Ethel, I think you underestimated your transmitter!

The Seance
John Harwood

Can I just say how much I LOVE this time of year? True, the fall also coincides with a return to work which is, of course, full of UGH, but even a return to grading and poorly constructed sentences and forgotten homework can't make me entirely dislike autumn. AND, it's time for SPOOKY READS! Which are, of course, full of win.

So, you might remember John Harwood from The Ghost Writer, which was, as I recall, "a pretty good time." Now he's back with The Seance, an equally atmospheric Gothic mystery set in Victorian England.

Constance Langton has problems. Her father doesn't care about her, and her mother is too busy mourning her dead sister to care much about her, either. Constance begins to delve into the nascent spiritualist community in hopes of helping her mother move on from her grief.

Whoops. So much for THAT. The best of intentions, and all that. Before you know it, Constance learns she has inherited Wraxford Hall, a mouldering old mansion in the countryside, from a distant reputation. The lawyer who tells her of this inheritance warns her to sell the building without setting foot in it -- it has been the site of numerous apparitions, disappearances, and deaths. The Hall remains shrouded in mystery.

But this wouldn't be an entertaining novel if Constance were to listen. Soon she finds herself searching for the truth behind Wraxford Hall.

The Seance is a nice little novel that is both spooky and endearing. My only complaint is that I had a hard time envisioning some of the action (especially as the mystery was explained); however, this confusion is probably due to my unfamiliarity with the layout of such great homes. (Also, I was reading on my Kindle while walking on my treadmill. So I'm sure that didn't increase my comprehension. Oh well.)

In a nutshell: Charming, spooky, mysterious -- great fun.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal Kindle copy here

RIPV: Ghosts, seances, and a mystery? You're darn right The Seance counts toward this year's RIP challenge. BAM!

Not for the faint of heart

Sworn to Silence
Linda Castillo

First, a warning: this book is pretty messed up in places. There's a serial killer, and he's not the nice kind that kills you all quick-like. No, he drags things out and makes life extra-painful. In other words, he's just like high school.

Ok, so, background: Kate Burkholder grew up Amish but left the community and is now chief of police. Her skills are put to the test when young women turn up dead. Roman numerals carved into their stomachs indicate the killer's rampage has been a long one -- even though he was presumed dead over a decade ago.

In many ways, the story is cliched: Kate battles the predominately-male police force and fights to prove her worth. She's also hiding a dark secret that could destroy her. An alcoholic detective who is battling his own demons is sent to help with the investigation. What if he uncovers Kate's secret? And what about the hotshot investigator who slowly infringes upon Kate's case?

These cliches, however, do not detract from the novel. Sworn to Silence is a solid mystery that follows genre conventions and delivers chills along the way. I could have done without the predictable and unnecessary romance that pops up midway through the novel -- hello, serial killer on the loose, put it back in your pants until you catch him, mmmkay?

Overall, the story was an intriguing one. The violence and brutality featured in the novel are not for the faint of heart. However, for those looking for a disturbing, atmospheric mystery to complement this time of year, Sworn to Silence is a a perfect fit. That said, I don't think I'll read the sequel that continues the story of Kate Burkholder; one was enough for me.

In a nutshell: Disturbing, taut, and compelling, Sworn to Silence probably shouldn't be read late at night, especially if you live alone.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: downloaded a version o'this for me Kindle

RIPV: Sworn to Silence is the second book that counts toward this year's RIP challenge.

The Summer of Sookie continues

Dead to the World
Charlaine Harris

Okay, y'all, you said Book 4 would be good, and it was. But it was sooo bad, too. Charlaine Harris, I'm shaking my fist at you.

Let's see. Sookie's just finished wrasslin with the werewolves in Book 3, so now it's on to another superbad baddy. This time, it's witches! (Highlight for small spoiler, I mean it's not gonna ruin the book or anything.)

So, anyway, Sookie's driving home and bam! Naked Eric everywhere. Clearly, this is headed in a good direction. And he's all memory-less (and therefore nice and sweet-like). OKAY!

Basically, Sookie's gotta make things right by going up against the aforementioned, not-really-spoilery baddy(ies). Which she does. While Eric hides in her house. So far, so good.

And it would have been absolutely perfect had it not been for the sheer laughability of it. Sookie is good at prompting second-hand embarrassment (even she admits she isn't the savviest of wits) and her awkwardness delayed me from finishing one particular scene. (We're talking a couple paragraphs. That took me two days. She's just so damn awkward, that Sookie. I mean, at one point Suckie [typo, but it stays] says -- in all seriousness -- "I could tell that flicked his Bic." Really? You really thought that? NO YOU DIDN'T.)



Damn you Charlaine Harris, laughing all the way to the mothereffing bank!

Bizarrely, however, I liked this book all the better in spite of -- or perhaps thanks to -- its absurdity. I just can't quit you, Sookie! See you in Book 5!

In a nutshell: ERIIIIIIIIIIIIICC

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: personal kindle download!

In case you're interested: Book 1, Book 2, Book 3

Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell

Falling Angel
William Hjortsberg

Where do you search for a guy who was never there to begin with?

Private detective Harry Angel ponders this very question as he searches for his quarry, who has disappeared under peculiar circumstances. Hired by the mysterious Louis Cyphre to find a missing crooner, Johnny Favorite, Angel's search soon takes him to the seedy underbelly of the city and introduces him to the dark world of voodoo devil worship. It isn't long before Angel finds himself irrevocably entangled in these dark events.

I first heard of this novel when Carlos Ruiz Zafon listed his top 10 20th-century gothic novels. He said Falling Angel is "the best mystery thriller ever written. It has the classic elements of a Chandler novel combined with the solid tradition of the 1970s supernatural thrillers .... The writing, plotting and characterisation are superb." He ended his blurb by adding, "This is a hard title to find, but do yourself a favour and go looking." He wasn't kidding.

The harder I looked for this book, the more I wanted to read it. Struck out on Amazon (unless I wanted to pay over 40 bucks for a copy). No luck at the library. I finally ordered a used copy from the UK (thanks, guys). Then, the waiting began.

My book arrived in the late afternoon; a few hours later, I had fully devoured it. Zafon was spot on when he said the plotting is superb; the story hooks you immediately and doesn't relent until you've finished the final page.

In a nutshell: A gripping mystery with a nice dash of horror, Falling Angel is a must for those looking for a gritty, atmospheric read.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Mine, but only because not a single library in my state carried the book. WTF, library system??? W.T.F?!?

Victory is mine

Dark Places
Gillian Flynn

My absence, dear friends, hath nary an excuse to support it. I'd like to say that I've been using my time wisely, filling it with charitable deeds and random works of kindness, but instead I've just been watching every episode of True Blood (Eric!) and biding my time until the return of Jersey Shore.

(Please don't judge me.)

I have, however, done one good thing since my last post: I have -- now, brace yourselves -- VISITED THE LIBRARY.

Now, now, now: I know what you're thinking: have I fallen ill? Fear not, friends, I'm neither ill nor lying: I actually went to the library instead of buying books.

Anyway, that's where I stumbled across Dark Places, and since I'd enjoyed her previous work, Sharp Objects, and because Dark Places has been on my TBR list for awhile now, I thought, why not?

Ok, so, Libby Day's family was murdered by her older brother over twenty years ago. Since the murders, she's been in a fog of sorts, but one day she realizes she has no more money and then she encounters some people who don't believe her brother is guilty and before you know it she just up and decides to find out what REALLY happened the night her family was butchered.

Improbable? Yeah, a bit, but it works. Glad I got this from the library, though. (Take from that what you will.)

In a nutshell: Like Sharp Objects, Dark Places is a bit sensational and a bit unbelievable, but it's ultimately a fast, compelling thriller. Great summer reading.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: The library FTW!

victory is mine

Halfway to zombification

Club Dead
Charlaine Harris

My patience with Sookie is officially wearing thin.

In fact, I've decided that every time you read some Sookie, God zaps a bit of your cerebral cortex. I'm halfway to zombification by now.

So, let's see, what happens in Book 3? Sookie gets her dumb ass involved with another mystery involving supernatural creatures (this time, werewolves and other shapeshifters). Vampire Bill treats her like shit, but it's cool because Sookie's as dumb as a bag of rocks.

(Okay, okay, she's mad at him [for other reasons than the rape-y bits] by the end of the book. But ten bucks says I know how Book 4 begins: makeup sex.)

Also, I'm kinda unkay (typo, but I like it) with how rape is acceptable so long as you're raped by your significant other. Cause Bill has a tendency to do that, even though I know he's a vampire AND THEY HAVE NEEDS, woman.

Also, it's RIME of the Ancient Mariner, not "rhyme." Who edited this nonsense novel?

In a nutshell: You know I'll be reading Book 4, so who's the real fool here?

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: personal Kindle copy

n case you're interested: Book 1, Book 2, Book 4

Insert "Release the Kraken" joke here

Kraken
China Mieville

Dude.

Sometimes, when you finish a book like Kraken, that's all you can say.

Dude.

I've waited a bit to write this review in an effort to allow the effects of the novel to settle a bit. Still, "Dude" is all I can manage even now, days later.

Kraken was my first encounter with Mieville, despite The City and the City being on my TBR list for an eternity now. I had expected his work to be intelligent, weird, maybe even a little difficult to plow through, but I underestimated what was in store for me. Simply put, Kraken is awe-inspiring.

Although a simple summary is near impossible, let's see what I can manage: the novel begins as Billy Harrow leads a tour through the Darwin Center only to find the centerpiece of its exhibit, an eight-meter-long giant squid, has disappeared -- tank and all. Investigators are baffled.

Billy soon finds himself thrown into a world he never knew existed: one full of thugs, sorcerers, Londonmancers, strange cults (like the Krakenists who worship the giant squid, obviously), and more. It isn't long before Billy discovers the missing Kraken will bring about the apocalypse. Oh noes!

my bad

This fast-paced, labyrinthine novel will make you work (it's 500 pages and feels like it), but it's worth it. The large cast of characters might be unnecessary but I was so entertained and fascinated by them that I didn't care. (C'mon -- Tattoo? Hysterical. Goss and Subby? Mesmerizing. Wati? Genius.)

Besides, watching each group duke it out over a giant squid is ANYTHING but boring. And what will happen when the squid is found? Can the end of the world be avoided? Or will it all go up in flames? You'll want to find out -- and the answer will be anything but predictable.

In a nutshell: Awesome, awesome, awesome. Kraken grips readers from the onset and tears right through to the end. Once it gets its tentacles around you, escape is impossible.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Personal, hardcover copy over here. woot woot

Spellbound by Sookie

Living Dead in Dallas
Charlaine Harris

Ok, so I SWEAR I did more than read on this cruise. But I'm sucked in and was able to read this book in an afternoon. (It's not exactly Crime and Punishment, nah'mean?)

So...let's see: Sookie and her "disability" get her involved in another mystery. Vampires are there. Sex is had. Stuff happens.

Who cares. SOOOKIEEE.

In a nutshell: Weak writing, weak characters, weak everything...and yet I can't stop reading.

Bibliolatry Scale: I'm feeling charitable. 4 out of 6 stars.

FTCBS: Personal copy purchased from Walmart - victory!

In case you're interested: Book 1, Book 3, Book 4

The Harris chick done got me good

Dead Until Dark
Charlaine Harris

Reasons why I should hate Sookie:

1. Sookie? SOOKIE?

2. ugh, simplistic writing!

3. ugh, simplistic characters!

4. Speaking of which, Sookie has the intellectual capacity of moldy cheese. (She decides to have sex with Bill WHEN???? And WHERE is the best spot for this adventure???? Sookie, just jump in front of a bus, please. I mean, REALLY.)

5. Every character seems like a joke.

6. SookieSookieSookie

However, I couldn't hate this book. I tore through it while I was on vacation. On a cruise. When I could have been eating, drinking, partying, etc. Also: Eric. And, the simple writing makes for a fast read.

(Don't get me started on the show, though. Even though I'm enjoying it, every friggin male looks like his hair's been cut with a chainsaw, and Anna Paquin's jacked up teeth are horrifically mesmerizing. But: Eric.)

Oh, yeah: Sookie's a telepath and there are some murders and some vampires and by the end of the book the murderer is caught and blah blah blah blah.

In a nutshell: So bad, but sooo good.

Bibliolatry Scale: What in the hell do I give this? A 2? (Under normal circumstances, yes.) A 4? (It was enjoyable enough.) Okay, then: 3 out of 6 stars. For what it's worth.

FTCBS: Sigh. Personal copy. BUT BUT BUT it came from Walmart, so it was only like 5 bucks. BOOYAH!

In case you're interested: Book 2, Book 3, Book 4

The Classics Circuit: Agatha Christie

The A.B.C. Murders
Agatha Christie

I don't read much mystery, especially Agatha Christie -- I read And Then There Were None when I was 12 -- so I was glad when the Classics Circuit gave me another reason to read her.

I settled on The A.B.C. Murders, because it seemed to have serial-killer potential, and those types of mysteries hold more interest for me than the "gah someone stole my diamonds!" type.

It all begins when Inspector Poirot receives a mysterious letter from the killer, kindly informing the inspector of where and when the murder will take place. (God, everyone ise SO POLITE in the UK, even murderers. Even the dicky, "superior" Inspector Crome is rather nice.)

Anyway, before you know it, Alice Ascher of Andover in assassinated. Egads! (Unfortunately no one actually says egads! in the novel, but I'll forgive the omission.) Fast forward a bit, another letter, another town, and bam! Betty Barnard of Bexhill is butchered. (Ok, she's strangled, but alliteration, you know.) The killer, identified in his letters only as "ABC," leaves an ABC Railway Guide at the scene of each crime.

Soon the murders pile up, and it seems not even Poirot's powerful intellect can prevent the killer from tearing through the alphabet!

Just kidding! The murderer turns himself in.

BUT WAIT! Poirot is not so easily fooled -- and soon, he proves to everyone through a series of really dramatic assumptions that SOMETHING ELSE IS REALLY GOING ON.

AND HE'S RIGHT.

even babies are amazed by Poirot's sagacity

Poirot proves to his fellow investigators -- and to the reader -- that the true nature of the murders was always before them (and us), but had been rendered invisible by their previous assumptions.

Oh, Poirot. You are a sly fox indeed.

In a nutshell: A bit dry in places, despite all the murdering. And oy, what an intricate solution.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: You know what I'm going to say, don't you FTC? Yes, yes you do. YES, YES, YES, personal copy here -- all I do is buy shit like books and shoes and DRESSES from FOREVER21, I can't stop myself, GIVE ME A BREAK ALREADY

The Classics Circuit: Georgette Heyer

Footsteps in the Dark
Georgette Heyer

Today I am pleased to welcome Georgette Heyer as part of the Classics Circuit!

First, I have to say that I'm mighty pleased to participate in this Circuit, as I've never even heard of Georgette Heyer before participating, despite the fact that my edition of Footsteps calls her "one of the best-known and best-loved of all historical novelists." Really? [Insert my shame and embarrassment here.]

So, while perusing the Heyer overview, I found that many of her historical romances likened her to Jane Austen. Oh no! I wailed (to myself, obviously). And that's how I ended up with Footsteps in the Dark, a decidedly un-Austen mystery with not a hint of romance. Okay, there's a hint of it. But it's okay because Heyer gives us ghosts, disappearances, and murder as well.

Footsteps in the Dark begins as siblings Peter, Margaret, and Celia arrive at The Priory to inspect their inheritance. The building is old and mysterious, and it comes with an intriguing history: the Priory is reputed to be haunted by a mysterious personage known only as the Monk.

Of course, the new inhabitants put little stock in such rumors. But then they start hearing things. And then they start SEEING things. And then they discover a murder. AND THEN...! Is the Monk supernatural -- or earthly? And why does he prowl about their home?

I enjoyed the wacky cast of characters that inhabit the pages of Footsteps in the Dark. Each is equally likely to be the Monk, and each is sufficiently bizarre enough to warrant some snide commentary from Charles, Celia's wry husband. The mystery was engaging, the characters were colorful (even if a bit flat), and the romance, while a bit silly, was charming enough for the story. Although I don't anticipate reading more Heyer (especially not with all those comparisons to Austen), I quite enjoyed Footsteps in the Dark.

In a nutshell: Fun, wacky, and a wee bit silly, Footsteps in the Dark was a light, charming read.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Bought this one for myself.

First Impressions lead to False Ideas

Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart
Beth Pattillo

In Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart, Beth Pattillo brings us another romantic mystery involving the work of Jane Austen.

Her previous novel, Jane Austen Ruined My Life, involves a bunch of long-lost letters written by the author. This time, the mystery surrounds the long-lost first draft of Pride and Prejudice.

Claire Prescott, arriving at Oxford to present her sister's a paper to a summer symposium, quickly finds herself in the midst of Another Austen Adventure. She meets an elderly woman claiming to have the mythical First Draft tucked into the odd nooks and crannies of her home. BUT, she could be suffering from dementia. OR, she could be telling the truth. WHAT TO DO?

Wait, there's more! Soon after arriving at Oxford, she meets her own Mr. Darcy, a handsome, dashing gentleman also attending the symposium. Ruh roh: what about her boyfriend at home? OH NO WHAT TO DO??

In all, Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart is a light, entertaining little book that even non-Austen fans (like myself) can enjoy. Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy it as much as Jane Austen Ruined My Life, but Pattillo still provided me with several hours of escape.

In a nutshell: Fast-paced, entertaining, and somewhat predictable, Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart teaches that not every dashing, handsome gentleman deserves to be adored.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: This book was sent to me by the publisher.

Memories are worse than bullets

The Shadow of the Wind
Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Whew! My first read of 2010 was of the magical kind, the type of novel you don't ever want to put down and the kind that haunts you after you do.

Do you even need a summary of this book? Because I feel like the last person to have read it. Also, it seems as though it's the type of novel that defies easy summary, and I am feeling particularly lazy today. (Today, you're thinking? As opposed to how you feel everyday!?!?! Touche, reader, touche. And, ouch.)

Anyway, here's something via Amazon:

The time is the 1950s; the place, Barcelona. Daniel Sempere, the son of a widowed bookstore owner, is 10 when he discovers a novel, The Shadow of the Wind, by Julián Carax. The novel is rare, the author obscure, and rumors tell of a horribly disfigured man who has been burning every copy he can find of Carax's novels. The man calls himself Laín Coubert -- the name of the devil in one of Carax's novels. As he grows up, Daniel's fascination with the mysterious Carax links him to a blind femme fatale with a "porcelain gaze," Clara Barceló; another fan, a leftist jack-of-all-trades, Fermín Romero de Torres; his best friend's sister, the delectable Beatriz Aguilar; and, as he begins investigating the life and death of Carax, a cast of characters with secrets to hide. Officially, Carax's dead body was dumped in an alley in 1936. But discrepancies in this story surface. Meanwhile, Daniel and Fermín are being harried by a sadistic policeman, Carax's childhood friend. As Daniel's quest continues, frightening parallels between his own life and Carax's begin to emerge.

Ok so that was a lot better than I'm capable of doing right now. Suffice to say, I loved reading this novel; it was fun, it was engaging, it was about books, and -- this is key -- the ending was perfect, in a heart-wrenching kind of way.

For some reason, though, I can't give it a perfect score. Why? I'm not sure. At times it was too perfect; I also have beef over some points that seemed important at the time but then didn't come to much. But these are minor quibbles. And I'm giving it a nearly perfect score, anyway.

However, this book made me feel like A Really Stupid American. Spain had a civil war?? That happened when??? For real? Who knew? Clearly, not me. To wikipedia I go!

In a nutshell: Fun, magical, both highbrow and lowbrow -- what's not to love?

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Santa left this one at my mom's house, and she was kind enough to pass it along. Many thanks, mom!

It cannot have happened. It happened.

The Egyptologist
Arthur Phillips

I think this book is cursed.

I received this on Christmas morn, thanks to Santa. (Ok, it was my husband.) And I squee-ed with glee, because I loved Phillips' Angelica, and I love All Things Egypt, hence I knew I would love The Egyptologist. I began reading it the day after Christmas, and I was hooked from the opening pages.

And then the unthinkable happened. Shuffling across my living room in my cheap, shoddy slippers, I tripped -- I kid you not -- over what could only have been air. The pile of stuff in my hands -- The Egyptologist among the items -- went flying to the four corners of the room as I fell to the floor. I watched my prized novel tumble down slowly, turning over and over and over again (clearly, this happened in slow motion, mind you), and I watched as it landed a few feet away from me. To give you a visual of the event and how I went down like a ton of bricks (although stairs were not involved), I present Exhibit A:

Upon my recovery, I stood, dazed and slightly injured (have no fear, ducks, I am fine), and raced to my dear Phillips. Alas, he did not fare so well. The spine was cracked, the first third of the book lying at a painful angle. The cover was maimed, and a black Sharpie only partially masked the damage. My heart, however, fared far worse. Of all my new books, I prized this one most highly. AND IT LOOKS LIKE A TURD RIGHT NOW.

Anyway. I bring this up because The Egyptologist is GLORIOUS, it is breathtaking, it is heartbreaking -- oh Trilipush! Alas. AND THEN my dear Heather J. tells me that NEARLY NO ONE in the blogosphere likes The Egyptologist, save for us. SAY WHAT?!?!?! Error 404 Page not found. Does not compute. And so on.

Ok fine, let me tell you about the book. There's some Egypt. And some unreliability. (Done right, mind you, unlike, say, THIS.) And, there's a bit of a mystery. And while the great revelation concerning said mystery becomes clear to anyone with a brain about halfway through, that's not the point. The point is how different people totally misread the obvious signs that are right in front of them. It's about yearning, and about loss, and about wanting to be greater than we are. It's also gripping and the ending is INSANE. Trilipush!

So, you should read it. And, because my summary sucks and is mostly about me, here's the summary from Arthur Phillips' website:

Just as Howard Carter unveils the tomb of Tutankhamun, making the most dazzling find in the history of archaeology, Oxford-educated Egyptologist Ralph Trilipush is digging himself into trouble, having staked his professional reputation and his fiancée's fortune on a scrap of hieroglyphic pornography. Meanwhile, a relentless Australian detective sets off on the case of his career, spanning the globe in search of a murderer. And another murderer. And possibly another murderer. The confluence of these seemingly separate stories results in an explosive ending, at once inevitable and utterly unpredictable.

In a nutshell: Read this, dear friends. And don't ef your copy up like I did.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5.5 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Dear Santa brought me this one. No strings attached here.

Kinda mediocre and somewhat offensive

The Moth Diaries
Rachel Klein

First of all, I'd just like to say that I read this book in 2009. I caught a bad bug that spanned both decades (sounds crazy right? Not really), which prevented me from updating sooner.

Okay, so the pros: It was a fast read (I read it in one day). It features an unreliable narrator, and unreliability is always super fun. There may or may not be a vampire in it. (The uncertainty! Sqee!) And...did I mention this was a fast read? BAM!

Unfortunately, I felt the cons outweighed the pros: I can't put my finger on it, exactly, but The Moth Diaries just didn't sit right with me. The writing was okay, the plot was okay, the characters were okay. But nothing made me stand up and say good morning, know what I mean? Unlike THIS:

a really, REALLY big moth (and random child)
Good morning!

Also, there is this whole condescending tone of "mental illness as something you choose," which REALLY didn't sit well with me at all. See, the point of the book is that EITHER our narrator is crazy OR ELSE there really is a creepy vamp stalking her schoolmates. Of course, it doesn't help that said narrator is taking a course in Gothic Lit and so therefore may be projecting. Then again, her good friend, who is most likely the vamp's #1 Target, IS named Lucy (a nod to Dracula, right?), so maybe Klein is directing us to the fact that the other chick IS a vamp. WHO KNOWS? (insert dramatic music here)

Now, this is sorta (but not really) spoilerish: The mystery is never truly resolved. Insane narrator? Vamp? The reader must decide. Our narrator, however, has apparently decided it's the former. At the end of the book, she's all: "I just had to decide to become human" or some shit and I was like -- eh? Because you were totally diagnosed as borderline personality + paranoia and a whole bunch of other stuff that is kinda not like a choice. I just felt like that was a shitty way to end the book, but no judgment from me or anything. (SARCASM)

In a nutshell: Kinda mediocre and somewhat offensive.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: This one was purchased for me as a Christmas present. (Sorry, mommy! Don't worry: I liked the next one better.)

A mystery, some history, and a whole lotta poop

The Great Stink
Clare Clark

This is a crazy bit of a book right here. Quite a large...erm, chunk (gag) of the action takes place in the London sewers (the sewers of 150 years ago, mind you), where all sorts of filth rush past one's feet. Filth. And disease. And rats. Oh, and did I say filth? Because I meant poop. VOMIT.

Anyway, our story follows two different individuals, both of whom rely on the sewers to make their livelihood, albeit in entirely different ways. There's Long Arm Tom, a "tosher" who enters the sewers to find and trap rats used aboveground in dogfighting. And then there's poor William May, so traumatized by his time spent in the war that he enters the tunnels for reasons far darker than those required by his official job. (He is an engineer helping to map the current sewer so that it might be improved.)

The two stories twist and turn and ultimately collide at the end -- but in the meantime, readers are treated not only to a look at one of the grossest places ever -- and May does WHAT there?!?!? Does he not understand DISEASE??? -- as well as a look at life in England during the Victorian period.

In a nutshell: A bit slow in places, but an overall an enjoyable read with a satisfactory resolution.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: Yep, another one I bought. I'm sensing a pattern here.

I think Wilkie Collins just blew my mind

This post is part of the Classics Circuit; please visit the site for more stops on the Wilkie Collins Tour!

Armadale
Wilkie Collins

I just don't get it. I don't understand how anyone can take a story as impossible and outrageous as this one and make it not only credible, but convincing. Clearly, the man was a master.

The events of Armadale (more incredible than those of The Woman in White and The Moonstone) nearly defy easy summary. Long story short, two men end up with the same name of Allan Armadale. One kills the other. Each has a son, also named Allan Armadale, who grows up never knowing of his "other." Years pass, and -- you guessed it -- they meet. (Cue dramatic music.) Then things get REALLY complicated.

There's more, of course -- lots more (the above is really only the first 100 pages of an 800+ monster). As in my previous encounters with Wilkie, the plot hinges on coincidence after coincidence, yet things never feel contrived even though they clearly are. Wilkie makes the impossible possible.

Armadale is also interesting for its comment on identity and the nature of free will. Are the sons of the first generation bound by the sins of their fathers? Can they redeem their fathers? And what of Lydia Gwilt, one of the most fascinating, corrupt villains I've had the pleasure of meeting? In an early glimpse into her character, she writes, "I am in one of my tempers to-night. I want a husband to vex, or a child to beat, or something of that sort. Do you ever like to see the summer insects kill themselves in the candle? I do, sometimes." And that's what she says when she's being charming! I don't want to say too much about her and ruin the fun, but trust me -- Armadale is worth reading for Lydia Gwilt alone.

An utterly fascinating, entertaining, and intelligent novel, Armadale exceeded even my high expectations. What seems like a confusing premise is anything but confusing in its execution. In fact, Armadale might have just toppled The Woman in White. I adored Count Fosco, but he is simply no match for Lydia Gwilt.

In a nutshell: How do you do it, Wilkie? I want to learn the ways of the Force.

Bibliolatry Scale: 6 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I proudly paid for this one! (In fact, I snagged the Oxford edition AND a free Kindle edition, so I always had it at my fingertips!)

Rachel, my torment

My Cousin Rachel
Daphne DuMaurier

I've been meaning to post about my lastest encounter with the late, great Daphne DuMaurier. Not too long ago, I read Rebecca, and I was floored. I knew I had to read something else by this author, and when I found a discounted version of My Cousin Rachel, I knew fate was on my side.

It wasn't long before fate and I had yet another run-in, this time during one momentous day in October when I was called for jury duty. Thankfully, I remembered my new friend and brought her along for the day. We had a wonderful time together, as we eagerly anticipated hearing each subsequent round of suckers jurors who were next up. I dodged a bullet that day, but if it weren't for the experience, I might not have been able to read My Cousin Rachel. Each hellacious hour was filled with this spellbinding story, and while reading I was able to imagine that I was far from the courthouse that day.

Instead, I was on the estate of Philip Ashley (AKA Idiot Who Needs a Smack in the Head). Philip, who has been raised by his cousin Ambrose, looks back on his life and the choices that have brought him to this moment. Idiot takes us back in time, to a time when Ambrose was still alive. They loved one another. A lot. (But not like that -- jeez.)

At any rate, they love one another so much that Idiot fairly falls apart after Ambrose passes away. Ambrose, a confirmed bachelor (I'm pretty sure he likes to spit on the floor in the face of encroaching femininity or some such) goes off to Italy for a little healthification. While there, he meets his cousin Rachel, whom he -- previous misogyny be damned -- quickly marries. Unfortunately, the happy groom's health takes a turn for the worse, and it isn't long before he's dead. When Cousin Idiot learns the news, he is crushed.

Right: Olivia deHavilland as Rachel squares off against Richard Burton as the Idiot

Impetuously, he blames Rachel. But when he inherits the entire estate, it becomes clear that Rachel has no financial claim on anything. Perhaps his blame was hasty. But then Rachel returns to England, and all sorts of shit hit the fan. Philip is soon torn apart by powerful, conflicting forces: he falls in love with her, but also believes she had a hand in his cousin's death. Plenty of evidence support each side of the argument.

Was Rachel guilty? Did she poison Ambrose -- and does she mean to do the same to the idiot? One can only hope! (He's dumb enough to warrant it.) But don't worry about him: he's got a fool-proof plan for flushing her out into the open. Only, not. Read the book and be flabbergasted at that genius ending! Brilliant!

In a nutshell: The ambiguity! The uncertainty! DuMaurier, you've done it again.

Bibliolatry Scale: 6 out of 6 stars

FTCBS: I bought this one meself, so la la la lala.

He who cannot lie does not know what the truth is

Company of Liars
Karen Maitland

It's 1348. Plague is tearing across Europe and has reached Britain's ports, slowly worming its way inward. Added to the mix is a bout of ye olde climate change, resulting in dead crops and starving people. Is anywhere safe in these pestilence-ridden times?

Nine travelers, each with a secret, has ignored a predilection for isolation in an attempt to survive in the company of others. This group -- including a relic seller, a story-teller, an expecting couple, and a pale, ghostly child who reads the runes -- attempt to flee the pestilence by reaching the north. As you might expect, it will be easier said than done.

As the title suggests, these individuals are not the most honest of souls. As their journey progresses, the truth slowly unravels. To be fair, quite a few secrets can be seen from miles away, but Maitland reserves a few, truly surprising aces up her sleeve for the very end. And the final page? Ohh shit!

I can't say anymore without ruining the fun, but I will say that Company of Liars features the best of historical fiction: Maitland has clearly done her research, but she doesn't allow the story to be bogged down by heavy-handed swaths of information. Company of Liars is seamless, flowing, and utterly un-put-down-able.

Has anyone read any of Maitland's previous novels? I'd love to know what you thought. Company of Liars was so good that I want to read more of her.

In a nutshell: I also want some runes. Like, for real.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

Fruit baskets and bum days

A Winter Haunting
Dan Simmons

Fruit baskets! I knew it couldn't last.

In the past two years or so, I've read and adored two recent novels written by Dan Simmons. Because I enjoyed his most recent works so much, I've vowed to read more of his earlier work. Hence, A Winter Haunting.

The premise sounds promising: Dale Stewart -- middle-aged, divorced, and depressed (not to mention heavily medicated) -- makes the trek back to his hometown in an effort to isolate himself. Such isolation is necessary to write his novel; of course, it's also necessary for him to face his own personal demons.

You see, years ago, Dale's best friend died under suspicious circumstances, which is partly why Dale returns to the now-empty house of his dead friend. Yes, that's right: he chooses to pass the winter in his dead friend's house, and, what's more, he even chooses to pass each night in his friend's very bed. Allllrighty then.

sounds like a perfectly sane plan!

The reader, of course, can see where this is headed long before dumb Dale does. Dale's personal demons return to haunt him -- both literally and figuratively. While several scenes were surprising, some were simply too...shall I say incredible? to elicit any actual apprehension in the reader.

I also had an issue with the narrative voice, which was a bit awkward for me, even if the premise was an intriguing one. (If you don't mind a minor spoiler -- and one resolved in the first chapter, at that -- you can highlight the following: The narrator is Dale's dead friend. Yes, you read that correctly. And while such a narrator sounds interesting, the execution was somewhat lacking.)

Still, I'm not done with Simmons, not by a long shot. I consider A Winter Haunting merely a pothole on an otherwise perfect highway. Right? RIGHT?

In a nutshell: I knew such high expectations were impossible to maintain. Sigh. I'm not giving up on him, though: we all have our bum days.

Bibliolatry Scale: 2.5 out of 6 stars