KleptoJenny Pollack
Allow me to set the scene for you.
The when is a cold night in 1988. The place is Thrift Drug, your typical retail pharmacy, and I’m with my mom. I’m nine years old. It’s a school night. I can’t dress for shit, my hair falls desperately short of the teased heights everyone else manages to achieve, and I like to read. Like everyone else, I am desperately in love with New Kids on the Block. Joey, to be precise. I believe with every fiber of my being that if only the stars would align in such a way as to effect our meeting, the result could only be our immediate and forever falling in love.
The when is a cold night in 1988. The place is Thrift Drug, your typical retail pharmacy, and I’m with my mom. I’m nine years old. It’s a school night. I can’t dress for shit, my hair falls desperately short of the teased heights everyone else manages to achieve, and I like to read. Like everyone else, I am desperately in love with New Kids on the Block. Joey, to be precise. I believe with every fiber of my being that if only the stars would align in such a way as to effect our meeting, the result could only be our immediate and forever falling in love.
New kids on the block, let’s rock!
Back to Thrift Drug. My mom wanders the aisles. Not surprisingly, I’m in the book and magazine aisle. Uh-oh. Tiger Beat. And what do I find within these magical, glossy pages?
A JOEY MCINTYRE SPECIAL PULL-OUT POSTER.
I must have it.
I’m irrational; why don’t I just ask my mother to buy it for me? Thinking of her assured refusal I fear asking would mean the kiss of death, causing me to have no Joey, no Joey at all. No, I decide. I must have it. And have it I. WILL.
With a stealth I never imagined myself capable of having, I tear the poster out of the magazine and slip it into my coat pocket. Thankfully I’m the shortest ten year old within five miles, and my height renders me invisible as I stand next to a stationary display case. No one sees. No one suspects.
Joey is mine.
Exiting the store, I burst with pride. I am the James Bond of fifth graders. Wouldn’t mom be proud too? Foolishly, I pull the poster out of my pocket.
Here is where the adult in me takes over, as I can only shake my head in shame and wonder, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??? Now, years later, I can only think I was motivated by hubris so blinding that I truly believed my mom would be proud of me for lifting a Joey McIntyre poster out of the store.
What happened remains seared into my memory to this day. Without even waiting to get in the car, my mom delivered such a diatribe unto my ears that I still have not recovered. It was all I could do to persuade her that forcing me to return the poster would scar me forever. No, I sobbed, I quaked, I shook. Facing the teenage clerk in the store was not necessary. (ohmygod could you imagine???) I had learned my lesson.
And learn it I did. Years later, upon finding I had accidentally not paid for an eyeliner from CVS (why are retail pharmacies the scenes of my dishonor??) I was seized by a guilt so eclipsing that I locked the doors to my apartment and closed the blinds, certain they would use my Extra Care points to track me down and throw me in some desperate prison to atone for my thieving ways.
And so, my mother nipped in the bud what might have become a very long and lucrative career as a kleptomaniac. Unfortunately Julie Prodsky, the star of Jenny Pollack’s Klepto, wasn’t so lucky.
Julie and my fifth-grade self are similar in many ways. Both wanted desperately to be popular. Both have a best friend they’d do anything to be like. Both thought stealing was no big deal. Julie, however, wasn’t dumb enough to gloat to her mom, and so her career as a klepto was much longer than mine.
Klepto, based on the author's experiences as a teen growing up in the 80s, describes Julie's freshman year at the High School of Performing Arts. It's New York City, where things are a bit more intense than the mean streets of Northeast Philly, the scene of my upbringing. And NYC is a bit more expensive. So when Julie starts stealing (or getting, as she euphemistically calls her actions) fashionable clothes, it's somewhat understandable.
(Well, not for me. Reading about Julie's kleptomania brought flashbacks of Thrift Drug to my mind, causing my heart to race and my stomach to churn as I anticipated the beating Julie would get when inevitably caught.) And yet...she doesn't get caught, really. Julie thieves for months and months, stealing pants, jewelry, crap she doesn't even need or want -- and gets away with it for longer than I thought she would. Sure, her conscience tugs at her, and for awhile she's able to ignore it. Soon, however, her conscience wins the battle, and Julie must decide between her best friend and stealing.
But stealing has, whether directly or indirectly, blessed Julie in many ways: a cool best friend, status and popularity, a boyfriend. Will Julie lose everything if she gives up stealing? Will high school be ruined as a result? And can she even give up her kleptomania?
Jenny Pollack's Klepto is a great teen read that entertains as it teaches (which it does without ever getting preachy or trite).
In a nutshell: A fun read for young adults that older adults can also enjoy. And with a "splashproof" cover, Klepto is perfect for the beach or the pool!
Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars
A JOEY MCINTYRE SPECIAL PULL-OUT POSTER.
I must have it.
I’m irrational; why don’t I just ask my mother to buy it for me? Thinking of her assured refusal I fear asking would mean the kiss of death, causing me to have no Joey, no Joey at all. No, I decide. I must have it. And have it I. WILL.
With a stealth I never imagined myself capable of having, I tear the poster out of the magazine and slip it into my coat pocket. Thankfully I’m the shortest ten year old within five miles, and my height renders me invisible as I stand next to a stationary display case. No one sees. No one suspects.
Joey is mine.
Exiting the store, I burst with pride. I am the James Bond of fifth graders. Wouldn’t mom be proud too? Foolishly, I pull the poster out of my pocket.
Here is where the adult in me takes over, as I can only shake my head in shame and wonder, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??? Now, years later, I can only think I was motivated by hubris so blinding that I truly believed my mom would be proud of me for lifting a Joey McIntyre poster out of the store.
What happened remains seared into my memory to this day. Without even waiting to get in the car, my mom delivered such a diatribe unto my ears that I still have not recovered. It was all I could do to persuade her that forcing me to return the poster would scar me forever. No, I sobbed, I quaked, I shook. Facing the teenage clerk in the store was not necessary. (ohmygod could you imagine???) I had learned my lesson.
And learn it I did. Years later, upon finding I had accidentally not paid for an eyeliner from CVS (why are retail pharmacies the scenes of my dishonor??) I was seized by a guilt so eclipsing that I locked the doors to my apartment and closed the blinds, certain they would use my Extra Care points to track me down and throw me in some desperate prison to atone for my thieving ways.
And so, my mother nipped in the bud what might have become a very long and lucrative career as a kleptomaniac. Unfortunately Julie Prodsky, the star of Jenny Pollack’s Klepto, wasn’t so lucky.
Julie and my fifth-grade self are similar in many ways. Both wanted desperately to be popular. Both have a best friend they’d do anything to be like. Both thought stealing was no big deal. Julie, however, wasn’t dumb enough to gloat to her mom, and so her career as a klepto was much longer than mine.
Klepto, based on the author's experiences as a teen growing up in the 80s, describes Julie's freshman year at the High School of Performing Arts. It's New York City, where things are a bit more intense than the mean streets of Northeast Philly, the scene of my upbringing. And NYC is a bit more expensive. So when Julie starts stealing (or getting, as she euphemistically calls her actions) fashionable clothes, it's somewhat understandable.(Well, not for me. Reading about Julie's kleptomania brought flashbacks of Thrift Drug to my mind, causing my heart to race and my stomach to churn as I anticipated the beating Julie would get when inevitably caught.) And yet...she doesn't get caught, really. Julie thieves for months and months, stealing pants, jewelry, crap she doesn't even need or want -- and gets away with it for longer than I thought she would. Sure, her conscience tugs at her, and for awhile she's able to ignore it. Soon, however, her conscience wins the battle, and Julie must decide between her best friend and stealing.
But stealing has, whether directly or indirectly, blessed Julie in many ways: a cool best friend, status and popularity, a boyfriend. Will Julie lose everything if she gives up stealing? Will high school be ruined as a result? And can she even give up her kleptomania?
Jenny Pollack's Klepto is a great teen read that entertains as it teaches (which it does without ever getting preachy or trite).
In a nutshell: A fun read for young adults that older adults can also enjoy. And with a "splashproof" cover, Klepto is perfect for the beach or the pool!
Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars
3 comments:
Very funny poster story. I think we all have a little klepto in us. I'll keep my stories to myself for the moment and definitely put this on the To be read list. By the way, on the recommendation od a librarian friend, I just picked up Atwood's Blind Assassin-- anything to say on that one?
I liked The Blind Assassin. I wouldn't consider it my favorite Atwood, but it was a pretty good read all the same. Then again she can pretty much do no wrong as far as I'm concerned, so I'm biased :)
Totally off topic, but that woman has my exact hair. It startled me!
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