With the holiday season here, you might be wondering what to get the book lover in your life. Of course, if you’re reading this site, chances are good that you are the book lover in your life. If that’s the case, simply walk away from the computer after conveniently “forgetting” to close this window. The next person to use the computer will know just want to get you. Problem solved.
If you are looking for that perfect gift for a book lover, look no further. I present to you several fabulous gift ideas for anyone who loves a good book. I’ve even been so kind as to tell you which bookish gifts to avoid. Cheers.
First off, under no circumstances are you to purchase a book for your book lover. And yes, I DID make the accompanying graphic in MS Paint. Why, thank you, my computer skills *are* amazing, aren't they? Oh, please, stop. You're making me blush.
Anyway, although a book might seem like the obvious choice, you are actually walking blindly into the biggest trap of them all. You can never underestimate the voracity of a book lover, and you might very well end up purchasing a book that’s already been read. Or, worse: you might purchase a book by her most-hated author.
Either way, chances are good that you’ll only be forcing your poor book lover to slather on a fake smile and ooze warm wishes of thanks for your thoughtfulness. As if it’s the thought that counts. The only people who truly believe that are the ones who didn’t get stuck with a shitty book. I’m just saying.
(By the way, the ONLY exception to this rule is, obviously enough, if you have been directly instructed to buy a specific book for your book lover. In that case, buy away.)
If, however, you are not lucky enough to be explicitly told which books your book lover would like, then follow these suggestions for some smooth holiday giving. Of course, you could always wuss out and buy a gift certificate to a bookstore, but that's like saying, "I didn't know what to get a crazy book lover like you, you difficult shit!" And considering it's the holidays, it's best not to be insulting.
Without further ado, I bring you the good, the bad, and the ugly in bookish gifts.
THE GOOD
THE BOOKMARK. Look. Allow me to be blunt for a second, ok? It’s nearly impossible to fuck up a bookmark. Even a pill-popping starlet with the mental capacity of my left ass cheek would be able to pull this one off. Bookmarks are always needed and easily misplaced; therefore, having a lot of them is a must. Like shoes, just one won’t cut it. So go ahead and choose one or a dozen for your book-loving friend. I myself am partial to this one.
THE BOOK BAG. Here’s another fairly easy one. Book lovers rarely read one book at a time, so a book tote will always come in handy. Plus, you’ll score extra points if your book lover’s a woman, cause then it’s kinda like a purse, and what woman wouldn’t like another purse, especially if you can put books in it? Yeah yeah, girl power and all that. I’ve linked to a few good ones here, here, and here.
THE BOOKISH T-SHIRT. I debated over where to include this gift; bookish clothing automatically equals bad in my book. There are dozens of bookish t-shirts out there, and many of them are downright lame. However, I do kinda fancy this shirt. So, if you are able to locate a cool book shirt, then fine. Otherwise, stay away.
THE BACK REST. If your book lover's like me, then reading in bed is a favorite pastime. Unfortunately, if you don't keep a mountain of pillows on the bed, neck and back pain quickly follow. The solution? A nice little back rest. This one has a lot of bells and whistles, although less-expensive alternatives can be found with minimal searching.
THE BAD
THE MEAN GIFT. This one is actually kinda funny. You think you’re getting books, but – gotcha! It’s food. Sucker.
THE BOOKISH ACTION FIGURE. A librarian action figure?? For real? As in not a joke? Hm. I see this just collecting dust. Better to dance across a minefield than go this route.
THE UGLY
BOOK CLOTHING. Look, books are for reading. The only possibly acceptable form of wearable books comes in the form of jewelry. But even that's pushing it. In general, follow this rule: books + clothing = ugly. See? Shouldn't be too difficult to remember.
THE BOOK SCARF. This sneaky form of book clothing is so insidious it deserves its own entry. Many think that because scarves do not equal clothes that it is okay to purchase a book scarf as a gift. NO! Although this might seem like a good idea, under no circumstances should you ever purchase such a scarf for anyone. I don’t care if your book lover is eighty years old. NO ONE IS EVER OLD ENOUGH FOR A BOOK SCARF. Book scarves are like a huge neon sign saying DEATH AHEAD. Don’t do it.
And now, shop on. Warm wishes to you all, tra la la la la and all that.
If you are looking for that perfect gift for a book lover, look no further. I present to you several fabulous gift ideas for anyone who loves a good book. I’ve even been so kind as to tell you which bookish gifts to avoid. Cheers.
First off, under no circumstances are you to purchase a book for your book lover. And yes, I DID make the accompanying graphic in MS Paint. Why, thank you, my computer skills *are* amazing, aren't they? Oh, please, stop. You're making me blush.Anyway, although a book might seem like the obvious choice, you are actually walking blindly into the biggest trap of them all. You can never underestimate the voracity of a book lover, and you might very well end up purchasing a book that’s already been read. Or, worse: you might purchase a book by her most-hated author.
Either way, chances are good that you’ll only be forcing your poor book lover to slather on a fake smile and ooze warm wishes of thanks for your thoughtfulness. As if it’s the thought that counts. The only people who truly believe that are the ones who didn’t get stuck with a shitty book. I’m just saying.
(By the way, the ONLY exception to this rule is, obviously enough, if you have been directly instructed to buy a specific book for your book lover. In that case, buy away.)
If, however, you are not lucky enough to be explicitly told which books your book lover would like, then follow these suggestions for some smooth holiday giving. Of course, you could always wuss out and buy a gift certificate to a bookstore, but that's like saying, "I didn't know what to get a crazy book lover like you, you difficult shit!" And considering it's the holidays, it's best not to be insulting.
Without further ado, I bring you the good, the bad, and the ugly in bookish gifts.
THE GOOD
THE BOOKMARK. Look. Allow me to be blunt for a second, ok? It’s nearly impossible to fuck up a bookmark. Even a pill-popping starlet with the mental capacity of my left ass cheek would be able to pull this one off. Bookmarks are always needed and easily misplaced; therefore, having a lot of them is a must. Like shoes, just one won’t cut it. So go ahead and choose one or a dozen for your book-loving friend. I myself am partial to this one.THE BOOK BAG. Here’s another fairly easy one. Book lovers rarely read one book at a time, so a book tote will always come in handy. Plus, you’ll score extra points if your book lover’s a woman, cause then it’s kinda like a purse, and what woman wouldn’t like another purse, especially if you can put books in it? Yeah yeah, girl power and all that. I’ve linked to a few good ones here, here, and here.
THE BOOKISH T-SHIRT. I debated over where to include this gift; bookish clothing automatically equals bad in my book. There are dozens of bookish t-shirts out there, and many of them are downright lame. However, I do kinda fancy this shirt. So, if you are able to locate a cool book shirt, then fine. Otherwise, stay away.
THE BACK REST. If your book lover's like me, then reading in bed is a favorite pastime. Unfortunately, if you don't keep a mountain of pillows on the bed, neck and back pain quickly follow. The solution? A nice little back rest. This one has a lot of bells and whistles, although less-expensive alternatives can be found with minimal searching.
THE BAD
THE MEAN GIFT. This one is actually kinda funny. You think you’re getting books, but – gotcha! It’s food. Sucker.
THE BOOKISH ACTION FIGURE. A librarian action figure?? For real? As in not a joke? Hm. I see this just collecting dust. Better to dance across a minefield than go this route.
THE UGLY
BOOK CLOTHING. Look, books are for reading. The only possibly acceptable form of wearable books comes in the form of jewelry. But even that's pushing it. In general, follow this rule: books + clothing = ugly. See? Shouldn't be too difficult to remember.
THE BOOK SCARF. This sneaky form of book clothing is so insidious it deserves its own entry. Many think that because scarves do not equal clothes that it is okay to purchase a book scarf as a gift. NO! Although this might seem like a good idea, under no circumstances should you ever purchase such a scarf for anyone. I don’t care if your book lover is eighty years old. NO ONE IS EVER OLD ENOUGH FOR A BOOK SCARF. Book scarves are like a huge neon sign saying DEATH AHEAD. Don’t do it.And now, shop on. Warm wishes to you all, tra la la la la and all that.
13 comments:
Yeah! What you said! Althought I *do* have a book tie ... which I wear as a belt ... I'm an English teacher, though, and also female, so I can do shit like that ...
That's okay - ties used as belts are automatically cool for the ladies.
For the men...not so much. Unless your name is Phineas and you like jumping out of trees. I think he's the only guy I know who has pulled it off. Of course, he's not real.
:)
But I like books. Even by hated authors!
Best gift? A gift card to a great bookstore!
I loved your idea for this post! I agree on the gifts, I've been wanting a tote bag as I always end up bringing several books with me to my boyfriends, parents, etc., and those grocery bags are starting to wear thin. I need a backrest too as I have the same thought about laying in bed, have requested my aunt to buy me bookmarks - a list from an obvious true reader ;)
Funny stuff and oh so true. If only I had read this BEFORE putting together that gift bag for the writer's group!
And hey- what about the BOOK THONG?
No pictures please.
My wife got me a gift that I didn't think I would really use. We're both readers, and often read in bed, but we don't always go to sleep at the same time. So, when I need to turn in before she's done reading, I slip on a rather comfy felt eye mask. Yep, a guy wearing an eye mask. But it works nicely! I'm usually zonked out before I know it.
Now, if you feel like dropping $400 on a book lover, you might try the new Amazon Kindle. It's the book lover's iPod, you know...
Oh, and the bookish tee shirt on my wish list is the one that says "textually active." Racy!
I have two words.
Gift Certificate.
LOL.
The Librarian Action figure? I TOTALLY want to give that to my librarian friend for some laughs.
Hey,
I want the librarian action figure, it would be a lot of fun. I absolutely abhor bookmarks for some reason, I would rather use the receipts from my grocery bills than bookmarks. They are a waste of paper.
I do like book clips, book flags, or page points however, they don't slip in and disappear like bookmarks. They also are less likely to fall off a book. Folding magnetic bookmarks are also better than regular bookmarks.
I just had to see if the librarian action figure was for real and it was! I love it! The trading card was a nice touch!
No one uses this laptop except me, but I'm going to be very forthright and simply email the link to this post to my husband. AFTER I leave you a comment saying what I like best, of course, in case he reads the comments. I love that back rest! I thought I was so clever getting a bookcase headboard. Then I could have books right in my bed with me, piles of them! The only problem is, the shelves are so big that if I prop pillows against it, they just sink into the shelves. So there has been no sitting-up-in-bed reading for me since we got this headboard, and that is a sad thing.
That book food thing is sort of scary, because you could give that to someone and they could put it on their bookshelf and forget about it. And the food could rot and start to smell, and they'd never know why their books smelled so bad.
Oh my. You almost got me in trouble - here I am taking an *ahem* quick break from working, I amble on over here and before I know it I'm trying to cover up my snorts of laughter because what could I possibly be working on that's so damn funny?
I'm glad I'm not the only one who said WTF at the idea of a librarian action figure ...
When people find out you like books, it's kind of like when they find out you have cats. "Oh, you like books/cats? Then you must love acquiring all sorts of crapola that has books/cats worked in somehow." Um, no.
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