center photo are from. Coincidence? Hardly. SOMEONE is tinkering with my mind.