Back from the dead.

SO, life, in all its wonders has intervened since my last post many eons ago.

Life + stress + work = no time for blogging -- which figures, because I totally killed the RIP challenge. Of course I would be too busy to gloat recap the first time I've ever successfully completed a challenge.


SIGH.


So, anyway, here's a bunch of stuff I've read lately in order of awesomeness:


Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon

• SASSENACH! GAH JAMIE I LURVEEEE YOU. Why are you so hot and yet so fictional? WHY OH WHY are there no magical rocks that can buzz me backwards in time?? (Also, why do they not smell? Because the entire time, I just kept thinking that everyone must stink to high heaven.) Anyway, they gave this shit away for free on Amazon. HELLO, THIS BOOK IS WORTH ITS WEIGHT IN GOLD. How dare Amazon give this gem away for free? Anyway, completely insane and completely awesome. I immediately finished it and downloaded the second book in the series. Jamie Fraser 4eva!!1

The Gates, by John Connolly

• Short, lovely little tale about the gates of Hell opening up in someone's basement. And, there's Nurd, who's actually a lovely little demon. Charming and fun.

Dark Harvest, by Norman Partridge

• This one was nice, fast, and spooky. Oh, and it qualified for RIP, for what that's worth. Some pumpkin kid comes to life and the town's teens have to destroy him before Bad Things happen. Note: It was much better than I'm making it sound.

Neverland, by Douglas Clegg

• This one was atmospheric, Southern Gothicky, and a little disturbing. Isolated children get up to no good and they may or may not be making sacrifices to the devil. And then Bad Things happen. Also, RIP. This one was pretty good, although it didn't ruffle my muffin or anything.

Dead City, by Joe McKinney

• Apparently this one's about zombies, although I needed google to remind me about that. Still, it was a good story and got me through more than a few goes on the treadmill. Also, not a total bummer of an ending. And, RIP.

33 A.D., by David McAfee

• This one involves vampires and Jesus. Apparently vampires were the ones responsible for the crucifixion of Christ. Who knew? Actually not as bad as this sounds, although there's a reason it's at the bottom of this list. But still, vampires + Jesus, so take from that what you will. And, RIP.

Finally, I'm also reading like a dozen other things that I've stopped about halfway though because Gabaldon and her web of fantasy have rendered me impossible to read like a normal adult. And, that life thing again.

Hopefully normal posting will resume soon.

More bore than gore

Patient Zero
Jonathan Maberry

So, the terrorists are coming, and they've got biological weapons!! What, you've heard this one before?

Ok, then how about: the terrorists are coming, and they've got biological weapons that turn people into flesh-eating zombies. dum dum DUM!!!

So goes the plot of Jonathan Maberry's Patient Zero. Baltimore detective Joe Ledger has just found himself smack in the middle of a terror plot of epic proportions. A group of religious zealots has created Seif al Din, the sword of the faithful, a disease that will wreak havoc on the heathen West. Fast foward a bit, and yadda yadda yadda battle to save humanity blah blah blah zombies.

Yeah, this is a book about zombies, so one should expect a certain level of grit and violence. So far, so good. The action was gritty, the violence was high, and the zombies were hungry. Still, some things annoyed me. The religious zealots, for example. I mean, really? A zombie plague? You sure that won't come back to bite you in the ass? Ok, fine, logical reasoning might not be a fundamentalist's strong point.

But fundamentalist logic aside, those pesky flaws remain. Some parts needed editing and dragged on a bit when they were supposed to be suspenseful. Some aspects were a bit too unbelievable (in a zombie book, I know -- ironic), and some cliches could have been dispensed with. Finally, a few characters were so flat and two-dimensional I couldn't tell them apart. Sigh.

In a nutshell: More cop than zombie. More bore than gore. Oh well.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Checked out this bad boy from the library. Have I cured my shopping addiction, you wonder? Ah, no.

RIPV: Even though Patient Zero didn't make me poop in my pants, it still counts toward this year's RIP challenge.

to the Winchester!

The Forest of Hands and Teeth
Carrie Ryan

This review's gonna be a fast read -- just like this book.

Ok so Mary lives in a village surrounded by the Unconsecrated (aka brain-eating zombies) and soon her (gulp) marriage will be upon her (it's all their good duty to have lots of un-unconsecrated babies) and meanwhile all she can do is wonder was the ocean is like and will she ever see it.

[Pssst. Hey, Mar. The ocean? Full of sand. (Said sand gets all up in your pants. Literally.) And there's sun. (If you're like me, said sun will burn you to a crisp.) And there's jellyfish. (Which are just gross.) Plus you'll have zombies. So, the ocean? Get over it.]

Anyway, the book:

GOOD: Zombies! Angst! Zombies! BRRRAAAINNSS

BAD: Protag was a bit too angsty. You're living in the zombie apocalypse: stop whining about your crush, already. Also, there were a few loose ends that weren't tied up, although they might better be resolved in the second novel, The Dead-Tossed Waves.

BEST: A fast-paced, gripping read read that was perfect for my treadmill. (I read the Kindle version, obvi.)

In a nutshell: Taut and entertaining, TFoHaT takes a look at those who fight to survive under what might be the most disturbing of circumstances.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I got the Kindle version for this, thankyouverymuch!



PS: The title to this post comes from my favorite zombie flick and not this novel. (Although, to be fair, going to the Winchester and having a nice cold pint sounds better than visiting a zombified ocean.)

Dear Ms. Langan: Write more NOW, please

The Missing
Sarah Langan

I don't know how I heard about The Missing, but if you're the one who mentioned the awesomeness that is this novel, then I owe you a debt of gratitude. Finally, a zombie novel that isn't cliched or melodramatic, that treats the subject matter seriously, and that...wait for it...is well written.

GASP.

Sarah Langan has pulled it off, and The Missing didn't leave my hands until I had finished it, which didn't take very long. The novel surrounds a small Maine community affected by an environmental catastrophe. Infection spreads when a third-grade teacher decides to take her class on a field trip to the abandoned town destroyed by said catastrophe. When a child is separated from the group, he unearths a particularly dangerous substance (although "substance" isn't quite accurate here, but we'll all just have to deal with my poor word choice). The rest, as they say, is history.

(In truth, this setup is the weakest part of the novel: that a teacher would take young children to such a place -- environmental education notwithstanding -- simply doesn't make sense. I could think of another way to lose a child in these woods, but still. I don't care. I loved The Missing, so I can easily overlook this flaw.)

It isn't long before the contamination spreads to the community at large. Bad things happen; people die, and many more wish they had. As this community is ravaged by the effects of this plague, several characters offer us their perspectives on the horror. Overall, this is an intelligent novel that doesn't treat its readers as idiots looking for only a good action scene, not that I'm pointing any fingers.

In a nutshell: The Missing is well written, fast paced, and entirely engrossing. I plan on picking up everything else Sarah Langan has written.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

Weekly Geeks 16: Geek Interview

The Rising
Brian Keene

This week’s Weekly Geeks theme pairs two Geeks, who then interview one another about their latest read-but-unreviewed work.

I was paired with the lovely Florinda, who was nice enough to offer some thought-provoking questions for the horribly disappointing The Rising by Brian Keene.

Florinda's questions appear in italics; my answers follow.

The book is described as a "post-apocalyptic zombie thriller." What piqued your interest in reading it?

I always gear up for the fall and Halloween by reading what I call “spooky reads.” I’m not sure how I heard of The Rising, but zombies scare the heck out of me, so I knew I’d have to give it a go.

Please give a spoiler-free plot summary.

The dead have risen, although they’re unlike normal zombies. They walk, they talk, they think. Our main character is trying to stay alive and save his son, who is alive in another state. Along the way, he meets other survivors. Will they make it in time?

Please share a favorite passage or quote from the book.

Honestly, there wasn’t one. The writing was rather poor, and there were several cringe-worthy moments. The dialogue was stale and clichéd, especially when the "gangstas" talked. Cringe-worthy, indeed.

Could you identify a "big idea" or theme running through the book - what was it, and how is it reinforced in the storytelling?

I suppose a theme might be the importance of family and the negative effects of science (don’t worry; that wasn’t a spoiler). The storytelling was pretty simple and ultimately a letdown, so I can’t pretend that these themes were reinforced by anything other than the most obvious of methods.

Did you have a favorite character? What did you like about him/her?

Not really. There was a deaf boy, Worm, who was endearing, but I generally found the characters to be little more than flat, shallow stereotypes.

Have you read any books by this author before? Do you think you would read any more? Why/why not?

No, and I don’t plan to read any more by this author. The poor writing and grammar issues did it for me. In fact, I admit that I skimmed the second half. It was just getting too distressing, and I don’t mean the zombies.

I noticed that you use a 6-star rating scale for the books you review. How many stars will you give this book?

I’ll give this one 1.5 out of 6 stars, but only because of the innovative twist the author added to the zombie genre. I liked that he didn’t rehash the usual zombie story, but found a way to make it different.

I have to be honest - I don't read a lot of genre fiction, and have never been a big horror fan, so it was a challenge for me to come up with questions about this book, and I'm sure there are things that I didn't think to ask about! What do you think readers should know about this book that you haven't already answered?

Readers should know it was dissatisfying. With a better editor, the book might have fared better. As it was, The Rising came across as immature and sophomoric. What could have been an intelligent horror novel was instead a major disappointment.


In a nutshell: Great premise, poor execution

Bibliolatry Scale: 1.5 out of 6 stars

* * *

In turn, I interviewed Florinda about Jancee Dunn's Don't You Forget About Me; my questions appear in italics, and her responses follow.

Can you summarize the novel in one sentence?

You may be able to go home again, but you can't go back in time.

How would you rate the plot: predictable, or just right? Fast-paced, or slow?

The last part of the story was a bit predictable, but most of it was just right, and I enjoyed seeing how it unfolded. The pace was just about right too, considering that this is more of a character-driven than plot-oriented book.

Can any lessons be learned from reading Don't You Forget About Me?

Any lessons from the book are pretty common-sense ones:

• It can be comforting to take refuge in the past when your present life throws you an ugly curveball, but it's not healthy to try to become the person you were then - or think you were.
  
• You have to grow up eventually.
  
• Being voted "least changed" at your 20th high-school class reunion is not necessarily a good thing.

However, I would suggest that this book is better read for entertainment than enlightenment.

How would you describe the main characters? Overall, were they likable and/or sympathetic, or were they difficult to relate to? Which character could you relate to the most, and why?

Lillian, the first-person narrator, is by far the most developed character in the book, and in many ways that's appropriate; it's her story, after all. I liked her a lot - she was very real. She had her quirks and flaws, and in some areas she was still falling prey to her adolescent insecurities; and unfortunately, I could relate to that all too well. I found her mostly endearing, and sometimes irritating. She was rather lacking in self-awareness, and seemed to interact more with the people in her life as she perceived them - sometimes based on long-outdated images - rather than with who they really were; I think that's part of why many of the other characters didn't seem as dimensional to me. However, even the less likable characters came across as decent, everyday people, and that portrayal is one of Dunn's strengths as a writer.

I could also relate to Lillian's circumstances, particularly early in the story - finding herself somewhat adrift in her late 30s, after the unexpected end of a long relationship, and seeking comfort in the old and familiar. I have, unfortunately, been there myself. However, I've never been eager to attend one of my high-school reunions; I think I've missed four of them so far (10th, 15th, 20th, 25th).

Don't You Forget About Me is partially set in NYC. Would you say this is a "New York City novel"? (That is, is the city a major character?) How integral is the setting to the storyline?

The setting actually is pretty important to the story, but this is not a "New York City" novel; it's a "New Jersey suburbs" novel, mostly. Most of the action takes place during Lillian's sabbatical at her parents' house during the time period surrounding her reunion, and she's truly happy to be back in the 'burbs - running at the school track, visiting the mall, speeding down the Turnpike to the Shore. I was particularly amused when she extolled the virtues of suburban CVS drugstores compared to their city cousins.

The novel is described as being "steeped in '80s-era references." Did you find these references to be overdone and distracting, or just right? What was your favorite 80s reference, and why?

I'm a couple of years older than the author, and Lillian is a few years younger yet, but I pretty much came of age in the '80's, and I enjoyed those touches. They easily could have been overdone and taken into "camp" territory, but I feel that Dunn employed them pretty well. My favorite '80's-reference scene involved Lillian driving around in her dad's car, playing an old Rick Springfield tape and remembering watching General Hospital after school, back when he was on the show (the first time - he's back now, I've heard). That was a been-there, done-that moment.

How would you describe the author's writing style? Overall, is the prose easy to read, or difficult? Can you provide a sentence or two to highlight her style?

Dunn's writing experience is in journalism and nonfiction, and her first novel is written in a fairly straightforward style in keeping with that background. She writes with heart and humor, and she's good with dialogue.

From page 58, a passage that illustrates one reason I could identify well with Lillian:

Why was it, I wondered, that when you loved a song, the feelings it evoked were so profoundly personal? Pop music always reached me in such a specific, hidden place, and my reaction to certain songs was so unthinking, so visceral, that it was almost sexual. Linear thoughts vanished completely, replaced by images and moods that I could never rationally discuss even with close friends.

Finally, what would you rate this novel, and why? Would you read more by this author?

Rating: 3.75/5 (objectively, but because I find Jancee Dunn and her writing just so likable, I would give it a subjective 4/5). When I read But Enough About Me earlier this year, I said: "There are some books that make you feel like you're just hanging out with the writer - laughing, sharing stories, spending an enjoyable afternoon...Dunn is an engaging storyteller." I would definitely hang out with her again, and look forward to reading whatever she does next.

* * *

Thanks, Florinda!!

As the weekend looms, some bookish links

There's a lot going on this week, so spend your Friday doing some Internet surfing, instead of, you know, something productive.

First up, Slate explains the business of selling "blind" books and why Shakespeare is the world's worst stolen treasure.

Now on to The Millions, who has directed me to two particularly interesting articles this week. First, we have the 50 outstanding literary translations from the last 50 years as well as compiled lists of summer reading.

Now this is just cool. As soon as I read about this cool weapon I couldn't help but think of Ian McDonald's Brasyl, which passed in a whirlwind of atom blades and multiverses. Even more mind-blowing, however, is the video you'll find if you click the link -- it's truly mind-blowing. No lie: I watched it like three times.

Speaking of science fiction, lookee what I just bought! It will be a nice to add to this and this, but I'm not sure if I can come up with more dick jokes.

And finally, since we're on the subject of shopping, somebody needs to buy me this, which I found thanks to Pajiba. It's only 90 bucks. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Linky-doo

In lieu of the half dozen or so reviews I don't feel like writing as this holiday weekend approaches, please enjoy the following.

BookFox ponders the nature of the short story.

Speaking of stories...ahh, censorship.

Moving from published stories to writing of a more...personal nature, we have this lovely exchange between two roommates. I too love mocking the anger of others using my exceptional editing skills.

And finally, I can say unequivocally that this video. is. THE SHIT. Warning: zombies ahead. Beware claymation gore. (Via FARK)

Fight or Flight: How will YOU face the end?

World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War
Max Brooks

Well, now, I'm just facing a whole bunch of fears lately, eh? (True, I'm doing so in bookish form, but I'd say that's just as good.) Not only have I forced myself to read about cockroaches, I’m continuing to stare down another big fear: zombies. My fear of the impending zombie apocalypse has been well documented, so I won't say anymore about it. Of course, unlike my fear of cockroaches (which causes me to run from anything that even remotely resembles one, like a caterpillar), my fear of zombies is the opposite: I don't run from zombies, I embrace them.

Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking: you can't embrace zombies; they don't exist. You aren't really making a giant leap here. To that I say: zombies simply aren't real right now. Just you wait.

So as part of love/hate of all that is zombie-ish, I'm always searching for anything zombie-related. Enter World War Z. I was a bit wary of reading something else by Max Brooks after unsuccessfully reading his previous work, The Zombie Survival Guide, a tongue-in-cheek explanation of how to survive the impending zombie apocalypse. Reading World War Z has reconciled me to The Zombie Survival Guide, which I now see in a different light (although I maintain The Zombie Survival Guide would be better as an appendix to World War Z).

Fight or flight, you say?
I'm running like a little bitch

Although I am usually a snarky devil, I have to say I enjoyed World War Z, and I was a little saddened to see that it received so many negative reviews. (While, ironically enough, The Zombie Survival Guide was lauded, something I just can't wrap my brain around.) So as I provide an overview to the book, I'll also try to knock down some of the charges levied against World War Z.

World War Z is billed as an oral history of the zombie war, so it's all told after the war has ended. Many critics have complained that this creates a lack of suspense -- but, people, we're talking about ZOMBIES here!! Does it really matter if we've won a war against them when it's all said and done? I argue that one's fear of zombies comes not from becoming one of them but rather from not becoming one of them. The zombies themselves lack the mental capacity to realize their lot; those fighting against them are all too aware of what they stand against.

Furthermore, as various personages (military strategists, smugglers, officials, random survivors -- you name it) relate the tale, they each return us to a particular moment in the war: for some, it's the initial appearances of the plague, which appears in isolated regions; later, during what is called "The Great Panic," large outbreaks occur. As the survivors relate the details of the moment, we forget that this is aftermath; we are, quite simply, in the moment, and so the complaint that there is no suspense is a little absurd.

Another critique is the lack of individual voice to distinguish one narrator from another. To be fair, there is something to this criticism, but I have to be honest and say that it didn't bother me while I was reading it. Another criticism is the unbelievability of some details, like, for example, the fact that certain military weapons don't work at all on zombies. (To that I say: um, zombies aren't real, so how do we know what would work on them? To say that a shrapnel bomb would most definitely take a zombie down and Brooks is an asshole for having zombies survive such an attack is more than a little pedantic, in my humble opinion.)

More cogent of a criticism is the fact that certain details contradict themselves (like, for example, how one narrator explains that zombies naturally decompose or starve or some such after a period of time, while another explains that if several zombies were locked up, they would emerge just as deadly in a few years). This is a valid criticism, but, to a person who enjoys zombie lit, one that is easily overlooked. (And, as reader Jeff so astutely points out, it's an oral history, so some contradiction among varying points of view is to be expected.)

Overall, I enjoyed World War Z. There were a few areas I admit to skimming (especially those concerning reconstruction after the end of the war), but it maintained my interest and it provided the zombie fix I was looking for.

In a nutshell: Engrossing and detailed, World War Z may not always be the most logically sound, but that's forgivable given the subject matter.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

Possibly outrageous but definitely boring

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead
Max Brooks

I like books, right? And everyone knows how I just luurve zombies. So if you add the two together, I’ll like the result, right?

Right?

Quite simply, I didn’t “get” this book. It’s labeled as humor; Publishers Weekly calls it an “outrageous parody of a survival guide.” Well it is a parody, but outrageous? I suppose I could see that one, if I had to, but this book isn’t funny, unless you count the existence of zombies as a joke, which I most assuredly do NOT.

If you do count the existence of zombies as a joke, then I suppose this book is funny. Otherwise, you’re out of luck, since you won’t find any other joke within these pages. This book has also been described as “exhaustively comprehensive,” and it is. If there were to be a zombie attack, you’ll need this guide. But therein lies the problem: you'll never need it. Why does a "joke guide" for a totally impossible situation take itself so seriously? Where's the fun? The joke?

Seriously, there are no jokes. Instead, there are almost 200 pages dedicated to manifold scenarios; weapons are outlined and the pros and cons of each are discussed. In detail. So are possible escape methods (a dirt bike is surprisingly preferable to the car). But again, these things are described in detail. Serious detail. Serious as in not funny. As in this shit might actually happen. A bigger problem is that Brooks manages to make what should be an exciting topic dull and boring. That’s a pretty big deal.

I could go on, but I’m getting bored just writing this review. Yikes.

In a nutshell: meh

Bibliolatry Scale: 1 out of 6 stars

Your weekly dose of stuff that I find interesting

Do you like to read? Well, this man's booklove cost him his home. This is BULLSHIT. I'm going to organize a sit-in. Oh wait, I don't really care that much.


But while he was busy fighting to keep his books, this guy is getting rid of some of his. The grass is always greener... (Small warning: this article contains the phrase "book apocalypse," which gave me a small bout of the vapors, so watch out.)


Speaking of professors getting rid of books, it's about time someone called shenanigans on these creeps.


While some people are getting rid of books, many people may stop getting magazines, since prices are set to rise. As a result, we are losing a HIGHLY respected publication. A moment of silence, please.


I think we all know I'm responsible for this. I am eagerly awaiting my complementary fruit basket. I'm partial to flowers too, Jeff. Any kind will do.


I'm sorry -- I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you say zombies? Zombies from Pakistan? MIDGET zombies from Pakistan?? And all I have to do is click here?? AND there's a video to boot?? YES.

MY WORST FEARS HAVE BEEN REALIZED

So, here I am, sipping a nice cuppa tea and reading some blogs. I head over to Imani's blog, where I see she's taken a quiz to determine her blog's rating.

(In case you were wondering -- and I know you were -- Bibliolatry is also rated "R" for words like "shit," "ass," and "suck." What happened to the f-bomb I dropped a few days ago? That's not worth a mention?)

Anyway, after I took that quiz, I noticed I could take another to determine my likelihood of surviving a zombie apocalypse. My overwhelming fear of zombies is something I've discussed before, so you know I was all over this shit as soon as I saw it.

TO MY UTTER SADNESS AND CHAGRIN, HOWEVER:

51%

So training begins tomorrow. I think I'll start with nunchucks. It just seems like a good idea.

hardy har har

However, in an effort to end on a postive note, if I make it past the zombies,

$4625.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth

Great.

Read this book: The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

The Road
Cormac McCarthy

I can say with almost 100% certainty that nothing scares me more than

1. the living dead
2. surviving the apocalypse

So I think it goes without saying that The Road scared the hell out of me. Of course, this technically isn’t a novel about zombies, but I think anyone who reads it can agree that McCarthy is writing about both of my biggest fears.

slow, but so persistent

What can I say about The Road that hasn’t already been said? Quite simply, it’s amazing. Utterly breathtaking, painfully bleak, The Road needs to be read. Unlike Blood Meridian (which I’m still toiling through) The Road is absolutely readable and impossible to put down, and I finished it in a few hours.

If you haven’t yet heard about this book (which would be quite a feat, with all the press its received in the past year), I’ll briefly recap the plot: an unnamed father and son travel south after some tragedy (never fully explained, but most likely nuclear in origin) has destroyed America, maybe even the entire world. There are, of course, survivors, and that is where the real fear comes in: the lucky ones died in the attack.

And yet, despite the hopeless landscape, The Road remains a hopeful novel. There will always be love, always something to fight for, even when there is nothing left at all.

In a nutshell: Yet another reminder (see Earth Abides, I am Legend) to kill myself if I happen to survive the coming apocalypse. Doing so is, of course, the very thing McCarthy argues against. Whatever. Better than being a legless captive slowly eaten by cannibals. Oh, the horror.

Bibliolatry Scale: 6 out of 6 stars