Bibliolatrist's Holiday Gift Guide, 2007

With the holiday season here, you might be wondering what to get the book lover in your life. Of course, if you’re reading this site, chances are good that you are the book lover in your life. If that’s the case, simply walk away from the computer after conveniently “forgetting” to close this window. The next person to use the computer will know just want to get you. Problem solved.

If you are looking for that perfect gift for a book lover, look no further. I present to you several fabulous gift ideas for anyone who loves a good book. I’ve even been so kind as to tell you which bookish gifts to avoid. Cheers.

First off, under no circumstances are you to purchase a book for your book lover. And yes, I DID make the accompanying graphic in MS Paint. Why, thank you, my computer skills *are* amazing, aren't they? Oh, please, stop. You're making me blush.

Anyway, although a book might seem like the obvious choice, you are actually walking blindly into the biggest trap of them all. You can never underestimate the voracity of a book lover, and you might very well end up purchasing a book that’s already been read. Or, worse: you might purchase a book by her most-hated author.

Either way, chances are good that you’ll only be forcing your poor book lover to slather on a fake smile and ooze warm wishes of thanks for your thoughtfulness. As if it’s the thought that counts. The only people who truly believe that are the ones who didn’t get stuck with a shitty book. I’m just saying.

(By the way, the ONLY exception to this rule is, obviously enough, if you have been directly instructed to buy a specific book for your book lover. In that case, buy away.)

If, however, you are not lucky enough to be explicitly told which books your book lover would like, then follow these suggestions for some smooth holiday giving. Of course, you could always wuss out and buy a gift certificate to a bookstore, but that's like saying, "I didn't know what to get a crazy book lover like you, you difficult shit!" And considering it's the holidays, it's best not to be insulting.

Without further ado, I bring you the good, the bad, and the ugly in bookish gifts.


THE GOOD

THE BOOKMARK. Look. Allow me to be blunt for a second, ok? It’s nearly impossible to fuck up a bookmark. Even a pill-popping starlet with the mental capacity of my left ass cheek would be able to pull this one off. Bookmarks are always needed and easily misplaced; therefore, having a lot of them is a must. Like shoes, just one won’t cut it. So go ahead and choose one or a dozen for your book-loving friend. I myself am partial to this one.

THE BOOK BAG. Here’s another fairly easy one. Book lovers rarely read one book at a time, so a book tote will always come in handy. Plus, you’ll score extra points if your book lover’s a woman, cause then it’s kinda like a purse, and what woman wouldn’t like another purse, especially if you can put books in it? Yeah yeah, girl power and all that. I’ve linked to a few good ones here, here, and here.

THE BOOKISH T-SHIRT. I debated over where to include this gift; bookish clothing automatically equals bad in my book. There are dozens of bookish t-shirts out there, and many of them are downright lame. However, I do kinda fancy this shirt. So, if you are able to locate a cool book shirt, then fine. Otherwise, stay away.

THE BACK REST. If your book lover's like me, then reading in bed is a favorite pastime. Unfortunately, if you don't keep a mountain of pillows on the bed, neck and back pain quickly follow. The solution? A nice little back rest. This one has a lot of bells and whistles, although less-expensive alternatives can be found with minimal searching.


THE BAD

THE MEAN GIFT. This one is actually kinda funny. You think you’re getting books, but – gotcha! It’s food. Sucker.

THE BOOKISH ACTION FIGURE. A librarian action figure?? For real? As in not a joke? Hm. I see this just collecting dust. Better to dance across a minefield than go this route.


THE UGLY

BOOK CLOTHING. Look, books are for reading. The only possibly acceptable form of wearable books comes in the form of jewelry. But even that's pushing it. In general, follow this rule: books + clothing = ugly. See? Shouldn't be too difficult to remember.

THE BOOK SCARF. This sneaky form of book clothing is so insidious it deserves its own entry. Many think that because scarves do not equal clothes that it is okay to purchase a book scarf as a gift. NO! Although this might seem like a good idea, under no circumstances should you ever purchase such a scarf for anyone. I don’t care if your book lover is eighty years old. NO ONE IS EVER OLD ENOUGH FOR A BOOK SCARF. Book scarves are like a huge neon sign saying DEATH AHEAD. Don’t do it.


And now, shop on. Warm wishes to you all, tra la la la la and all that.

Peer pressure kills

The Grass Is Singing
Doris Lessing

The Grass is Singing was my second jaunt into the world of Lessing; this, her first novel, is set against the backdrop of white-ruled South Africa. This short novel (practically a novella, really) is a study in psychology, portraying the suffocating nature of both the landscape and the society that inhabits it.

For awhile, I was so stifled by the setting that, despite the cool weather, I could feel the South African heat almost as if it were literally upon me. How on earth do people live in such conditions? The sun, the heat, the humidity — give me my foggy, dreary climes any day of the week. I prefer a jaunt upon the moors before a walk on the beach any day.

But a walk on the beach is most certainly what is this book is NOT, not matter how similar the weather may be. The novel begins as a black man is arrested for the murder of a white woman, arrested, interestingly enough, hours after the murder and yet still at the scene of the crime. The murderer, knowing his fate is sealed, makes no attempt to flee. Meanwhile, the victim’s husband wanders the nearby fields, having suffered a mental breakdown. What could have brought these three individuals to this state? We will soon learn that all three are victims, and Lessing will examine the myriad causes and effects that have laid these people so low.

Soon after describing this final scene, Lessing takes us back in time, to a moment when the deceased, Mary, is alive and well. In fact, she flourishes. One immediately wonders how such a happy person can meet such a fate, and we realize how much can change in an instant. Mary is what is deemed by others to be an odd sort of woman, although she herself is oblivious to their judgment – she is a single woman living independently and happily, and though she nears thirty, she has not married. In fact, she has no plans to – she enjoys her life as it is, free and complete.

Unfortunately, one day Mary overhears some friends discussing her odd lifestyle, and finds shame in their condemnation and curiosity. At once questioning her lifestyle, she decides it might be best if she married after all.

Wait, WHAT???

YOU EEDIOT!

And so, Mary enters into what is, not surprisingly, an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage with a man completely incapable of satisfying any of her needs. Poor Dick Turner. It’s not his fault; he didn’t know how poor his taste in a wife would turn out to be.

Dick is a farmer ... well, sorta. Dick has as much luck growing crops as I have at changing a tire. Dick slaves away, day after day, year after year, and only just manages to avoid total bankruptcy. While he tills the fields, Mary is left alone, sweltering in their tin can of a hut, alone with a rotating cast of servants, all black men she quickly alienates.

The South African society is partially to blame. As a white woman, Mary is forced by social codes to behave in a certain way. She is to be cold, aloof, demanding – even though she is by nature none of those things. And, although not originally a racist, Mary’s forced behavior modifies her way of thinking. Lessing is quite adept at portraying the subtle changes that occur in the attitudes of the whites who arrive in the area: all arrive hopeful, vowing to be different from the others, vowing to be open-minded and friendly. All soon succumb to racism.

Like the rest, Mary quickly changes from the open-minded woman of days past to a demanding, prejudiced housewife who takes out all of her frustrations on her servant. Because of her irrational standards, servant after servant leaves their employ.

Until, that is, Moses arrives. Moses and Mary begin to share an odd bond. Although he is her servant, Moses behaves more like her equal. Mary finds in Moses a comfort she cannot find anywhere else.

Why, then, would Moses kill Mary? Is he murderer or savior? Lessing leaves the reader to ponder these possibilities. If anyone is to blame, it is not Moses, but instead the stifling society into which all are thrown and from which none of them can escape.

In a nutshell: DON’T GET MARRIED JUST BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS SAY YOU’RE WEIRD FOR BEING SINGLE. If you do, don’t be surprised when your life turns to shit. Duh.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

And now for a brief interlude...

Now just sit back, kiddies, and let me tell you a story about a wee little website with some very humble beginnings.

* * *

Upon first learning that she was to give birth, our mother was nervous indeed, and it's true that many women are less than thrilled to learn they are about to give birth to a website. This mother, however, was not worried about having a website; on the contrary, she had hoped for one and was overjoyed when the doctor confirmed her suspicions (although to be fair many had predicted it, since she was carrying so low).

Her worries, then, were not for herself as mother, but rather for her child. Would anyone visit it? she fretted. What if no one likes it? Quite simply, our young mother worried no one would love her child.

However, first on her list of worries, oddly enough, was the name of her impending website. With this task she had a very difficult time: a single mother, she had no one to help her in this most momentous of tasks. Name after name rattled through her head. She scoffed at them all. Nothing was good enough.

She searched high and low for a name that would best represent her child in the world. The chosen name must be regal, lofty -- and yet it must not be confusing, lest no one remember it. It must be serious, weighty -- and yet a bit of irony was also a must. With this dilemma she occupied a stretch of several minutes.

Finally, she alighted upon the name, and on this very day just two short years ago, Bibliolatry was born.

Since then, Bibliolatry has developed into a bumbling, cheeky toddler. Like any two-year-old, she is irrational and must be watched closely at all times. She can often be found about to stick a finger in a socket or flushing something inappropriate down the commode. She is given to tantrums and flights of fancy, and her likes and dislikes frequently cannot be foretold. Often her poor, harried mother must drown her senses in a bottle of wine after Bibliolatry has fallen asleep.

All the same, our young mother wouldn't change her daughter for the world. Bibliolatry has improved much in these two years; she has grown from a barely articulate newborn into a fairly witty toddler. Mom has changed as well; she is less worried, for one. Her fears that her daughter would not be loved have proven unfounded, for Bibliolatry is not without its admirers.

Our tale draws to a close; it would be wise now to leave our mother and daughter, who are enjoying a rare moment of peace. It's a quiet Sunday evening; having just enjoyed some birthday cake, mother reads aloud to her daughter. We cannot tell whether Bibliolatry will like what she hears; one can never tell until the last page has been read. But until that time, our young mother is guaranteed a moment of peace. Let's leave them there, reading tranquilly by the fire. Such peace, we know, cannot last.

Well, hello, Bibliolatrist. Welcome to 2007.

It seems I've just discovered the podcast. Sure, I've heard about podcasts before, but I never actually listened to one. More importantly, I've just learned that there are podcasts about books. Egads, what an idea. (Yes, yes, I'm behind the times, whatever.)

Anyway, like a kid in a candy store, I subscribed to as many as I could find, and I have to say I'm enjoying them all. I don't know how to link to them from here, but if you enter the title in iTunes (or whatever it is you use), you should probably find it easily enough.

Enjoy!

• Garrison Keillor's The Writer's Almanac
  
• Sam Tanenhaus of The New York Times (Book Reviews)
  
• The Classic Tales Podcast
  
• The New Yorker Fiction
  
• iTunes: Meet the Author
  
• Hall of Mirrors: Tales of Horror and the Grotesque
  
• KQED: The Writers' Block
  
• NPR: Book Tour
  
• PRI: Selected Shorts
  
• SciFi Surplus
  
• The Washington Post Book World Podcast
  
• BBC World Book Club

If you know of any other interesting podcasts that I haven't listed here, please suggest them in the comments. Thanks!

The year of self-inflicted torture

The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible
A.J. Jacobs

My latest review is up at Pajiba, and you may click here to read it. This time I tackled The Year of Living Biblically, by A.J. Jacobs. Basically, the author follows every rule in the Bible for an entire year.

I have to say that I was really pleasantly surprised by this book; I hate to admit that I at first wrote the book off as boring, but I was wrong. To be fair, let me explain my train of thought, which went a little something like this: Bible = boring. Pretty simple stuff, really, but I never said I was deep. Okay, maybe I did say that. Whatever.

Anyway, I was wrong. The book was great. It made me laugh out loud (and not the fake LOL kind that actually means you didn't laugh out loud) and it even made me think about my own faith. Good stuff. (Plus, the fact that it wasn't boring didn't hurt.)

In a nutshell: The Year of Living Biblically provides a lot of interesting, thought-provoking bits -- without forcing the reader to suffer the same torture the author endured for a year. (And, in all honesty, the author didn't consider it torture but I sure would, especially if I were his wife.)

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars


And finally, for you Atonement fans, this website has clips of the film adaptation, which premieres in the US next month. Enjoy!

Wasting away the moments that make up a dull day

Here's a blogging meme I stole from Dewey. I should have another review posted tomorrow on The Grass is Singing, another Doris Lessing novel.

1. Do you remember learning to read? How old were you?
According to my grandmother, I learned to read at two. I can’t help but think she’s exaggerating, though. Perhaps she just means that I would read back the stories that she read to me. If she is correct, I’m a genius and I should be elected next ruler of the world. That is all.

2. What do you find most challenging to read?
I don't so much find anything in particular challenging to read; I do, however, find it challenging to read after a long day or when I'm tired. It's right to sleep if I do.

3. What are your library habits?
If by “library habits” you mean “shopping habits,” then I spend way too much on books. I always say I’m going to visit the library, but I really need to own my books. It's kinda like a fetish. I have a hard time letting go of them as well, something I have to do every so often in order to save space.

4. Have your library habits changed since you were younger?
Yes. When I was younger, I visited the library. Now I don’t.

5. How has blogging changed your reading life?
It’s kept me writing, which is the most important aspect of blogging to me, especially since I’m no longer a student so I don’t have the pressure to write like I used to have. It’s also a great way to remember what I’ve read, and I’ve “met” a lot of really great people through my blog. It also helps me decide which books to read next. I also read differently, since I’m always reading with a review in mind.

6. What percentage of your books do you get from: New book stores, second hand book stores, the library, online exchange sites, online retailers, other?
Online retailers, probably 95%. The rest would be from new bookstores.

7. How often do you read a book and NOT review it in your blog? What are your reasons for not blogging about books?
Hardly ever. I don’t review cookbooks, and I don’t review books that I’m teaching.

8. What are your pet peeves about ways people abuse books? Dogearing pages? Reading in the bath?
When people use my book as a coaster. (Yes, this has been known to happen.) Or when people bend the spine. Or the pages. Or the cover. Basically, if you touch my book, I hate you.

9. Do you ever read for pleasure at work?
All the time. That’s one of the perks of my job.

10. When you give people books as gifts, how do you decide what to give them?
It depends, really. I try to match a book to their interests, obviously. Generally I avoid the book gift, since I don’t want to be the “oh, look, the English teacher got me a book for a present” person.

Cover blurbs finally got it right: this book is perfection

Atonement
Ian McEwan

There are certain books that, after having finished them, one almost weeps for the experience. Reading Atonement, my first McEwan novel, was just such an event.

I’d heard his name bandied about for years, generally in connection to high praise or a literary award, and every time I’d come across another McEwan reference I’d think: “Oh yes, I really *do* need to read some of him right away” and then promptly forget all about the resolution. I only wish I had followed my intuition years ago, or else I would have sooner read Atonement, what might be McEwan's most well-known work (in addition to, perhaps, On Chesil Beach).

To say Atonement was astounding would be putting it mildly, and there really isn't much I can give in the way of praise that hasn't been said by persons more qualified than I. For once, all the praise, all the cover blurbs hailing McEwan as the second coming of [insert lit-changing author here] are true. Suffice it to say, I feel compelled to go out and buy every work of his I can lay my hands on, and I’m just thankful I purchased Saturday at the same time I grabbed this one so I need not wait.

For those of you who haven’t yet read this work (I feel as though I’m the last one to board this train), Atonement is a study in how one person’s incomplete understanding of a situation can have irrevocable, life-altering results. Briony, a young girl given to fantasy, witnesses a scene between her older sister and a young man. Naïve and immature, Briony entirely misinterprets the scene and imagines a reality far different from the one inhabited by her sister. Possessed by her truth, Briony feels compelled to act, and in so doing sets forth a chain of events that will change the lives of everyone involved.

Please bear in mind that the above summary does entirely zero justice the novel, which is grander in scope and much more compelling than it might seem. At first, Atonement forced a visceral reaction from me that prevented me from finishing the book more quickly. I loathed Briony with a passion and could not bear to read too much of the book at once. I wanted to tear the pages of the novel in an attempt to beat this brat senseless. As the novel progresses, however, the characters grow and change, and so too did my perspective. By the end of the novel, I had come to feel a sort of pity for Briony (even though I’d still like to give her a good smack), whose life is also forever affected by her unwise, childish actions.

Finally, IMDB lists this film as being released in the UK in September of this year. Has it premiered over here yet, or have I just been dolefully unaware of it? I’m not sure I can take Keira Knightly as Cecilia, but I suppose one must push on, regardless of the misfortunes life throws one’s way. Sigh.

In a nutshell: If there’s a flaw in this book I can’t find it, but far be it from me to point one out if I could. Atonement = perfection.

Bibliolatry Scale: 6 out of 6 stars

An interesting survey

I swiped this survey from Dewey, and it's been a lovely way of keeping me from doing work I actually have to do. But it was fun. Some real posts will be up soon.

Anyway, this questionnaire was first filled out by Marcel Proust. You can visit the original site and read more about it here. In the meantime, here are my answers, which are probably not as entertaining as Proust's.

Your most marked characteristic?
Introversion and a desire for knowledge.

The quality you most like in a man?
A sense of humor and intelligence.

The quality you most like in a woman?
The same as for men, but I also like women who lack cattiness (even though I have my moments).

What do you most value in your friends?
In general, a lack of cattiness and judgment, but I appreciate friends who are good at email and understand my anti-social tendencies.

What is your principle defect?
Laziness.

What is your favorite occupation?
Reading.

What is your dream of happiness?
A long and happy life.

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
Losing my husband. Or my eyeball. Because, you know, that’s some nasty shit.

What would you like to be?
A writer type (a.k.a. someone who can get paid to read and not leave her house).

In what country would you like to live?
France, England, or Ireland. Somewhere cloudy. The sun and I don’t often get along.

What is your favorite color?
Cerulean. Okay, I also like purple.

What is your favorite flower?
Purty ones.

What is your favorite bird?
Good lord, I don’t care much for birds. Hm. Lemme think about this one. Birds, birds, birds. Nah, I’ll pass.

Ooh! I know! A dove.

Actually, I take that back. I really don't like birds.

Who are your favorite prose writers?
Margaret Atwood and David Mitchell; I think I could throw in a few others, but that’s it for now.

Who are your favorite poets?
Wislawa Szymborska and Louise Gluck.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Heathcliff, and he’s a Byronic hero, thank you. And a little Patrick Bateman just for shits and giggles.

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Lola, Catherine Earnshaw...I'm forgetting someone. Oh well.

Who are your favorite composers?
Beethoven. There is no other, although Vivaldi would be a close second.

Who are your favorite painters?
Don’t really have any.

Who are your heroes in real life?
My husband and my family.

What is it you most dislike?
Bugs, rude people, carbs (even though they are so so good), bad eyeballs, people who think too highly of themselves, bad drivers, stupid people, narrow-mindedness, country music, humidity, Paris Hilton, people who confuse your/you’re and to/too/two, etc.

I could go on but I think that’s rather enough.

What natural gift would you most like to possess?
I would like to be more sociable and outgoing. I daydream too much instead of interacting with those around me.

How would you like to die?
Surrounded by groupies and sycophants.

What is your present state of mind?
Awesome, as usual. That’s just how I roll.

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
I’m quoting Dewey here by interpreting this to mean what faults can I most easily forgive in other people, not my own faults.

I dunno, I’m kind of a bitch.

What is your motto?
Non omnis moriar.

YES

Although I normally don't anticipate remakes, I must say my nether regions are all a-tingle over this.

Yeah, I admit: I know what CHUD stands for.

In fact, I OWN CHUD.

On VHS.

Whatever. It's a classic. Don't hate.

So, let's recap: We can soon enjoy an updated version of American Gladiators. Awesome. Soon, knock on wood, we can luxuriate in the joy that is CHUD. Don't screw it up, Zombie. Although, I must admit, CHUD is pretty amazing and can only be improved upon, in my humble opinion.

Don't enter the sewers!

Serves you right, fools

The Haunting of Hill House
Shirley Jackson

I always wonder to myself: If I had the opportunity to spend a night in a "haunted" house, would I go? I say so in theory, but would I really? Somehow, I think I'd chicken out. Visiting is one thing, but spending the night? Isn't that just asking for trouble? And when you tempt fate, don't be surprised when you get bitten in the ass. So, to the characters of Shirley Jackson's novella The Haunting of Hill House, I say serves you right.

The novella begins as Dr. Montague seeks people to assist him in studying Hill House. He wants to document evidence of supernatural phenomena, and he seeks those with some history of involvement with the paranormal. Despite the dozens of invitations he sends, only two assistants arrive at the door to Hill House: Eleanor, a shy and lonely woman who has recently been freed from servitude by the death of her mother, and Theo, a sophisticated lady who can pick up on the emotions and thoughts of others. Along with them is Luke, the nephew of the owner, there to keep an eye on things. The four of them plan to spend the summer in Hill House and see if the rumors are true.

And what, exactly, are the rumors? It’s true the house has a checkered past – lots of “accidental” deaths and even a suicide or two – but nothing that clearly proves the house is evil. Of course, there’s the unfortunate connection between “Hill” and “hell,” but that isn’t proof of the supernatural. And just because no one will go there after dark might be just out of respect. At any rate, the house is huge and impressive, and the rooms within rooms adds to the claustrophobic effect by making it difficult to find one’s way around. The house consumes its inhabitants.

okay, maybe I'd take a little evil if it meant living here

Despite the overwhelming sense of claustrophobia, nothing much happens at first. Doors close that were left open, but perhaps that’s just due to the odd geometry of the house. As the doctor explains, every angle in the house is wrong, creating a “large distortion” in the house. Soon enough, however, more sinister occurrences happen, and it becomes increasingly difficult to explain these events as purely innocent, especially as the suffocating nature of the house causes cracks in the psyche of each inhabitant.

However, it soon becomes clear that Eleanor is targeted in a different way than the others. This isn’t totally unforeseen, since she has from the beginning of the book repeated a line of poetry to herself over and over: Journeys end in lovers meeting. Perhaps that’s not the best sentiment one can feel upon meeting what is commonly assumed to be an evil place.

Eleanor is certainly affected differently than the others, and no wonder: she is all alone in the world, and it is her loneliness and need to belong that mark her as more susceptible to Hill House than the others. She becomes enmeshed in a world of illusions, and at times the reader finds it difficult to separate what is actually happening from what Eleanor is imagining. Are the others turning against her? Or is the house infiltrating her mind? And what will become of her -- can she withstand the onslaught of Hill House?

In a nutshell: An excellent psychological ghost story; it's a must for fans of Jackson or for anyone who enjoys a good, unnerving tale.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars