The picture says it all

Somehow, I've survived another year.

Daily posting will resume next week -- in the meantime, I've got beers that need drinking.

It's gonna be a glorious summer.

HELP

I need your help.

See, I love to read. I also like to shop. And I reallly like to shop for stuff to read.

Put them together and what do you get?

The Amazon Kindle.

I want a Kindle. I need a Kindle. First, it will help me read and shop. Lots. Only -- and this is nice -- I won't have to find storage space for all the books I'd buy in paper form. (I'm running out of bookshelf room, as I've already filled three large bookcases and have not room for another.) Even better still, the Kindle's sneaky: my husband would never know that I spent another [insert dollar amount here] on books. I'd be spending less anyway, not only because Kindle books are cheaper but also because some sites even offer free e-books.

True, I wouldn't be able to get the feel of the book, and I wouldn't have pages to turn. I also couldn't write in the book, although the Kindle does allow you to make notations (which I don't often do anyway, at least not in the book itself). The biggest drawback is the lack of a hard copy to add to my library, a physical manifestation of all the reading I've done over the years. True, I don't own every book I've ever read, so to ignore the Kindle over something like that is a bit silly.

Right: my lover beckons

To tempt me even further, Amazon recently dropped 50 bucks off the price. The siren call of the Kindle has been sounding even louder in my ears for the past two days. I've some money saved, and it's burning a big ol' hole in my pocket. Of course, patience is a virtue too.

So what's a girl to do?

I leave it to you, dear readers. Advise me. Lead me. Guide me. If you love your Kindle, I'd love to know why. If, however, you view the Kindle as a scourge upon the heart and soul of literature, an evil that further corrupts an already technology-dependent culture, then I implore you to save me from myself.

Hell on Earth

Personally, I'd rather stab myself in the eyeball than use a port-a-potty. I don't care if I'm the first person to use it. There is no level of cleanliness that would ever convince me to step foot inside one of these foul chambers. As far as I'm concerned, they are tiny vestibules of torture, just waiting to trap an innocent asshole inside its gaping maul of death.

Stephen King's short story (recently published in the latest issue of McSweeney's, which is where I found it) "A Very Tight Place" does nothing to dispel this view. It's about a man who...you guessed it...gets trapped inside of one of these devilish contraptions. The story features nary a ghost, creature, or any other supernatural force -- and yet, it's one of the most harrowing pieces I've read in a long time. It's also quite funny, as our main character is literally reborn due to his ordeal, which he handles a lot better than I would. (For the record, I would handle it with a lot of uncontrollable crying and screaming. There'd probably be a lot of vomiting also.)

"A Very Tight Place" will appear in his collection Just After Sunset, which will be released this fall. In the meantime, you can find it in the current issue of McSweeney's, which also features stories by Larry Smith, Jim Shepard, Ashlee Adams, Liz Mandrell, and Mikel Jollett.

Once you've had a man's dick in your mouth, you can no longer deliver his mail

Emotionless Souls
David S. Grant

Don't expect to like the people who fill the pages of David S. Grant's Emotionless Souls. They're sick, empty people made emptier by their attempts to make their lives full.

I'm sure you're wondering, what exactly do these emotionless souls do to add feeling to their lives? Sex, drugs, violence? Of course -- and lots of them, with a little sadism thrown in for good measure.

There's the guy who mistakenly takes some ecstasy before an important corporate meeting. The prick whose penchant for practical jokes takes a dark turn. The ex-con who will do anything to climb the corporate ladder (the title of this post, by the way, is taken from this story). The shitty comedian who resorts to drugging the audience to get a laugh. The boss who has a special way of making her employees "one of the team." Each story features a progressively emptier, shallower soul.

The stories are quick -- some only a page or two -- although the term "stories" is somewhat of a misnomer here. These pieces are more like snapshots, and as such they lack depth. No insight is given into the characters: no backstory, no development. That's not to say these are criticisms; rather, Grant mimics the emptiness of his characters through the sparseness of his story-telling.

No, my biggest criticism about Emotionless Souls is not the sparseness of the pieces, but rather that they need a good editing -- there are numerous grammatical error's (like that one there) that distract the reader and prevent her from further enjoying an entertaining read.

In a nutshell: Not a deep read, but it's not meant to be; the rapid-fire presentation underscores Grant's representation of empty lives and emotionless souls.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4 out of 6 stars

Weekly Geeks 5: Alternative Forms of Story-telling

This week’s Weekly Geeks theme prompts Geeks to think about alternative forms of story-telling.

I began by choosing music videos, which can be so powerful when done well (even though they rarely are). After searching both youtube and my own music library, I decided to include other songs that tell a great story without necessarily having a kickass video.

Thus, I give you the melange of awesomeness that follows. Some songs come with a great video, and others just tell a great story on their own.

Enjoy.


TORI AMOS: SPARK

This video gives me chills when I see it and I still watch it periodically, just because. It dominates over the other videos with its superior song, story, and video. Ooh, AND it's symbolic. Perfection.





METALLICA: ONE

True, the story for this video was inspired by a novel, so obviously the video will tell a good story. Nevertheless, the song kicks major ass. Turn it up, dude! (Anyone catch that reference? Anyone?)





RAMMSTEIN: KLAVIER

This song, like most offerings from Rammstein, is both awesome and sick in the head, which is why I love them so. This isn't the official video that follows (I don't believe there is one, but it's the only one that would embed. You can go here to watch a live performance of this song, complete with English subtitles, but I'm just warning that Till's impressive torso might be a bit distracting. Till, anytime you want to just stop on over here and drag me off, cave-man like, by my hair, I won't stop you, you fabulous hunk of manmeat.)





SOUNDGARDEN: BLACK HOLE SUN

Here's an example of a song that blah-ed me until I saw the video, which endlessly entranced me. Because of the video, I came to love the song. But the real question is, why don't you come, black hole sun? Seriously. I think it'd be a cool way to go.





DEPECHE MODE: NEVER LET ME DOWN

To be fair, this video could be a bit better, but I'm still constantly amazed by the revelation that this song is about drugs. A musician on drugs? Who wrote a song about it? Shocker! (I was a rather naive youth, so sue me.)





PLACEBO: PURE MORNING

Back in the day, I so loved ol what's-his-face in this video -- SO HOT -- and then I made the mistake of seeing Placebo live, and ol what's-his-face acted like a royal prick. And NOT a very good-looking one at that. DISAPPOINTMENT. (And, yes, I know ol what's his face's name, but I much prefer to call him ol what's-his-face. So there.)





RADIOHEAD: THERE, THERE

As with most of Radiohead's songs, I don't know what the hell is going -- but I do know it looks and sounds good, so interpret away. And remember: Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.





TOOL: PRISON SEX

You know I had to include Tool in here. This one gets my vote for compelling story-telling in both song and video. Enough said.





TYPE O NEGATIVE: SEPTEMBER SUN

Cheer up, Pete! You are hot and Jenn McKeown loves you with the heat of a million suns! What else do you need out of life? And just think: anytime you need to escape Brooklyn, just take a quick jaunt down 95 and we'll hang. I'll even give you one of my coveted Heineken Premium Lights -- but only one.

THE CURE: PLAINSONG

Plainsong is cool because it tells a story in practically zero words -- the music really does the work here. There is something achingly beautiful about Plainsong, even if most of the story-telling occurs in the listener's mind.





PORTISHEAD: THE RIP

Portishead's latest album didn't get the best reviews, but those people are fools. I'm not quite sure what this video's all about, but the song is still boss. Did I just say boss? I need another Heineken. Only 99 calories a bottle, yo!





BJORK: HUMAN BEHAVIOR

This is a great song about the impossibility of understanding humans, so it's fitting that the video is equally inscrutable. It's lots of fun regardless.





So this concludes my musical story-telling post. I'm sure I've forgotten something - so if I do I might just have to pull a Sneaky Edit and act as though I remembered them all the first time. And by all means: please comment with your favorite videos, cause I can always use some recommendations.

I like to think I'll find you again

Cake
Doreen Fitzgerald

When you reference one of my favorite foods in your title, I'm immediately impressed. So I began Cake, a collection of selected poems by Doreen Fitzgerald, with a favorable outlook.

Cake's poems are short, mostly all a single page. The shortest is the title piece, which reads They say you can't / have it / and eat it too, / but then, / while you're chewing, / it's all yours.

Despite the playful tone of "Cake" most of the other pieces are more serious in nature, especially when Fitzgerald writes of her past. Those with a nostalgic feel are among the most powerful, as well as those which discussed nature. (The title of this post, by the way, comes from one of my favorites entitled "From the Far Side.")

My only criticism is that quite a few poems had an unfinished feel to them, which prevented me from connecting with them on a deeper level. Even though Cake would benefit from another round of editing, the ideas presented in it are solid.

In a nutshell: A bit uneven but there are several gems to be found.

Bibliolatry Scale: 3.5 out of 6 stars

Weekly Geeks 4: Social Issues

This week’s Weekly Geeks theme prompts Geeks to think about a social issue that interests them. I had a difficult time with this one, actually, because I wanted to pick a topic that I didn't really know anything at all about.

I ended up researching more and more about social psychology and psychological manipulation, especially fear-mongering and the like. (I know this isn't a traditional social issue, but it is a matter that directly or indirectly affects many members of society, so I'd say it counts.)

Anyway, the point is to find books that address the issue. The following are all books that I haven't read but want to read.


Brainwash: The Secret History of Mind Control, by Dominic Streatfeild

Amazon.com Product Description: What would it take to turn you into a suicide bomber? How would you interrogate a member of Al Qaeda? With access to formerly classified documentation and interviews from the CIA, the U.S. Army, MI5, MI6, and the British Intelligence Corps, acclaimed journalist Dominic Streatfeild traces the history of the world's most secret psychological procedure. From the cold war to the height of today's war on terror, groups as dissimilar as armies, religious cults, and advertising agencies have been accused of brainwashing. But what does this mean?

Is it possible to erase memories or to implant them artificially? Do heavy-metal records contain subliminal messages? Do religious cults brainwash recruits? What were the CIA and MI6 doing with LSD in the 1950s? How far have the world’s militaries really gone?

From the author of the definitive history of cocaine, Brainwash is required reading in an era of cutting-edge and often controversial interrogation practices. More than just an examination of the techniques used by the CIA, the KGB, and the Taliban, it is also a gripping, full history of the heated efforts to master the elusive, secret techniques of mind control.



You Can't Fight Tanks with Bayonets: Psychological Warfare against the Japanese Army in the Southwest Pacific

Amazon.com Product Description: A startling omission from the extensive literature on the Pacific events of World War II is an analysis of Allied psychological operations. Allison B. Gilmore makes a strong case for the importance of psychological warfare in this theater, countering the usual view of fanatical resistance by Japanese units. Gilmore marshals evidence that Japanese military indoctrination did not produce soldiers who were invulnerable to demoralization and the survival instinct.



War, Lies & Videotape: How Media Monopoly Stifles Truth, by Lenora Foerstel

Amazon.com Product Description: Newly emerging global media systems, censorship, and media ownership are examined in this collection of essays. The growing concentration of media ownership, the links between the government, the media, and the military, and the media's role in disseminating war propaganda are discussed and illustrate the need for new, alternative channels of communications to help activists break through the media monopoly. Contributors include Scott Armstrong, Ramsey Clark, and Nawal El Saadawi.



Terrorists, Victims and Society: Psychological Perspectives on Terrorism and its Consequences, by Andrew Silke

Amazon.com Product Description: In today's climate, these is a powerful need for a balanced, expert and accessible account of the psychology of terrorists and terrorism. Written by an expert team of psychologists and psychiatrists, these contributors have direct experience of working with terrorists, victims and those tasked with the enormous responsibility of attempting to combat terrorism. The first section focuses on terrorists as individuals and as groups and provides a balanced and objective insight into the psychology of terrorists; what their motivations are and what keeps them involved in terrorist groups. The second section explores the huge question of the impact of terrorism; the direct and indirect affect on victims; how societies respond and how political leaders handle the threat and consequences of terrorism. The final section focuses on the question of how to respond to terrorist threat.



The Psychology of Good and Evil: Why Children, Adults, and Groups Help and Harm Others, by Ervin Staub

Amazon.com Product Description: This book explores the roots of goodness and evil by gathering together the knowledge gained in a lifelong study of harmful or altruistic behavior. Ervin Staub has studied what leads children and adults to help others in need and how caring, helping, and altruism develop in children; bullying and youth violence and their prevention; the roots of genocide, mass killing, and other harmful behavior between groups of people; the prevention of violence; healing victimized groups and reconciliation between groups. He presents a broad panorama of the roots of violence and caring and how we create societies and a world that is caring, peaceful, and harmonious.



Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, by Robert B. Cialdini

Amazon.com Product Description: Arguably the best book ever on what is increasingly becoming the science of persuasion. Whether you're a mere consumer or someone weaving the web of persuasion to urge others to buy or vote for your product, this is an essential book for understanding the psychological foundations of marketing.

A Disappointing Farewell

Armageddon in Retrospect
Kurt Vonnegut

I've had the honor of reviewing Kurt Vonnegut's Armageddon in Retrospect for Pajiba.

You may read my review here.

In a nutshell: If you haven’t read anything by Vonnegut, don’t start here; however, for die-hard Vonnegut fans, Armageddon in Retrospect is a must, even if it’s not on par with his seminal works.

Bibliolatry Scale: I'm going to rate this at 4 out of 6 stars, but I'm wondering if I didn't add a star just because this is from Vonnegut. So take this rating with a grain of salt.

When I consider how my light is spent ...

No time for a full review today (although a review on a literary thriller is forthcoming, don't you worry), but I had to pass along this great article I found courtesy of Jacket Copy, which linked to this Granta article about the Web Habits of Highly Effective People.

Unfortunately, instead of inspiring me to surf less, I've added more links to my Favorites folder. Great.

This lead me to ponder how I spend my online time. I, of course, am NOT highly effective, so don't expect me to surf "an hour a day" like some of the people featured in the article.

Here's how I'd respond to Granta's request:

I start a web session by checking my email. All three accounts (personal, work, and blog). Then Facebook. Sometimes MySpace, although MySpace blows in comparision to Facebook. Then I hit OhNoTheyDidnt, because what is more important than celebrity news? Sometimes I check Perez Hilton (but not too often, mind you). Then I check the news, usually via Drudge Report. I'll hit up Pajiba to see what new reviews are in. I check Go Fug Yourself daily, because bad fashion is a must. On Sundays, I read PostSecret.

Usually at this point, I'll check my email, Facebook, and ONTD again.

Then on to my literary feeds, which take awhile. There's Jacket Copy, obviously, and Critical Mass. There's McSweeney's, Texas Pages, and Three Percent. I also hit up The Book Design Review, Slate Magazine, and Paper Cuts.

At this point, it's time for my email, Facebook, and ONTD again.

Then it's on to personal blogs such as Deus Ex Malcontent, Epiphany in Baltimore, and Little Man, What Now?.

Usually after all this, it's time for a game or two. And that's a whole OTHER post. Right now I'm trying to finish a game of Triad in under 5 minutes.

Sheesh, no wonder I hardly get anything done.

Weekly Geeks 3: Childhood Books

This week's Weekly Geeks theme (again brought to you by the lovely Dewey) involves fond memories of childhood books.

I must say: I'm really excited about doing this; I love remembering those books that instilled the love of reading that still remains with me to this day. I just hope I'll be able to remember them all -- there's so many books crammed in here that earlier ones often get pushed out.

I'm sure that, with the help of Google and a good, hard mental push back to my childhood, I'll be able to remember lots of good stuff. Here we go...


SERENDIPITY BOOKS

Books like Flutterby, Hucklebug, Morgan and Me, and others totally made my childhood. They were both fun to read and beautiful to look at, and they helped my imagination develop in ways I probably can't even fathom. In the process of performing a GIS for pictures of these books, I damn near had a conniption by remembering such characters as Shimmeree and Leo the Lop. Aw, man. I'm sorry, I can't help it, I just...have...to sing...Memories light the corners of my mind...misty water-colored memorieeeessss...of the way we were... Here's a link to more titles in case a) someone wants to check out more of the series, or (less likely) b) purchase them all for me.


DR. SEUSS BOOKS

The Dr. Seuss books are obligatory, I know, and all of them were truly pivotal in my development. I loved To Think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street (doubly fascinating because I actually did live near a Mulberry Street) and The Digging-est Dog was super cool cause I wanted to tunnel too. However, Are You My Mother? takes the cake, since it was central to my development as a Super Neurotic Individual. Before reading this book, I hadn't quite realized it was possible to lose one's mother. Such a thought introduced nights of hysterics as I pondered the loss of my own mother, and I envisioned myself a lonely soul indeed, much like the poor schmuck at the center of this book. At one point he even asks a backhoe if it's his mother. What a fucking jackass.


LITTLE WOMEN

Louisa May Alcott's Little Women was one of the first books I ever cried at. I was so sad when the boring one died. Even though Little Women is pretty melodramatic, it didn't matter. I loved to envision Jo scribbling away in her little room and I loved the sense of sisterhood shared by the girls. I was disappointed when Jo didn't get to marry Laurie (although I was, to be honest, entirely too distracted by the idea of a boy named Laurie). I was scandalized by Jo's marrying the older Professor Bhaer, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to pronounce his name. Some mysteries endure.


THE SECRET GARDEN

I currently don't have a copy of The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett, and I can only wonder why the hell not. This book had it all, and my earlier self couldn't help but love a book that featured all that I didn't have, growing up as I did in the city. First, there's a huge, beautiful (but mysterious) mansion, the great countryside that allowed for hours of play (I had a small patch of grass and was pretty much uninterested in it), and, of course, the beautiful English garden. To this day I don't think I'll ever be entirely happy without an English garden of my own. Doesn't look like it's going to happen, though. Oh well.


FAIRIES AND ELVES

When I was a child, Time Life Books introduced the Enchanted World series. As a gift, I received one of the books, Fairies and Elves. For some reason I wasn't good enough to receive the entire series. That's okay, I'm sure I cried myself to sleep only a few times over it. Somehow my childhood copy disappeared and a few years ago, I hunted down the most of the set on eBay and enjoyed a trek back into my childhood. I must not have a read a single damn word as a child, though, because most of the tales seemed unfamiliar. As a child I was entranced by the pictures. I still like pretty pictures. I shouldn't have bought the entire series, though. Another example of my going overboard, just like the fifteen brownies I pounded last week. Still paying for those bastards, I am.


THE LITTLE HOUSE BOOKS

I had this entire series, but I don't know if I ever finished them all. Maybe I did, but all I remember about them is a one-room log cabin. And the great, wide prairie. Dear god, the BOREDOM. I don't know how I felt about these books at the time, but thinking of them now gives me an almost papable sense of claustrophobia. Just picturing myself alone in a one-room log cabin with my entire family is enough to make me jump right off the roof of the nearest building. I can't even think about these books anymore -- even looking at that pasty yellow cover is enough to bring it all back. Let me just say that I enjoyed them at the time (I think) but I will never revisit ye olde little house.


SWEET VALLEY TWINS / SWEET VALLEY HIGH

These two bitches drove me insane. First of all, they were friggin perfect. And they drove a Fiat, which I still can't figure out how to pronounce to this day. Oh, and everything was "in chaos." Chaos must have been dropped like every fifty pages. Pascal must have had some kind of chaos quota. When I was younger, I thought it was pronounced cha-hoes. It's cha-hoes in here! Only much later did I learn how to actually pronounce the word. Anyway, these books were responsible for my believing my teen years were supposed to be waaaay better than they were. No wonder I was so damn depressed as a youth. I was led to believe every teen was supposed to be like these two freaks. Now they're coming out with an updated version, and they're going to be even skinnier. I'm sure that will help young girls feel just grreat. By the way, how old is that dude the slut twin's dating up there? He looks like he's about 35. Good lord.


BABYSITTER'S CLUB

What a bunch of losers these kids were. Let's start a club about babysitting. Yeah, whatever. I still loved these books, and I probably started an equally lame club in the spirit of their club. While I was a fan of these books, ironically enough, I never babysat. That came later, when my brother was born, and by that point, I didn't want to babysit, and no lame club would have convinced me it was fun, either. That was the thing about those books: the babysitting took a backseat to the friendships, which was all fine and well -- until you finally got a kid alone and thought it was going to be just peachy, just like in the books. And then he starts climbing the bookcase and calling you a fucking asshole and all of a sudden you're reminded that reality BLOWS.


CHRISTOPHER PIKE

Man, I think that if someone were to have threatened my collection of Christopher Pike books, I would have cut his shit UP. These books were my heroin, my ecstasy, they were my life. This isn't surprising, given my penchant for scary movies. Christopher Pike books gave you all the thrill of scary movies ONLY IN BOOKS. That's genius!! Unfortunately, I'm afraid they won't stand the test of time. I bought a bunch last summer (again, on eBay) and I started to read Chain Letter again but it just wasn't the same. I don't know what I did with all my old Pike books; I feel like there's got to be a secret room in my mom's house that is currently containing all my lost treasures. Shit, it could have the Holy Grail in there for all I know. What I DO know is that I'm missing a shitload of stuff from over the years and I know myself too damn well to know that I'd never willingly give away a book, much less my Christopher Pike books. So mom, if you're reading this, your mission is to FIND MY STUFF. Seriously, there's an awesome sweater I just know is out there somewhere. Better get cracking!

* * *

Hm. It seems that, in the process of writing this post, I've realized that ALL of these books are gone. WHERE ARE ALL MY OLD BOOKS, MOM??? She's gotta be hoarding them, I just know it. Like every once in awhile she'll just go into this secret box to inhale the stench of my childhood. She never did want me to get older. Like when I first entered high school, I wasn't allowed to hem my skirt, cause god forbid I'd look older. So here's me, the asshole with the skirt down practically to her ankles. And if she had her way, I'd still be there. ADMIT IT, MOM. Now give me back my books.

6 things and 123

Yay! I love being tagged with memes, and this time Michelle over at Bookworm got me with two. First, I have to tell you six things about me.

Hm. This is turning out to be more difficult than I thought. I can think of only that which is already known, or that which I don't want to be known.

MUST THINK.

1. I haven't ever watched Dirty Dancing all the way through.

2. I love scary movies but "torture porn" (that is, movies like Hostel and Saw) makes me cry. I like my fright to be based entirely on that which is improbable, such as zombies and people that can't die, like Michael Meyers.

3. I hate leaving the house since I am often afraid I left something on or plugged in, etc. and will therefore burn my house down and kill my numerous pets.

4. Speaking of my pets, I have three dogs and a cat. I almost adopted another kitten this weekend (it was rescued from being put down) but I just can't afford another one. I'm sure someone adopted him after I left though; he was just too precious.

5. Speaking still of my pets, I have horrible allergies to everything from pollen, trees, grass, dust, you name it -- and yes, to cats and to dogs as well. I've been in treatment for my allergies for about 2 years now, though, and I have to say that my immunity is increasing nicely.

6. I love profanity. I constantly fear slipping in class. But sometimes a good f-bomb can make everything better.

Whew! I did it. Now on to the second meme.

This one involves me picking the book nearest to me and going to page 123 of the nearest book. Once there, I need to find the fifth sentence, and post the next three sentences.

The nearest book is The Thin Place, by Kathryn Davis (which I've been horribly avoiding lately). In fact, I'm only on page 14, despite my having started it weeks ago. So let's see what page 123 has to say.

Lichen speaks a language like some music, repetitive and incantatory: manna star fold star. star star fold reindeer. fold fold fold fold. starlight starlight. It kept up a running commentary around the base of Daniel Murdok's tent, though he didn't know that's what he was hearing. The ever-present wind, he thought, caught in the tent fly.

Hm. Not sure what to say about this one.

PS - If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. I don't tag people anymore since I often only find those who have already been tagged. So if you haven't already done this meme: tag, you're it!

How stupid do you think I am?

In honor of Mother's Day, I bring you (via McSweeney's) The Magic 8 Ball Amended by my Mother for my Middle-School Years by Kate Hahn.

Great -- and free -- online reading

Today's find comes from Jacket Copy, which featured storySouth, an online literary journal of the new South.

In their own words,

storySouth's most important mission is to showcase the best fiction, creative nonfiction, and poetry that writers from the new south have to offer. Special emphasis is given to finding and promoting the works of promising new writers.

In addition, storySouth aims to prove that the internet is not just a medium of flash and style; that excellent writing can attract attention without programming gimmicks and hard-to-read fonts. To this end, storySouth practices clean, simple web design.

I appreciate its clean design, but even more important to me is its inexpensiveness. Many online literary magazines offer only a taste for free - just before you're prompted to pay for the full meal. Not so with storySouth. Here you can get it all without paying a dime.

So if you find yourself in work today with nothing to do, browse the selection of fiction, nonfiction, poetry, art, and blogs offered up by storySouth.

A creepy cover with hilarious contents

The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes

Another review for good ol' Pajiba is up - this time on The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes.

I wasn't expecting to enjoy this one as much as I did - but there are a few pieces I revisted more than once, and each new read elicited genuine laughter. It was well worth the cost of purchase. Click here to read my review.

In a nutshell: While not every one is a winner, I have to say The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes is pretty damn good overall. But damn the cover creeps me out.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

LibraryThing meme

I just found this meme on Ticket to Anywhere, a bookblog I recently discovered. She found this meme on LibraryThing's blog.

The following is a list of the top 106 books tagged as “unread” on LibraryThing. I’ve divided them up into categories.

Let’s see how I do.

UNOWNED AND UNREAD
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
Bleak House by Charles Dickens
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by Jared Diamond
Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
Emma by Jane Austen
Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon
Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond
Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke
Labyrinth by Kate Mosse
Lady Chatterley's lover by D.H. Lawrence
Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad
Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon
Middlemarch by George Eliot
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
Quicksilver (The Baroque Cycle I) by Neal Stephenson
Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
Swann's Way by Marcel Proust
Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
The Confusion by Neal Stephenson
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri
The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene
The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
The Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling by Henry Fielding
The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
The Known World by Edward P. Jones
The Kor'an by Anonymous
The Man in the Iron Mask by Alexandre Dumas
The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot
The Once and Future King by T. H. White
The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien
The System of the World by Neal Stephenson
The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide by Douglas Adams
To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
Ulysses by James Joyce
Underworld by Don DeLillo


OWNED BUT UNREAD
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce
Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
Silas Marner by George Eliot
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy


OWNED AND UNFINISHED
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

Well...Anna Karenina will be finished soon, but Infinite Jest?!? I wonder if I'll ever finish that one. Sigh.


OWNED AND READ
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Dracula by Bram Stoker>
Dubliners by James Joyce
Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco
Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
Persuasion by Jane Austen
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
The House of the Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Iliad by Homer
The Inferno by Dante Alighieri
The Odyssey by Homer
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells
Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte


READ BUT UNOWNED
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Funny Scum

The Wentworths
Katie Arnoldi

The Wentworths features some of the worst human beings I’ve encountered in a long time. They aren’t evil dictators or serial rapists or junkie pedophiles. No, they’re worse -- they're super-rich L.A. snobs. However, I maintain their position at the bottom of the human pile because they’re so insidiously common, and one feels as though a Wentworth or two lurks on every street in the country – at least in the more affluent neighborhoods, that is. Each Wentworth takes douchbaggery up a notch, as if they’ve all secretly agreed to see who can make the biggest case for compulsory euthanasia.

In fact, let’s just imagine the following, highly probable scenario: The Wentworths and I are together in a non-descript location. I am neither rich, anorexic, nor pretentious, so, having nothing in common to discuss, we’d all be sitting silently. Without warning, a masked gunman appears. He forces me to do the unthinkable: shoot a Wentworth, or be killed myself.

What a moral dilemma! Unfortunately, the difficulty lies not in shooting a Wentworth; hell, that’s a no-brainer. But how the hell could I choose only one? Would I get extra credit for extra Wentworths?

They wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t so damn arrogant, but their belief in their own perfection only enhances their flaws. And flaws there are in spades. If you don’t believe me, consider the facts: There’s August, who is such an old philandering fart that I can barely write this many words about him without dry-heaving; Judith, who must survive on 500 calories a day and treats everyone around her like dog shit; Conrad, who makes Patrick Bateman likable; Norman, who is batshit insane like you’d expect from someone named Norman; and Becky, who takes Judith as her role model, so enough said there. Her husband, Paul, is okay, but their two kids are total assholes: the boy’s a klepto and the girl’s only likable because I kept picturing Isabella Hodes from Weeds. In that respect, she was my favorite character.

little boxes filled with ticky tacky

Amazingly enough, despite this collection of human scum – perhaps it would be more correct to say because of it, I loved Katie Arnoldi’s The Wentworths, which follows this family through the myriad of problems they encounter as a result of their own evil ways.

The chapters are brief, some only a page or so, and after finishing the first one, I was immediately hooked. The Wentworths didn’t leave my hand until I finished it the next day. While the characters and action are at times outlandish, I nevertheless found every scene utterly believable, and I couldn’t wait to see how the family handled and overcame one problem after another. This isn't to say I'm giving away an "all's well that ends well" ending. In fact, the opposite is true; I'll only say I felt vindicated at the end.

Unfortunately, The Wentworths doesn’t do much to break the stereotype of the narcissistic, superficial Californian. Nor should it: I prefer to keep that stereotype intact, for the simple reason that it's probably saving all of our lives. Let me explain: I KNOW good individuals live there, but maintaining that stereotype prevents me from ever desiring to venture there myself. And I cannot go there, for the simple fact that my luck is not the best. At ALL. I could go into more detail, but my point is that with luck like mine, the Big One will strike the second I touch foot on California soil. And then where we all be? I'll have single-handedly brought down the entire Western seaboard. If imagining a statefull of pricks will keep all of us safe and sound, I say prick away. So thanks, Katie Arnoldi, for keeping the country together for just a little bit longer.

In a nutshell: A pleasant, hilarious surprise that left me eager to read another book by Arnoldi.

Bibliolatry Scale: 5 out of 6 stars

Weekly Geeks 1: Finding new bookblogs

Even though I've given up on challenges, I've gone ahead and signed up for another. This one is the brainchild of Dewey, and it seems relatively easy for me to fulfill. That is, for now.

This week's challenge is simple: find some new bookblogs to read. Sounds simple enough for me!

My first new find was Rhinoa's Ramblings, and I immediately liked her because she apparently likes the Legend of Zelda and we seem to share similar tastes in music. She's also mastered the three-column layout, which I ef up every time I try it. My envy waxes.

My second find was This Book is For You, whose review of Twilight pretty much confirmed everything I had suspected about it. Thanks for saving me from that one!

My third is TigerMel over at Cynical Optimism. She's reading books with a "save the Earth" theme, which I found intriguing.

I also found Bookworm. I admit she found me first, so I technically found her via Technorati, but I'm enjoying her posts on parenting as much as I'm enjoying her bookish posts.

Finally, I found Michelle at In the Louvre, a site that might just feature one of the best designs I've ever seen. Dear Michelle, I am entirely without money or anything worth trading (except some above-average editing skills...oh, and I can teach the hell out of grammar and vocabulary), but please feel free to design a new website for me. Seriously, it's cool. I won't stop you.

Oh, jeez. I just realized she found me first via the same challenge. Michelle, it's fate, I tell you. Best friends forever!

Updates and such

Since I have the time, I thought I'd update my three readers on a few things.

First, Anna Karenina. It was going so well until Levin started going on and on about the peasants. Christ, man. No wonder Kitty Kat didn't want to marry you. You're a fucking BORE. Meanwhile, Anna's all you-know-what with Vronsky and I'm stuck plowing a field with this chump.

Second, I've decided I need to read some Trollope. I thought it would be an easy decision until I saw that he's written nearly a million novels. Can anyone recommend a good one, or is Barchester Towers the obvious choice? And how the hell do you even pronounce Trollope? Like trollop? Or trollop-ee?

Third, I had no idea that James Joyce was BLIND. Since when, and why didn't I know? And he might have been doing the nasty with his daughter?? Dude, HOW COME NO ONE MENTIONED THIS TO ME? Knowing these tidbits might have made me more interested in his stuff.

Finally, I have some updates to some previous posts.

There's been a conclusion to this post, in which the son of Vladimir Nabokov was forced to decide between the public's wishes and his father's will. The answer can be read here. Bravo.

And, whoa. Most people predicted the Olsen twins; I for one never saw the potential for this. Damn he's good.

An Absolutely True Review*

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Sherman Alexie

My latest review for Pajiba has been posted on Sherman Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. It's for young adults, so I was a little nervous reviewing it, as I always am when reviewing books written for a younger audience. This is, of course, in addition to my already healthy dose of anxiety that accompanies every review I write for Pajiba. They keep you on your toes over there, they do.

Anyway, this is Sherman Alexie's first novel for young adults, and I have to say I found it quite enjoyable. Usually when reading a book written for teens, I have to keep reminding myself of the fact so that I can avoid being unnecessarily harsh. Thankfully, I didn't need to do much reminding during Diary.

You can click here to read my review.

In a nutshell: For adults, fun but not life-changing. For teens, a light read that tackles heavy issues.

Bibliolatry Scale: 4.5 out of 6 stars


*Oh, and I apologize for the "absolutely lame" title that begins this post. I'm short on coffee, and this is all I got. And my allergies are killing me. Speaking of which, since they had to go and make Zyrtec available for the masses, my insurance no longer covers my GOOD allergy medication. Needless to say, it's a sneezefest over here. FUCKERS.