When God gives you AIDS ... make lemonAIDS

The Bedwetter
Sarah Silverman

Here's another August read that I've simply delayed discussing sooner. I'm not sure what led me to read The Bedwetter -- I'm not the hugest fan of Silverman, but that's really due to the fact I'm in bed absurdly early and she mostly appears on late-night tv.

I guess what really made me interested in reading more about her was her video Sell the Vatican, Feed the World. Funny, yes, but not entirely a bad idea, either.

Anyway, long story short - picked this little gem up from the library. The Bedwetter was at times laugh-out-loud hysterical (the story about her brother alone makes it worthwhile) and at others insightful and thoughtful. Reading about her experiences as a bedwetter and later as an SNL writer made for a quick, fun read.

In a nutshell: If you are ultra-PC, you might want to skip this one. Otherwise, it's nearly impossible not to laugh at The Bedwetter, even if you're not familiar with her work.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Libraryed this one. That's like the third library book this year! Awww yeah, kicking it old school.

A guide to navigation in perilous times

The Time Traveler's Guide to Medieval England
Ian Mortimer

I don't read a lot of nonfiction, and when I do, it's almost never history. Still, Jen's review of The Time Traveler's Guide to Medieval England forced me to run out and grab this book immediately.

The tone is so conversational, the material so fascinating, that I blew through the book in a day or two. True, I skimmed some parts, but I was pleased overall. Mortimer takes us through Medieval England as though -- you might have guessed by the title -- we were a time traveler having landed in medieval England.

Mortimer very throughly covers the landscape, people, medieval character, basic essentials (such as dates, units of measurement, and manners and politeness), clothing, traveling, where to stay (an inn? what about a monastery?), food and drink, health and hygiene (now there's an eye-opening chapter!), the law, and what to do (which provides not only a discussion of the activities the medieval people enjoyed, but also gives an overview of the literary landscape).

At right: a leper ringing his bell -- stay away!

I began by thinking that this book would be an excellent resource for my classroom; little did I expect it to be such a page-turner. If you're even a little interested in medieval England, you'd do well to check out this very thorough guide. (In fact, despite a few slow parts, this book is nearly perfect.)

In a nutshell: Conversational, fascinating, and thorough, Mortimer's Guide is a must for teachers, students, and readers alike.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Yet another book I purchased for myself. Get off my back, feds!

Monsters, they are everywhere

The Monster of Florence
Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi

In this in-depth look at the Monster of Florence, the serial killer plaguing the area since the early 70s, thriller writer Douglas Preston has paired up with Italian reporter Mario Spezi to detail the specifics of the case and highlight whom they believe is the guilty party.

The Monster of Florence began shooting pairs of lovers in parked cars. He didn't stop there, though: the women (of course) were horribly mutilated, and pieces of them were removed -- and never found. Who could commit such a crime? Ten years later, and the killer is still at large, striking fear into the heart of everyone in the area.

Fast-forward a bit, and Douglas Preston arrives in the area to research a new novel. He'll never write this novel, discovering instead the Monster of Florence and his fascination with the case. He begins to research the crime, along with pal Mario Spezi, and the result is this book. Their investigation leads to a number of the investigations inadequacies and mistakes, so it's no surprise when they fall under the suspicious eye of the police. (Preston is unable to return to Italy to this day.)

At right: Douglas Preston

The Monster of Florence is as much about Florence as it is about the Monster. Preston and Spezi explain the underlying ideologies of the city's inhabitants, especially the need to save face and the compulsion to find conspiracy everywhere. Such a mindset, coupled with a particularly wily criminal, have allowed the Monster to escape prosecution.

My biggest complaint is the lack of pictures. A few pages of glossy pictures appear toward the end of the book, and yet not everyone central to the case is pictured. Some people mentioned only once or twice are pictured while others not at all. That's a small beef, though, and anyone interested in the case will be pleased with this effort.

In a nutshell: Mostly fast-paced and entirely true, The Monster of Florence is an intriguing look at some very recent -- and disturbing -- events.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Yet another Christmas present; no publisher ties here.

There isn't enough Purell in the world

The Hot Zone
Richard Preston

The Hot Zone is a book I read in November. Thankfully, after this, I'll be all caught up and will be able to cover some December reads. NICE.

I don't know why, but I've been reading a lot of disturbing books lately, mostly one that involves end-of-the-world scenarios. And while The Hot Zone doesn't necessarily concern the end of the world, it was apocalyptic enough for me.

The Hot Zone is all about EBOLA. In fact, that's how I imagine the word in my head: all in caps. It's just that intense. Lord knows I'm paranoid enough about such things, so I can only wonder what possessed me to read this book. (Actually, I do know. It was Heather's review of it. Gee, thanks, Heather.) Needless to say, if EBOLA ever hits my area, I'm throwing myself in front of a bus at the first warning symptom. I'll be damned if I'm going to endure the grueling progression of this disease.

Wait -- what? It sloughs...off? And comes out where???
FML.

Besides the disturbing nature of the book (which the sick part of me took delight in), there were some drawbacks. I had an issue with the organization of the book, since it jumped around a bit in parts, and a few parts dragged while others were repetitive. Overall, however, The Hot Zone was a frightening, all-too-real read. And I won't even mention the part about how EBOLA arrived in Washington D.C. a little over a decade ago. FEARPARANOIAVOMIT.

In a nutshell: Not for the faint of heart, The Hot Zone is a terrifying true story that reminds why I hate leaving my house and interacting with dirty humans.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I bought this one for my library, in case I ever want to enjoy the gruesomeness again.

Take a ride on the Insane Train

Chariots of the Gods
Erich von Daniken

Every once in awhile, I've had it with reality. When this happens, I make myself a very special treat. I take a hefty dose of ground-up vicodin and a few tablespoons of some quality methamphetamine and sprinkle them all over my Lucky Charms. You might think I next add milk to this healthy concoction, but you'd be wrong. Gin is the only way to complement this tasty confection. Sweet, cheap gin. Then I turn on Intervention and laugh and laugh and laugh.

It was on one of these galactic escapades that I met Erich von Daniken. He started to tell me all kinds of crazy shit, like God is really an interstellar astronaut. Then he took a big hit on a glass bong and flew up into the heavens on his great purple wings. Now that's some good shit!

Drugs are bad, kids

Usually I chalk up such visions to an overdose, but I kept thinking of him long after the meds had worn off. That's when I found Chariots of the Gods. It wasn't a dream after all!

Using points from the Bible and other religious scriptures, von Daniken theorizes that, long ago, interstellar astronauts came to earth and bred with us. They returned at other key moments in our development and didn't always like what they found. When that happened, they just killed us off, a la Noah and the great flood. He uses Egyptian and Sumerian art to argue that what are assumed to be depictions of the gods are really depictions of interstellar travelers.

To be fair, von Daniken doesn't assert that his theories are true. He does, however, believe that more research is needed. At times, he argues convincingly (he is at his most convincing when comparing the mythologies of several early cultures), but not at others. A lot of the book is simply question-raising. Why do we see this? Why do we believe that? Why do high-waisted pants make women look fat?

In a nutshell: Many questions, few answers, but interesting overall. Until we meet again, von Daniken.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3.5 out of 6 stars

A Return to Simpler Times

The Food of a Younger Land
Mark Kurlansky

This is a hard book to summarize, so I'm going to allow the book jacket to do the honors:

Award-winning New York Times–bestselling author Mark Kurlansky takes us back to the food and eating habits of a younger America: Before the national highway system brought the country closer together; before chain restaurants imposed uniformity and low quality; and before the Frigidaire meant frozen food in mass quantities, the nation’s food was seasonal, regional, and traditional. It helped form the distinct character, attitudes, and customs of those who ate it.

In the 1930s, with the country gripped by the Great Depression and millions of Americans struggling to get by, FDR created the Federal Writers’ Project under the New Deal as a make-work program for artists and authors. A number of writers, including Zora Neale Hurston, Eudora Welty, and Nelson Algren, were dispatched all across America to chronicle the eating habits, traditions, and struggles of local people. The project, called “America Eats,” was abandoned in the early 1940s because of the World War and never completed.

The Food of a Younger Land unearths this forgotten literary and historical treasure and brings it to exuberant life. Mark Kurlansky’s brilliant book captures these remarkable stories, and combined with authentic recipes, anecdotes, photos, and his own musings and analysis, evokes a bygone era when Americans had never heard of fast food and the grocery superstore was a thing of the future. Kurlansky serves as a guide to this hearty and poignant look at the country’s roots. From New York automats to Georgia Coca-Cola parties, from Arkansas possum-eating clubs to Puget Sound salmon feasts, from Choctaw funerals to South Carolina barbecues, the WPA writers found Americans in their regional niches and eating an enormous diversity of meals. From Mississippi chittlins to Indiana persimmon puddings, Maine lobsters, and Montana beavertails, they recorded the curiosities, commonalities, and communities of American food.

I was fascinated by the eating habits of America's younger years, and even marked a few recipes to try later. The book is divided into geographical sections (the Northeast, the Southwest, etc.) and I enjoyed seeing how traditions varied from place to place.

In fact, in reading The Food of a Younger Land I couldn't help but think the authors of The Liberation Diet would enjoy this book. In the past, Americans ate lots of whole-fat foods, lots of animal fats, and lots of locally grown produce. I'm still not swayed.

In a nutshell: This is not a book to be read straight-through, as one would a novel, but rather to be digested slowly, in small bites, as one would a sumptuous feast.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

If it tastes good, spit it out

The Liberation Diet: Setting America Free from the Bondage of Health Misinformation!
Kevin Brown and Annette Presley

For the record, I think diet books and weight-loss plans are stupid. As someone who has struggled with her weight (and who has lost a good amount of poundage as well), I know losing weight isn't easy. Sure, I'd like nothing more than to eat pizza and french fries while sitting my ass on the sofa with a good book, but doing so will prevent me looking the way I want to look. Eating healthy foods, eating smaller portions, and exercising daily are unfortunately the only way to go.

The authors of The Liberation Diet, however, take issue with the current notion of what constitutes "healthy" food. In fact, they even go so far as to say that a lot of exercise isn't necessary. Hm. You know what they say: if it sounds too good to be true...

First, a run down of some of their main points:

1. Crisco is actually industrial waste marketed as a healthy alternative to lard and butter. Beware this and other false foods.

2. The USDA food guide pyramid (with the base -- and largest portion -- devoted to grains) was specifically designed to boost the sale of agricultural products; it was NOT designed to promote health. In fact, a great number of industries benefit from our current food guide pyramid -- not individual Americans and their health. Instead, one should buy locally grown, fresh food, which cannot be mass produced and distributed.

3. Animal fats are good for you - in fact, the authors note that "the heart gets its fuel from saturated fat, and it is the only organ in the body that does not succumb to cancer."

4. Carbohydrates (even whole grains) make you fat and one should not eat more than two servings of them a day.

5. Calorie counting is a waste of time because there is no way to be totally sure how many calories are being consumed or burned at any given time.

6. Instead of following the current recommendation of several small meals a day, one should eat 2 to 3 meals a day.

7. One should only eat breakfast if hungry.

8. Fasting, at least in moderation, is good.

9. Pretty much ignore food labels, since many are misleading. However, if a food has more than 12g of carbs or 5g of sugar, don't eat it.

10. Exercise accounts for only 20% of weight loss; diet accounts for 80%.


THE GOOD

1. Many of their points are sound, but a lot are common sense. It should hardly come as a surprise that Crisco is a fake food and therefore bad for you.

2. As for point #3 above, it sounds good, but then again those six vodka-cranberries sounded good to me last Friday, and look where they got me.

3. I'm all about point #9. In fact, I'll go even further and say that if there isn't at least 4g of fiber in those 12g, pass on it.


THE BAD

1. The exclamation mark at the end of the super-long title is a bit twee, don't you think?

2. I wholly disagree with their stance on calorie counting. I know we can never be totally sure of how many calories we consume (then again, can we ever be truly sure of anything? sigh.), but to discount calorie counting as a whole seems a bit dumb. I personally got my chubby ass in to some EXTREMELY TINY pants through constant calorie counting and daily exercise AND YES I COULD CUT A BITCH AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS OF SUCH DEPRIVATION but it was all worth it. Right? Right????

3. Fasting may be good in theory, but just ask my husband how lovely I am after I haven't eaten for a few hours.

4. I take issue with point #7. I'm very pro-breakfast. In fact, I'm a big fan of the "inverted pyramid" approach to eating: my breakfast is my biggest meal, lunch is medium-sized, and my dinner is quite small. Takes some getting used to but has worked quite well for me.

And that, ultimately, is what I think many need to keep in mind when it comes to dieting: what works for one person might not work for another. So take this approach with a grain of salt. But not too much salt. Salt makes you bloated, even if it IS quite tasty.

In a nutshell: I still say eat a little and exercise a lot, but what do I know? Still, The Liberation Diet taught me some things I didn't know, reaffirmed some things I did, and made me disagree with still others.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3.5 out of 6 stars

I want to run away for a year, too!

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia
Elizabeth Gilbert

So I finally rode the Eat, Pray, Love train, even though this book isn't exactly new and exciting to most people. I feared the hype machine would trick me into reading yet another turd, but I was pleasantly surprised. The latest stop on my reading resolution tour wasn't perfect, but it was a fast, engaging piece that -- for the most part -- lived up to its hype.

Eat, Pray, Love is a memoir that recounts one woman's quest for fulfillment. Elizabeth Gilbert's life falls apart when she realizes that her marriage is over. After a bitter divorce, Gilbert leaves the US to find herself. She spends a year abroad and travels to three different areas to learn three different lessons. She travels to Italy to embrace physical pleasures and lots of pasta. From there, she travels to India to embrace spiritual fulfillment in an ashram. Finally, she travels to Indonesia to achieve balance between the worlds of the physical and the spiritual.

I enjoyed Gilbert's style, and found her writing to be conversational and enjoyable. Part of me felt more than a little bitter at her ability to just "run away" for a year and live totally free of any "real life" issues. (And I'm not saying that her journey was problem-free -- of course that isn't the case, but you get my point.) I also balked at the ending, which was just oh-so-perfect and not entirely believable. I'm sure her reality wasn't as neat and tidy, but it did come across that way.

In a nutshell: Eat, Pray, Love didn't rock my world, but it was enjoyable enough. Some parts were less believable than others, but overall the experience was a good one.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

and when all should be quiet your fire burns a river of sleep

Hurry Down Sunshine
Michael Greenberg

Hurry Down Sunshine is one father’s account of his daughter’s descent into the maelstrom of madness. Although I have railed against the glut of memoirs I’ve encountered recently, Hurry Down Sunshine never seemed unnecessary or pointless. It isn’t the best memoir I’ve read, nor is it the most compelling account of mental illness I’ve encountered (that honor goes to Greg Bottoms’ Angelhead), but Greenberg’s memoir provides a lesson we can all benefit from: that the mentally ill are not freaks who should be treated like pariahs; rather, they are seriously ill individuals who need our patience and support.

Greenberg's daughter, Sally, was only fifteen when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The events that led up to her hospitalization took her father by complete surprise, even though, as he notes in retrospect, the signs had been there. Hurry Down Sunshine chronicles Sally's fight against the disease, as well as the struggle faced by those who love her. Readers can clearly see how Sally's illness greatly affects not only her life, but those of all around her.

While other soon-to-be tenth graders spend their summers lounging seaside, Sally spends hers in a psychiatric hospital, slowly regaining the right to perform even the most basic of rights, rights (like keeping a pen) that she once took for granted. Her recovery is not an easy one, nor is it final. Sally's disease is one that can be controlled, but never fully cured. Greenberg's work proves that the mentally ill are more than just their diagnosis; behind every mental illness is a fragile soul just wanting to be free. The fact that the soul in question is so young makes Sunshine an even more compelling read.

That's not to say Hurry Down Sunshine is perfect; it's not. Certain places drag and Greenberg glosses over other parts that could use more detail. Still, for those interested in such topics, this memoir is an informative and sympathetic look at an engrossing disease.

In a nutshell: Both compelling and informative, Hurry Down Sunshine shines despite its flaws.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

The mob is the mother of tyrants

Marie-Therese, Child of Terror: The Fate of Marie Antoinette's Daughter
Susan Nagel

Much attention has been given to the two most famous victims of the French Revolution, Louis XVI and his ill-fated wife, Marie Antoinette; however, their eldest daughter, Marie-Therese, is little known. Susan Nagel aims to shed more light on the girl known as Madame Royale, once described by Napoleon as "the only man in the family," with her book Marie-Therese, Child of Terror: The Fate of Marie Antoinette's Daughter.

Nagel has meticulously researched this biography, and we follow Marie-Therese from her birth (including the circumstances leading up to it), through the first rumblings of revolution and the family's imprisonment (and near-total execution), all the way into exile and mystery. There are those who wondered if Marie-Therese was not switched with her half-sister, allowing she who had endured so much in the public eye a little privacy.

While the circumstances of a violent revolution coupled with an unsolved mystery might suggest a page-turning read, this was unfortunately not always so. Some sections seem to drag on interminably, and at this time it becomes clearer than ever just how well Nagel knows her topic. Nevertheless, I was intrigued -- and a little surprised -- by how interested I became in someone I'd previously never paid any attention to at all.

One major drawback to Marie-Therese was its lack of illustrations. True, some illustrations are provided, but many of them are not helpful (like a photo of the bed where Marie Antoinette gave birth) while several personages central to much of Marie-Therese's life are left visually undocumented. I know they're out there (I googled them myself), so why not include them in the book? A minor point, perhaps, but one I feel has merit.

In a nutshell: Some sections lagged and more illustrations of the people central to M-T's life would have been nice, but Nagel still delivers an in-depth look into the life of a commonly ignored historical figure.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3.5 out of 6 stars

from Princess to Queen

Queen of the Road: The True Tale of 47 States, 22,000 Miles, 200 Shoes, 2 Cats, 1 Poodle, a Husband, and a Bus with a Will of Its Own
Doreen Orion

I envy Doreen Orion. In many ways, she and I are like two peas in a pod, except that she has found a way to do what I have always dreamed of: She has conned her husband into doing most of the housework. She works from home. She rarely removes her pajamas. She has had Nick Arrojo cut her hair.

Why not me, God? WHY NOT ME???

I'm saved from totally dissolving into a covetous puddle by the presence of her husband, a man who was able to convince the author to do the unthinkable. Tim, who bears a striking resemblance to my own husband, is a man who actually enjoys leaving the house and doing (shudder) "projects." Not surprisingly, he has found a way to ruin the domestic bliss Doreen has enjoyed for so long. The result? The two of them (plus a few pets and 200 pairs of shoes) spend the next year in a renovated bus, touring the good ol' US of A.

I tip my hat to you, Ms. Orion. I, for one, never would have made it.

But Orion has, and she's flourished because of it. Once a shopping addict, she has learned from her year on the road. Her relationship with her husband has improved, as has her outlook on life.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before these lessons could be learned, Orion had to endure the trip from hell. She recounts her experiences and epiphanies in Queen of the Road, a memoir that is both humorous and poignant. Along the way, they experience dozens of misadventures, such as visiting a nudist RV park, seeing the "Chattanooga Choo Choo," and failing to properly aim a fire extinguisher.

While I enjoyed the various misadventures experienced by husband and wife, it was Orion's writing style that made Queen of the Road a true pleasure to read. Her style is conversational, and it read as though she were sitting next to me, recounting her adventures over martinis. I also enjoyed the appendices, which not only contains specific places visited during their journey, but also lists books read along the way. I'm always a sucker to see what others are reading -- but Ulysses? On the road? I tip my hat again, Ms. Orion.

In a nutshell: Queen of the Road is humorous and heart-warming, but I don't see myself following in the author's footsteps any time soon.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

Balance has been restored

Elephants on Acid: And Other Bizarre Experiments
Alex Boese

The scene is Christmas, a little over eight short months ago.

Picture this: family gathers round, cheerfully exchanging presents. Traditional Christmas music plays, the air is sweet with scented candles and baked goods, and no one is arguing. (Actually, I'm pretty sure my Uncle Chiron is arguing with somebody, probably about politics, but that's neither here nor there.) The point is, the goodwill is almost palpable.

Until, that is, I spy something disconcerting.

Someone other than myself has received a book.

This will not stand.

I make my way over to my cousin, who has just been gifted with something that was clearly meant for me: Elephants on Acid: And Other Bizarre Experiments. I smile sweetly and ask to see his present. Yes, this was meant for me. I don't make a scene though -- instead, I return it to him and make a mental note to rectify this mistake as soon as possible. I will own this book and restore balance to the universe.

And I have.

There isn't much to say about the book itself. Elephants on Acid: And Other Bizarre Experiments is just that: a collection of bizarre experiments including but not limited to forcing unsuspecting elephants to have the time of their lives. We are given access to dozens of experiments, both on animals and people, both alive and dead. Some experiments were successful, others were not.

While the experiments are, for the most part, entirely fascinating (there were a few that bored me, but that's to be expected), it's Boese's writing style that wins the day. Boese's conversational style is often humorous and never over-technical, which makes reading Elephants on Acid both informative and fun.

In a nutshell: Interestingly enough, my cousin kinda looks like the author. Coincidence? I'm not so sure.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

Wisdom for those lacking common sense

Moving Forward: Taking the Lead in Your Life
Dave Pelzer

Warning: I apologize in advance for the anger that appears in this post.


You know what? I’m going to write a self-help book. I’m not going to give away all my tips right now because that would just be silly, but I think my self-help book will go a little something like this:

Wanna be a millionaire? Well you’re gonna have to work. And save some money. Put away 20 bucks a week. Can’t do that? Try 10. Do what you gotta do.

Unlucky in love? Can’t meet the right person? Well stop your bitchin! Like being married is a real honeymoon. You know what they say: The grass is always greener.

Want to lose weight? Try not eating so much. Stay away from shit foods. If it’s fried, it’s probably gonna make you fat. Try drinking some friggin water and get the fuck off the computer while you're at it. Walk a little bit, even.

Unable to let go of the past? Well, Christ, loser, just let it go! No, seriously. Just let it go. I don't care if your daddy raped you while you were still a fetus. LET IT GO.

Actually, that last one isn't mine. It's the advice of my old friend, Cloud Hand, whom I didn't mind so much when I read his first book two years ago. Unfortunately, he had to keep going.

I'm speaking of Dave Pelzer, whose seventh book (all of which, ironically enough, are based on Pelzer's horrific past) Moving Forward advocates just that -- letting shit go and moving forward. While we're on the subject, shouldn't he have...I dunno, MOVED ON from his childhood, um, YEARS AGO? According to him, it should be easy, but I guess when you're making a lot of money off your past, it's okay. I guess his advice only applies to others.

And what advice!

Here's a few gems Pelzer provides in Moving Forward:

I say if there is something you can do, do it! If you've got something to state, state it.

If what you're doing is not working for you, well then, be adult enough to face the facts and commit to accomplishing something different.

Start accepting yourself for who you are and what you're about, including how you live your life.

Work hard, be kind, and help others along the path of life. Be happy, and be happy now! Damn it!

Alrighty then!

As you can see, his advice is pretty much common sense. If you want to pay for common sense, fine -- by all means. But if you want to pay for someone else's common sense, may I ask that you pay ME for mine? Because if you liked the three pearls of wisdom offered at the beginning of this post, there's more where that came from!

In a nutshell: I accept all forms of payment, even credit cards. Seriously. I'm going shopping today and I'll need to replenish the funds before my husband finds out.

Bibliolatry Scale: 0 out of 6 stars

Ghosts danced around us

Apples and Oranges: My Brother and Me, Lost and Found
Marie Brenner

We all have a story to tell. That does not mean, however, that everyone’s story is worthwhile.

Perhaps I'm suffering from a glut of memoirs lately, although even if I hadn't read a lot of them recently, I'd still feel underwhelmed by Apples and Oranges, Marie Brenner’s memoir of her brother. Brenner recounts her troubled relationship with her late brother, at the same time she delves into her family history. Brenner writes of her struggle to understand her brother and help him as he is dying. Their troubled history, however, prevents this from being an easy task.

Brenner undoubtedly writes well, and her shifts in time from past to present are effective when they are clearly labeled, not all of which are. Unfortunately, the author's ruminations fell a bit flat for me.

I do have to say that I've read a lot of positive reviews on this one, so if Apples and Oranges sounds like it might interest you, then don't take my word for it.

In a nutshell: I didn't connect with all of it, but I will say that Carl's damn right about the Honeycrisp: they're the best apples around.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

How to handle stress effectively

The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Any Change (and Loving Your Life More)
Ariane de Bonvoisin

How do you deal with change? With stress?

Although I have many fears, I’m proud to say that change isn’t one of them. Then again, little beyond my age and hairstyle has changed much over the years. I’d like to think that I handle change well, but I really can’t be sure.

Mostly, though, I hide from change (or even just stressful things in general), doing anything in my power to avoid dealing with the situation. When this isn’t possible, I’d like to say that I always deal positively, like by exercising or reading. Sometimes this is true, but I’m also liable to shove food and/or alcohol down my throat instead. Good times.

Ariane de Bonvoisin would probably look down on my binging, even if a good binge session is followed by a nice bout of cardio. Her book, The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Any Change (and Loving Your Life More), outlines how to handle change effectively. Much of her advice, however, can be applied to any stressful situation, so if you aren't about to undergo change, don't write The First 30 Days off just yet.

I have to be upfront from the beginning and say that I generally don't like self-help books. I think most of their advice is common-sense, and I think that authors often prey on poor, gullible readers who, looking for a bit of hope in a hopeless world, buy such sage advice at unbelievably high prices. (Sylvia Browne, I'm looking at you, dear, even though there is a soft place in my heart for your gravelly predictions).

Tools for Life #1:
Be vague. Be very, very vague.

Thankfully, Ariane de Bonvoisin (what a great name. Is it unprofessional for me to just stop a second and remark on that? Say it aloud -- go ahead, I dare you. Ariane de Bonvoisin. Melodical, no?) is not among those those who sell bad advice at high prices.

For starters, her website contains a wealth of information on change without prompting you either to register or to pay to access the information. Secondly, The First 30 Days itself offers several distinct coping methods to help one understand (and even embrace) change. De Bonvoisin focuses on changing both one's mindset and behavior regarding change, and the techniques she advises to effect this change were practical (and, more importantly, genuinely helpful) and not of the "oh gimme a break" variety that I've found in other self-help books. Although I'm not exactly facing change right now, I did apply a few suggestions to a current stressful situation and found that de Bonvoisin helped me to rethink the situation in a new way.

In a nutshell: Whether you're facing a big change or a small one, The First 30 Days is a must. Even if you're not facing change, de Bonvoisin will help you better handle stress. And don't forget loved ones when the holiday season approaches -- The First 30 Days would make a great gift.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars


So, I'll ask again, how do you cope with stress? Leave your great ideas (including recipes for tasty cookies and brownies and even alcoholic beverages) in the comments.

The most important facts hold true

When You Are Engulfed in Flames
David Sedaris

My latest review is available at Pajiba, this time on the latest by David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames.

Many critics complain that this latest collection of personal essays isn't as hilarious as previous collections, such as Naked, which, to be fair, made me wet my pants from laughing too hard. However, comparing Engulfed to Naked is, in my mind, a bit unfair, and you can read what I say in response to such criticism here.

In a nutshell: Perhaps not as hilarious as previous works, but that doesn't mean When You Are Engulfed in Flames isn't worth the read.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

No time for OCD

Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity
Kerry Cohen

Like all bibliophiles, I have my pet peeves when it comes to books. One such peeve involves the dust jackets which accompany hardcover books. In general I find them annoying, and never do I read with them on -- they get all flimsy and wonky and they're just generally a pain in the ass. Needless to say, immediately upon reading a hardcover book, the first thing I do is remove the dust jacket and store it atop a bookshelf in my library. Priorities, and all that.

Beginning my review of Kerry Cohen's Loose Girl with a discussion of dust jackets is actually pretty important, and I'm going to tell you why. My copy of Loose Girl arrived in the mail yesterday, and I decided to read just the first page before putting it aside to resume my other reading. That's all it took, however. I was hooked. I read ALL of it in one sitting - and never stopped to remove the dust jacket.

Clearly, that's saying something.

I could throw around the usual adjectives -- compelling, fascinating, gripping -- but I think the fact that I didn't stop to assuage my OCD is a clear illustration of the power of Cohen's memoir.

Cohen was the girl that we all loved to gossip about. She was, to put it lightly, a bit of a slut. Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity is Cohen's attempt to explain her behavior, her all-encompassing need to feel loved that found an outlet only through sex. She doesn't play the "woe-is-me" card -- far from it. She scrutinizes (and, more importantly, owns) her behavior even as she traces its roots in her childhood and in her parents.

Written in the present tense, Loose Girl has an immediacy that allows the reader to feel exactly what Cohen was experiencing in those moments. In fact, her prose allowed (although "forced" is more apt) me to relive all the anxiety and expectation involved with the opposite sex when I was young and insecure.

Over time, Cohen comes to understand the roots of her behavior and what, exactly, she is really seeking in her encounters with men. While the majority of Loose Girl is an unflinching dissection of her loose behavior, Cohen ends on a hopeful note when she finally breaks the cycle of promiscuity and finds strength in herself, not in the attention of men.

In a nutshell: Cohen's memoir is well written and utterly fascinating. All readers (male and female alike) can surely find a piece of themselves in Loose Girl.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

Long is the way, and hard, that out of darkness leads up to the light

Dead Star Twilight
Chez Pazienza

I've just had the honor of being the first person to have ever reviewed Dead Star Twilight, the self-published memoir by Chez Pazienza, author of Deus Ex Malcontent.

Dead Star Twilight is a frenetic, wild ride that describes the true-life downfall and resurrection of the author. It's insane, it's debauched, it's frequently disgusting -- and if it didn't make Chez look like a piece of shit I'd doubt it was true. Thankfully, Chez has firmly closed the door on that period of his life, and his description of these dark days is both touching and entertaining.

Click here to read the review, which is posted over at Pajiba, and be sure to check out Deus Ex Malcontent when you're finished.

In a nutshell: I think that if I ever [..........SPOILER REMOVED..........] I would have taken that shit to my grave.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

She walks, she talks, she’s full of chalk

Soldier's Heart: Reading Literature Through Peace and War at West Point
Elizabeth Samet

How do you convince an eighteen-year-old cadet that poetry has any relevance to his life? Poetry seems pretty unimportant in the face of roadside bombs and suicide bombers. Hell, I have a hard time justifying poetry to my eighteen-year-old students, and none of them will ever come close to Iraq. So I read Samet’s Soldier’s Heart with a special interest, although one does not need to be an English teacher to enjoy this memoir.

Soldier’s Heart consists of a collection of essays on a variety of topics involving war, women, religion, sacrifice, and, of course, literature. Over the course of the work, those unfamiliar with West Point Military Academy deepen their understanding of the institution, as Samet seeks to extinguish the stereotype of "West Point as a kind of modern-day Sparta, where training and discipline trump creativity and independence of mind."

Samet, who has been an English professor at West Point Military Academy for ten years, discusses her struggle to develop creative, independent thought in cadets who are trained to think as a group, not as individuals. She proves that cadets are not automatons capable of only obedience; they are intelligent, thoughtful, and often philosophic young adults facing a very uncertain future. Literature helps them wade the murky waters of right and wrong, duty and disobedience.

Included in her discussion of her own approach to teaching literature (reviving along the way my interest in Wilfred Owen, the oft-overlooked poet of WWI) are anecdotes about life at West Point itself, such as the “knowledge” each new cadet must spend his (or her) summer memorizing. For example, if stopped on campus, a plebe must answer the question, “How’s the cow?” with the reply, “She walks, she talks, she’s full of chalk, the lacteal fluid extracted from the female of the bovine species is highly prolific to the nth degree.” It’s anecdotes like these that really make Soldier’s Heart intriguing.

I'm full of what?!? Go ef yourself.

I must be honest and say that, my own background in teaching literature notwithstanding, it was not the discussion of literature that made me enjoy Soldier's Heart. True, these sections were interesting and revived my interest in several authors and works that I've been meaning to look at again, but these parts were secondary to the human portraits that people the pages.

Samet paints clear, often touching, portraits of young men and women who are frequently intimidated by the future that awaits them. The lessons that they take from both their experiences and the literature they read can teach us all. It's not a perfect book; I'll admit to skimming some parts that quite frankly didn't pique my interest, but I don't perceive the military in the same way as I did before reading Soldier's Heart.

In a nutshell: An interesting perspective on the importance of literature in the face of war, but, even more importantly, it proves the extent to which literature affects the life of every individual.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

Thank God this was free

Larryisms: Book One
Larry John

For the record, Larry John seems like a nice guy. He seems like the type who could swig back a few beers, tell a few stories, and eat so much off the grill that you feel like an anorexic supermodel standing next to him. And to that I say: Bravo, Larry John.

However, a good drinking buddy does not a good author make, so I’m just gonna call this one like I see it right from the get-go: at best, this is a bathroom book, plain and simple. At worst, well, it’s a waste of money, but I got it for free, so no worries on my end.

I received Larryisms (Book One, mind you) as part of LibraryThing’s Early Reviewer program. It’s a short book, filled with the wit and wisdom of one Larry John, a self-proclaimed “pragmatic thinker.” On his website, Larry defines the pragmatic thinker as “a person who observes oneself, other people and the issues of the world around them, as ‘practically’ as possible.” Larry intends Larryisms: Book One as an introduction to this philosophy. Larry further explains that “applying the philosophy of pragmatic thinking to your business life as well as your personal life will enable you to more fully understand your day to day existence and enjoy what life has to offer.”

Wow! I’m all about enjoying life and understanding my everyday existence. Let’s dive in.

Hm. Larry wonders, “Do we really have to get along?” Deep.

Now he offers, “People are so overrated.” So true.

Later, he ponders, “Solitude is hard to find even when you’re alone.” Preach it, brother!

Now consider this question for the ages: “Even when it is totally dark you still have to close your eyes to sleep. Why is that?” Yes, why is that? It’s an impenetrable mystery, I know. Perhaps one day anatomists will be able to solve the mystery of the eyelid.

Multiply these deep thoughts by about 100 and now you have Larryisms. I’m glad Larry is very pro-thinking – thinking seems to be a dying art these days – but I’m not sure what I would have thought had I paid 15 bucks for this book.

In a nutshell: Great for when you're feeling a little backed up ... but Book One?!? May the Fates save us from Book Two.

Bibliolatry Scale: 1 out of 6 stars