With the holiday season here, you might be wondering what to get the book lover in your life. Of course, if you’re reading this site, chances are good that
you are the book lover in your life. If that’s the case, simply walk away from the computer after conveniently “forgetting” to close this window. The next person to use the computer will know just want to get you. Problem solved.
If you are looking for that perfect gift for a book lover, look no further. I present to you several fabulous gift ideas for anyone who loves a good book. I’ve even been so kind as to tell you which bookish gifts to avoid. Cheers.
First off, under no circumstances are you to purchase a book for your book lover. And yes, I DID make the accompanying graphic in MS Paint. Why, thank you, my computer skills *are* amazing, aren't they? Oh, please, stop. You're making me blush.
Anyway, although a book might seem like the obvious choice, you are actually walking blindly into the biggest trap of them all. You can never underestimate the voracity of a book lover, and you might very well end up purchasing a book that’s already been read. Or, worse: you might purchase a book by her most-hated author.
Either way, chances are good that you’ll only be forcing your poor book lover to slather on a fake smile and ooze warm wishes of thanks for your thoughtfulness. As if it’s the thought that counts. The only people who truly
believe that are the ones who didn’t get stuck with a shitty book. I’m just saying.
(By the way, the ONLY exception to this rule is, obviously enough, if you have been directly instructed to buy a specific book for your book lover. In that case, buy away.)
If, however, you are not lucky enough to be explicitly told which books your book lover would like, then follow these suggestions for some smooth holiday giving. Of course, you could always wuss out and buy a gift certificate to a bookstore, but that's like saying, "I didn't know what to get a crazy book lover like you, you difficult shit!" And considering it's the holidays, it's best not to be insulting.
Without further ado, I bring you the good, the bad, and the ugly in bookish gifts.
THE GOOD
THE BOOKMARK. Look. Allow me to be blunt for a second, ok? It’s nearly impossible to fuck up a bookmark. Even a pill-popping starlet with the mental capacity of my left ass cheek would be able to pull this one off. Bookmarks are always needed and easily misplaced; therefore, having a lot of them is a must. Like shoes, just one won’t cut it. So go ahead and choose one or a dozen for your book-loving friend. I myself am partial to
this one.
THE BOOK BAG. Here’s another fairly easy one. Book lovers rarely read one book at a time, so a book tote will always come in handy. Plus, you’ll score extra points if your book lover’s a woman, cause then it’s kinda like a purse, and what woman wouldn’t like another purse, especially if you can put books in it? Yeah yeah, girl power and all that. I’ve linked to a few good ones
here,
here, and
here.
THE BOOKISH T-SHIRT. I debated over where to include this gift; bookish clothing automatically equals bad in my book. There are dozens of bookish t-shirts out there, and many of them are downright lame. However, I do kinda fancy
this shirt. So, if you are able to locate a cool book shirt, then fine. Otherwise, stay away.
THE BACK REST. If your book lover's like me, then reading in bed is a favorite pastime. Unfortunately, if you don't keep a mountain of pillows on the bed, neck and back pain quickly follow. The solution? A nice little back rest.
This one has a lot of bells and whistles, although less-expensive alternatives can be found with minimal searching.
THE BADTHE MEAN GIFT.
This one is actually kinda funny. You think you’re getting books, but – gotcha! It’s food. Sucker.
THE BOOKISH ACTION FIGURE.
A librarian action figure?? For real? As in not a joke? Hm. I see this just collecting dust. Better to dance across a minefield than go this route.
THE UGLYBOOK CLOTHING. Look, books are for reading. The only possibly acceptable form of wearable books comes in the form of jewelry. But even that's pushing it. In general, follow this rule: books + clothing = ugly. See? Shouldn't be too difficult to remember.
THE BOOK SCARF. This sneaky form of book clothing is so insidious it deserves its own entry. Many think that because scarves do not equal clothes that it is okay to purchase a book scarf as a gift. NO! Although this might seem like a good idea, under no circumstances should you ever purchase such a scarf for anyone. I don’t care if your book lover is eighty years old. NO ONE IS EVER OLD ENOUGH FOR A BOOK SCARF. Book scarves are like a huge neon sign saying DEATH AHEAD. Don’t do it.
And now, shop on. Warm wishes to you all, tra la la la la and all that.
