Back from the dead.

SO, life, in all its wonders has intervened since my last post many eons ago.

Life + stress + work = no time for blogging -- which figures, because I totally killed the RIP challenge. Of course I would be too busy to gloat recap the first time I've ever successfully completed a challenge.


SIGH.


So, anyway, here's a bunch of stuff I've read lately in order of awesomeness:


Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon

• SASSENACH! GAH JAMIE I LURVEEEE YOU. Why are you so hot and yet so fictional? WHY OH WHY are there no magical rocks that can buzz me backwards in time?? (Also, why do they not smell? Because the entire time, I just kept thinking that everyone must stink to high heaven.) Anyway, they gave this shit away for free on Amazon. HELLO, THIS BOOK IS WORTH ITS WEIGHT IN GOLD. How dare Amazon give this gem away for free? Anyway, completely insane and completely awesome. I immediately finished it and downloaded the second book in the series. Jamie Fraser 4eva!!1

The Gates, by John Connolly

• Short, lovely little tale about the gates of Hell opening up in someone's basement. And, there's Nurd, who's actually a lovely little demon. Charming and fun.

Dark Harvest, by Norman Partridge

• This one was nice, fast, and spooky. Oh, and it qualified for RIP, for what that's worth. Some pumpkin kid comes to life and the town's teens have to destroy him before Bad Things happen. Note: It was much better than I'm making it sound.

Neverland, by Douglas Clegg

• This one was atmospheric, Southern Gothicky, and a little disturbing. Isolated children get up to no good and they may or may not be making sacrifices to the devil. And then Bad Things happen. Also, RIP. This one was pretty good, although it didn't ruffle my muffin or anything.

Dead City, by Joe McKinney

• Apparently this one's about zombies, although I needed google to remind me about that. Still, it was a good story and got me through more than a few goes on the treadmill. Also, not a total bummer of an ending. And, RIP.

33 A.D., by David McAfee

• This one involves vampires and Jesus. Apparently vampires were the ones responsible for the crucifixion of Christ. Who knew? Actually not as bad as this sounds, although there's a reason it's at the bottom of this list. But still, vampires + Jesus, so take from that what you will. And, RIP.

Finally, I'm also reading like a dozen other things that I've stopped about halfway though because Gabaldon and her web of fantasy have rendered me impossible to read like a normal adult. And, that life thing again.

Hopefully normal posting will resume soon.

Bad things hide in the dark*

Crescent
Phil Rossi

UGHHHHH. I'm SO behind on reviews. Damn you, real job. Ergo, I'm gonna let Amazon do the work today:

Darkness has inspired fear since mankind first watched the sun go down. Bad things hide in the dark, feral beasts with mouths full of razors waiting for a taste of flesh. But now, the darkness is stirring with a life of its own. Crescent Station is the last bastion of civilization, floating in the cold, outer systems where colonized space gives way to the sparser settlements of the Frontier. Like the boom towns of distant Earth's Old American West, Crescent Station is a gateway to power, wealth, and opportunity for anyone who isn't afraid to get his or her hands dirty. But deep within the station's bowels, in Crescent's darkest and most secret places, an ancient evil is awakening and hungry, and it threatens the very fabric of space and time. Will the residents of Crescent Station find a way to stop it before the terror drives them insane? Or is it already too late?

Erm. Well.

Long story short: I downloaded this one for my Kindle. It was either free or only a dollar or two, so it was worth it. Not the best book I ever read, but it kept me entertained while I was on my treadmill. The Big Bad in Crescent was a bit confusing, though, since I was never entirely sure what the ef it was, but it didn't really matter.

In a nutshell: Entertaining enough. And space! The final frontier, and all that.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: personal Kindle copy



*Ugh, I suck so bad, I couldn't even come up with a better title. My brain = barf.

Insert "Release the Kraken" joke here

Kraken
China Mieville

Dude.

Sometimes, when you finish a book like Kraken, that's all you can say.

Dude.

I've waited a bit to write this review in an effort to allow the effects of the novel to settle a bit. Still, "Dude" is all I can manage even now, days later.

Kraken was my first encounter with Mieville, despite The City and the City being on my TBR list for an eternity now. I had expected his work to be intelligent, weird, maybe even a little difficult to plow through, but I underestimated what was in store for me. Simply put, Kraken is awe-inspiring.

Although a simple summary is near impossible, let's see what I can manage: the novel begins as Billy Harrow leads a tour through the Darwin Center only to find the centerpiece of its exhibit, an eight-meter-long giant squid, has disappeared -- tank and all. Investigators are baffled.

Billy soon finds himself thrown into a world he never knew existed: one full of thugs, sorcerers, Londonmancers, strange cults (like the Krakenists who worship the giant squid, obviously), and more. It isn't long before Billy discovers the missing Kraken will bring about the apocalypse. Oh noes!

my bad

This fast-paced, labyrinthine novel will make you work (it's 500 pages and feels like it), but it's worth it. The large cast of characters might be unnecessary but I was so entertained and fascinated by them that I didn't care. (C'mon -- Tattoo? Hysterical. Goss and Subby? Mesmerizing. Wati? Genius.)

Besides, watching each group duke it out over a giant squid is ANYTHING but boring. And what will happen when the squid is found? Can the end of the world be avoided? Or will it all go up in flames? You'll want to find out -- and the answer will be anything but predictable.

In a nutshell: Awesome, awesome, awesome. Kraken grips readers from the onset and tears right through to the end. Once it gets its tentacles around you, escape is impossible.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal, hardcover copy over here. woot woot

Why doesn't the Gingerbread Man wear shorts?

The Fourth Bear
Jasper Fforde

You may have noticed a lack of posts lately (actually, you probably haven't, but let's pretend) -- and this is a good thing. No posts = kicking ass in my resolution. It's been trying, especially when some books just suck.

Which brings me to The Fourth Bear. I wanted to like it: everyone else seems to. Fforde's got a good enough idea going, treating fairytale characters as though they are real, but the jokes and gags that follow all seem like too much effort for not enough of a return.

First, a recap: The Fourth Bear begins as Goldilocks, an investigative reporter, questions a local cucumber grower. Soon, the grower is dead and Goldilocks is missing. Jack Spratt of the Nursery Crime Division investigates her whereabouts, and he soon finds -- wait for it -- the three bears. These honest bears, however, know nothing about Goldilocks present location, leading Spratt to believe in the presence of a fourth bear. Meanwhile, the notorious Gingerbread Man is running amok, leaving innocent victims in his wake. If only Spratt can solve the crime in time...

Sure, he looks cute. . .
but wait until he rips off your arms

Unfortunately, for Spratt and his cronies, I was rooting for the Gingerbread Man, who was the most interesting character in the book -- Fforde should have let the Man do as he pleased. I really didn't care whether Spratt ever found Goldilocks and solved the cucumber mystery (which became way too complicated for my blood). The running jokes involving fairytale characters in real-life setting were cute at first, but the humor faded quickly. I had to force myself to finish, and, had this not been the only book available during an interminable transatlantic flight, I probably wouldn't have finished at all.

In a nutshell: Cute and quirky at first...but the cute and quirky wore off quickly. Fforde's novels are immensely successful, though, so you might not want to take my word for it.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

Oh, and if you want the answer to the question posed in the title of this post, it's because he has crummy legs. Get it? GET IT? That's so funny right? Just like this book.

Nothing which comes stays, and nothing which goes is lost

The Book of Lost Things
John Connolly

Twelve-year-old David's had a rough time of it recently. Having recently lost his mother, he was none too pleased when his father began seeing another woman. When they married, producing Georgie, his half-brother, David had enough. It is no surprise, then, that he takes such solace from books. When his new family becomes more than he can bear, however, his fairy tales come alive in a way they never had before.

Suddenly, David finds himself in a world similar to -- but entirely different from -- his own. Packs of man-wolves, called Loups, hunt him from the moment he steps foot into this alien territory. This world is decaying, food is scarce, and David cannot find the way back home. After encountering a helpful Woodsman, he sets out to find the king of this land, whose Book of Lost Things might give him the help he so desperately needs.

And so, David sets out on his quest, encountering along the way both friends and foes. He faces great perils and learns to overcome them and his fears. Always present are the fairy tales David so loves, although he encounters them a bit differently in this world than they were presented in his. As David makes his way toward the castle, encountering both horrific beasts and unimaginable dangers, there is a greater danger still that lies in wait: the Crooked Man. The most dangerous of all his foes, the Crooked Man wants something from David, something David might only be all too eager to give.

The Book of Lost Things is a fast-paced, imaginative story that twists conventional fairy tales; the effect is new, yet familiar. Meanwhile, David must learn to navigate illusion and reality while conquering his hatred, fear, and despair. It won't be an easy task, but that David is capable of it is never in doubt.

David is a wonderful character, and Connolly's creation of him is true. I came to care deeply for him, and the perfect ending hit exactly the right note, sending Lost Things from just a "good" story to a deeply moving one. While at times I felt the plot dragged, once entrenched, I couldn't put it down. I've heard Lost Things billed as a young-adult novel, but it didn't feel that way to me.

In a nutshell: A slightly-dark story with an uplifting ending that makes things better. I'm ready for Nocturnes!

Bibliolatry Scale: 4.5 out of 6 stars

My first, my last, my only Gaiman

Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders
Neil Gaiman.

At heart, I'm a follower. Although I profess to be a true individual who chooses the road not taken and all that, such posturing is often a front. Well I know there is comfort in conformity.

Such were my thoughts when I purchased my first-ever Neil Gaiman book, Fragile Things.

For the record, I want to like Neil Gaiman. Everyone else seems to. Everywhere I turn, yet another person is singing Gaiman's praises. With nary a naysayer to be found, I [naively] assumed Gaiman was for me, too. I mean, shit -- Gaiman and Tori Amos (one of my favorite musicians) share an affinity for one another. That must count for something, I reasoned.

And so I purchased Fragile Things with all the optimism of a child at Christmas -- and it's not surprising I would feel that way: Fragile Things is billed as a collection of "short fictions and wonders," so I felt I was in for an amazing ride. I mean, a collections of wonders?!? Count me in. I'm always up for a little wondering.

In reality, Fragile Things seems more like a collection of all the crap that Gaiman either couldnt a) develop fully; b) turn into a novel; or c) couldn't peddle anywhere else. And while I know this isn't literally true, as many of these stories were previously published elsewhere or have won awards, I can't shake the feeling that Fragile Things is a bunch of unfinished odds and ends that didn't fit anywhere else.

The poems? Kinda silly. The stories? Somewhat interesting, at best; at worst, almost astounding in their crudeness. The majority felt as though Gaiman had grown tired of them quickly, sending them off to the publisher to avoid looking at them any longer. If that's the case, perhaps Gaiman is as tired of Gaiman as I am.

Hmm. We might be kindred spirits, after all.

Gaiman fans might argue that this was not the best introduction to the author. While I'm sure that's true, I don't see myself trying again any time soon.

In a nutshell: Why all the fuss? I don't get it.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars